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Can a marriage work if extended family doesn't like a spouse?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 55 Replies
Dh's family doesn't like me. They never have. But it's just gotten worse over the years. For the longest time I kept my mouth shut. The fat comments when we're at a restaurant with a table full of people. (5'3 120 pounds). The parenting comments even telling my kids they should be spanked for things like not wanting to eat dinner at a get together. The list goes on. But Bil planned a guys week away over my birthday and booked DH's ticket without one word. I was annoyed and said something. After dh asked him to change his flight to leave a day early. He said no absolutely not. That lead to me getting text after text about how I'm a horrible person and wife and I need to be medicated if I can't spend a week without my husband. That caused a big issue for dh and I bc dh said nothing said it was between them and me not him.
Then I walk in on BIL with another woman at their kids birthday party. I said nothing bc I didn't know the facts. But told dh until I heard from him and an apology for not locking the damn door or even closing the door for that matter and a kid could have walked in! I guess dh told him a was uncomfortable that I saw him and her. It lead to multiple things being said about me mainly I'm a prude and want to tell everyone what to do. Which is weird bc I've never even made plans with them they always do first and we do whatever.
Anyway they hate I stay at home say I'm a lazy gold digger. Even though dh told them it was more his idea. The list goes on and on. But I have never once said anything mean or negative out of nowhere. I simply stand up for myself if I'm contacted first.
Dh says they love me would never did respect me out of respect for him, he says he feels I cause drama and if I can't find a way to be civil bc he won't stop seeing them bc of me it's time for a divorce!
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 12, 2017 at 11:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 12, 2017 at 11:45 PM
4 moms liked this
You married a spineless excuse for a man. If he can't stand up for you then send him back to his mommy.

Since he's playing the divorce card make an appointment with a lawyer first thing Monday. Don't let him run over you.
MeaganP
by Platinum Member on Aug. 12, 2017 at 11:45 PM
1 mom liked this
It will never last he will choose his family over you
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 12, 2017 at 11:47 PM
He said he stands up for me just never when I'm around. I tell him if he did it right they would change their behavior even if they still hate me they won't show it!

Quoting Anonymous 2: You married a spineless excuse for a man. If he can't stand up for you then send him back to his mommy.

Since he's playing the divorce card make an appointment with a lawyer first thing Monday. Don't let him run over you.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 12, 2017 at 11:47 PM
1 mom liked this
The only thing that would help is to move far away from his family. I always say it's best to put an ocean between you. I highly recommend it if it's doable but I know it isn't for most.

My husband's family have never liked me and I don't waste time faking the funk either. We've only lived near them once and that was for only three years and we lived four hours away.

We've been married for 25 years.
GentleHeartsPA
by Gold Member on Aug. 12, 2017 at 11:48 PM
2 moms liked this
A marriage only lasts with a toxic family if the husband/wife of that family sticks up for their partner...
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 12, 2017 at 11:49 PM
Agreed.

Quoting Anonymous 1: He said he stands up for me just never when I'm around. I tell him if he did it right they would change their behavior even if they still hate me they won't show it!

Quoting Anonymous 2: You married a spineless excuse for a man. If he can't stand up for you then send him back to his mommy.

Since he's playing the divorce card make an appointment with a lawyer first thing Monday. Don't let him run over you.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 12, 2017 at 11:49 PM
He works for them and loves his job so that will never happen.

Quoting Anonymous 3: The only thing that would help is to move far away from his family. I always say it's best to put an ocean between you. I highly recommend it if it's doable but I know it isn't for most.

My husband's family have never liked me and I don't waste time faking the funk either. We've only lived near them once and that was for only three years and we lived four hours away.

We've been married for 25 years.
lucky2Beeme
by Emerald Member on Aug. 12, 2017 at 11:49 PM
1 mom liked this
The way I read it is They are being assholes and YOU are being blamed. Your DH says you need to stop or he will divorce you ? Tell him to start packing and don't ever threaten you again . I'm sorry he treats you like the problem.
Pink.Sunshine
by Petty Princess on Aug. 12, 2017 at 11:50 PM
1 mom liked this
It can. You didn't marry them. Whether I stay married, divorce, stay single it affects nobody but me and our kids.

In your situation, your husband is a major problem
mary716
by on Aug. 12, 2017 at 11:51 PM
Sure can! 95% of dhs family can't fucking stand me. We only talk to 5% of his family because he won't stand for people bad mouthing his wife.
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