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Parenting a different child

Posted by Anonymous
  • 28 Replies
I think im going to need help. I posted not too long ago about my niece coming to live with me..
She has an attention disorder of somesort.. If she was home the school wanted her to start on a low dose focusing medicine this year for school. But i have no idea how to get that info or if its even needed.....

She ran off the bus without her backpack the first day of shool. I sent her back on to get it.. Yesterday she got home with her backback but left her folder at school..we had to go to the school to get it
Then we did homework, and nothing was clicking.. So i get aggravated abbshe says shes tired.. Im not use to having to help much with my 2 boys.. They do it.. Give it to me to check.. On the rare occasion something is wrong i just tell them to look at it again. And they fix it.
Being shes already in 2nd.. I dont know her way of doing things.. So it was about 10s and 1s. And i was asking her how many 1s she needs to mke 25 and she was saying 2, then 13.. And im like "no, listen to me, focus wih your eyes (you have to tell her that)".. Idk.. Im lost.
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 8, 2017 at 10:42 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 8, 2017 at 10:42 AM
Sorry for all the typos.. I wanted to get that out qyickly so I can get feed back to be ready for when she gets home.
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 8, 2017 at 10:46 AM

Sounds like she needs something  Check with her doctor.  I don't understand how you can't figure that piece out.   

by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 8, 2017 at 10:48 AM

can't      understand     squat   of   what    you    wrote

by Anonymous 4 on Aug. 8, 2017 at 10:50 AM
She needs to be evaluated and get whatever help she needs. Your job is to get her evaluated. Do it.
by on Aug. 8, 2017 at 11:03 AM

I don't know your other post so I don't know the reason your niece came to live with you.  Why can't you get the information on her from her previous school or her previous doctor/ped?  Is this arrangement through the courts and of a 'permanent' nature or is this temporary, like only a couple of weeks/months? If it's a legal arrangement and you are now her legal guardian, I don't know why the school wouldn't at least send her previous records to her new school so they would have a jumping off place with her. 

If you have legal custody of her, take her to the doctor and have her evaluated, again if necessary (if you can't get her old records), and start fresh.  

A school can't recommend/prescribe a low dose focusing medicine, that must come from an actual doctor.  She may or may not need it but the school isn't in charge of requesting/requiring that of her/you.  

Whatever reason she came to live with you, I wonder if no one has bothered to teach her HOW to focus and that's part of the issue?  OR is there an actual problem?  Can she focus on other things (at play) but she just doesn't grasp her homework topics? Or does she not focus on anything at all? 

Do you have any Cheerios in the house?  Try helping her count and 'see' the numbers with those while she's learning her 10s and 1s and such.  Cut up some shapes for her and help her 'see' what different numbers, and patters look like, not just as numbers but to 'see' the patterns (1/4, 1/2, whole; 1/3, 2/3, whole, etc. using a 'pizza' slice - circle cut into these 'shapes' that are also math).  Start like she's in kindergarten and see if something like that helps.   With the Cheerios (or any other smaller cereal as it's not that expensive but easily used/tossed (or eaten as a reward?), line them up in columns of 10 or singles and help her 'see' the math.  Something along these lines might help?)  Heck, if she needs something larger, use DVD cases or spice bottles from your cabinet, or even utencils to count.  Anything to help her 'see' the patterns in math rather than the abstract of 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... Perhaps she's just 'guessing' at numbers that she knows without understanding the concept of them. 

Also she's old enough to help you grocery shop.  Give her a task.  If she can read well enough, have her find certain brands or certain prices on the shelf to put those items in your cart.  If she's not reading yet or having difficulty, help her with symbols/logos so she can find them and then she can read the letters until things begin to click for her.  

Good luck.  Hope things begin to turn around for her, and you, soon.  

by Platinum Member on Aug. 8, 2017 at 11:06 AM

Sounds like she needs as little distraction as possible.

What kind of learner is she?

Is she visual (like with lots of pictures and demos)?

Is she kinesthetic (have to be doing something active to 'get it)?

You may need to talk to her teacher and see if you can get the answers to some of those questions.

by Platinum Member on Aug. 8, 2017 at 11:09 AM

My dd is severe ADHD but she's anal about her stuff and doesn't forget or lose it. But she's extremely disorganized. For school we have routines that are followed and she's given 1 step directions at a time. We use check lists for everything so she doesn't miss a step. I haven't seen the other post . Why is she with you?

Some people just don't get numbers. As being ADHD myself math was my biggest struggle. I just can't grasp passed the basics no matter how hard I try. Math gives me anxiety and panic attacks. Luckily my ADHD dd excels academically and suffers in areas of behaviour and impulse controls..
by Platinum Member on Aug. 8, 2017 at 11:19 AM
Having her evaluated by an pediatric educational psychologist should be a helpful start.

It's sometimes it's hard working with a child who's mind isn't in the game. All 3 of my kids were like this through at least 2nd grade. Once things began clicking for the older 2 it was a whole new world. One was even valedictorian. The youngest was evaluated and has dysgraphia and ADHD, inattentive. Except he doesn't truly have the ADHD, but that's another long story. He's now medicated for a different issue and in the short time he's been on it everything is clicking. He's a totally different person in both academics and his sport. So if meds are needed, they can be a good thing.
by Sapphire Member on Aug. 8, 2017 at 11:21 AM

She needs to be tested by the school for a learning disability A.S.A.P!!!  Depending on the results then you go get a referral to pediatric mental health facility and have her evaluated for ADHD. 

by Sapphire Member on Aug. 8, 2017 at 11:28 AM
First off, getting angry with a child who struggles academically is not the correct way to approach this. She cannot help that she's not grasping the concepts. I'd set up a meeting with her teacher to discuss how she is performing in school, and ask what RTI services are available. I'd also talk to her pediatrician and explain what your are noticing in regards to her inattetion.
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