• In the Spotlight:
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Refusing to allow you to buy cigarettes and wine is not Financial abuse or neglect

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 264 Replies
My brother married my sister-in-law 2 years ago. She has a six-year-old from a previous relationship and they have a one-year-old together. He knew that she used to smoke but she had not smoked their entire relationship. Soon after she had their one-year-old she started smoking again. It started being just like a pack a week so no big deal. She also decided after she had the baby that she wasn't going back to work. This was a source of friction between her and my brother mostly because she never really discussed it with him she just told him that she wasn't going back to work and because of that he ended up having to work overtime pretty much every week.

my brother called me last week telling me that there was almost no food in the house and that his wife told him that the grocery money was all gone. They budget using cash so anything that they pay for outside of the household bills is paid for in cash. Each week they take out the money for groceries and other household expenses but the money is already gone. She admitted that she's been spending about 40 to $50 a week on cigarettes and at least that amount on wine. they got into a big argument because she has deliberately been drinking and smoking when he's at work for the most part so he had no idea that this was such a problem until he realized it there's hardly any food in the house and that she's been spending the bulk of their grocery money on cigarettes and alcohol while he's working overtime to support them. He told her that if she wants to continue to be a stay-at-home mom she does so under the condition that she's not trusted with the money anymore. the local Walmart does curbside pickup so you can place your order and pay online and go pick it up. My brother said that that's how they'll have to do groceries from now on he took her debit card and the credit card that is in his name. He also told her that he will be closing out their joint checking account once there's no more money in it and opening his own account with only his name in it. He told her if she needs something like clothes she can come to him and they can go shopping together. He said that if she needs clothes for the kids she can order it online and he will put his debit card information in or they can go shopping together but she will know how longer have access to any money that he earns.


She's going around to friends and family including me saying that he's being financially abusive. But honestly I think he's being pretty reasonable. If I had to work overtime so my spouse could stay home and I found out that they were smoking and drinking all day and spending the bulk of our grocery money on cigarettes and wine taking away the money that I earned is the least that I would do. In my opinion what she did was grounds for divorce.


So what says cafemom? Is my brother an abusive a****** who's being mean to his wife or his his wife a lazy drunk who smokes too much who spends her family's grocery money on cigarettes and alcohol
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 11, 2017 at 1:27 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 11, 2017 at 1:28 PM
Bump
JenniferP96
by Bronze Member on Aug. 11, 2017 at 1:30 PM
14 moms liked this

I'm with your brother on this one.  No way should her addictions ever be allowed to keep food out of her kids' mouth.  What kind of mother does that?!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 11, 2017 at 1:31 PM
This is how it starts.
KittyMom1026
by Sharon on Aug. 11, 2017 at 1:32 PM
3 moms liked this

I don't see this marriage lasting very much longer. And no, I don't blame him one bit for what he's doing.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 11, 2017 at 1:32 PM
1 mom liked this

She is drinking while caring for the kids??  Your brother is a fool for staying.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 11, 2017 at 1:32 PM
Generally I would agree that this is how a lot of abusive relationships start becoming abusive. But at the same time sometimes it's just a matter of making sure that all of his hard-earned money doesn't go to her bad habits. It would be one thing if he was telling her she's never allowed to buy anything for herself or if she was working and he did this. But it's not. He's just doing what he has to do in my opinion to prevent her from spending money that they need on cigarettes and wine

Quoting Anonymous 2: This is how it starts.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Aug. 11, 2017 at 1:34 PM
3 moms liked this

He is treating her like an infant and I wouldn't tolerate that shit.  He is not being reasonable at all.  They are both at fault yes, she screwed up but not to the point she should be treated like a child for it. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Aug. 11, 2017 at 1:34 PM
I'd do the same thing. She can't be trusted to do what needs to be done.
Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Aug. 11, 2017 at 1:35 PM
6 moms liked this

sorry but the kids and house needs come first

not her trashy nasty habits

I would be ashamed of myself if I chose cigarettes and wine over my children eating.

corticosteroid
by Sapphire Member on Aug. 11, 2017 at 1:36 PM
6 moms liked this

There were other ways to go about this.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)