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Is it still CIO if you are touching and interacting with your baby, but you don't pick him up?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
In that case he doesn't learn that no one will come if he cries, right? I know that's the negative thing about CIO.
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 13, 2017 at 9:24 AM
Replies (141-149):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 26 on Aug. 13, 2017 at 7:31 PM

THIS 100%

Quoting AppleBlossom16: Tell your husband and inlaws to fuck off then have a bonfire in the garden with the cheap furniture.. In all seriousness though your kids come first fuck everything else. If your husband and inlaws arent happy then they can pitch in or leave.
Quoting Anonymous 1: My husband will not finish the furniture. He is the one who wanted unfinished pine instead of getting the more expensive finished furniture, and small kids stain unfinished furniture unless you paint it or stain it before they try to destroy it. Or maybe not small kids, but just my four year old who's decided that she wants the Goblin King to take her new brother and that if she makes big enough of a mess that she'll go back to getting all the attention and being the youngest. And yeah, I'm stressed because I've already tried to lay my baby back down because he broke latch, and he started screaming. I tried standing up and moving while holding him, and he started screaming. So now I'm stuck here and can't move because he'll start screaming and I can't sleep because the other kids will be up soon, and I still have my in laws coming by soon and have to get ready.
Quoting AppleBlossom16: I think you already know the problem is your husband. You sound stressed and overwhelmed, look after the baby and have your husband finish the furniture or just leave it unfinshed. The baby needs you more and they are only babies for such a small amount of time. Cut yourself some slack.
Quoting Anonymous 1: I know what it is. He cries because he wants to be held. When I laid him against my husband while he was sleeping and put my husband's arm around him with his thumb against his pacifier, I was able to get him to sleep. But my husband didn't like that so he left to sleep on the couch. And I can't paint the furniture during the day because it's too hard with the other kids around and not being able to wear the baby around the paint fumes, plus I have to go through my clothes for donation before the kids get up because my oldest wants to go through what might fit her and the other kids might mess up my piles, plus my husband yesterday invited his family over and my MIL will freak if she sees that many clothes on the floor, plus she's going to say something about me still having the furniture unfinished and on the back porch. And I'm exhausted because every time I have the baby anywhere but against a body, he starts screaming his head off and if my husband just laid there and did absofuckinglutely nothing the baby would stop crying, but instead he acts like I was doing something bad by pressing his son against him and left me with a crying baby while he went out to the living room to get some sleep.
Quoting handy0318:

I've never been a fan of CIO...

Babies are not manipulative and they aren't trying to control anyone. They simply do not have those thought processes. What they have are actual needs that can only be expressed through crying. Crying should be responded to with attention and if the crying is unusual or if it's hard to tell why the baby is crying for such a long period of time, a trip to the doctor is warranted.


I do believe in learning self-soothing ... but not for infants. 


emarin77
by Silver Member on Aug. 13, 2017 at 7:39 PM

Yes.  I wouldn't do cry it out until child is a toddler.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 13, 2017 at 9:19 PM
No, I'm not stupid. He had apnea of prematurity until he was discharged from pulmonology. He was born on Jan 25th, but his due date wasn't until April 14th, so he is a 29 weeker. He was rehospitalized a couple times after he got out of the NICU. Both times were because he's stopped breathing until I yelled at him and did that lift that's kind of like shaking but not like shaken baby syndrome, but just like this abrupt way of handling the baby before you initiate infant cpr. I've had to perform cpr on him when he was younger. He's done great for awhile, but when I was passed out from exhaustion and just got so still I woke up with a start and went into the infant cpr motions before realizing he was sleeping.

Quoting engagedandproud: Are you fucking stupid?

Quoting Anonymous 1: He's okay. He's sleeping. He starts screaming again every time I try to lay down or move him so I'm just sitting here. I'm about to run out of battery and that's okay. Earlier this week I dozed off while holding him and I woke up and started yelling at him and kind of shaking but not like shaken baby. Just like how you lift and move the baby before you perform infant cot like I was trained years ago. Then I suddenly realized I hadn't smothered him. He was just asleep. And he limply laid there sleeping the whole time I'd been yelling his name, but the moment I set him down and stopped holding him, he woke up and started screaming at me again.

Quoting engagedandproud: How is baby? I assume young since you refuse to answer.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 13, 2017 at 9:31 PM
No I specifically said it was not like shaken baby syndrome. It's like this abrupt way of handling the baby. He used to have apnea. Often just startling the baby jump starts respiration and cardiac activity if there's respiratory distress and or bradycardia.

Quoting Anonymous 23: Wow she just admitted to shaking her baby. Did everyone see that? Nice going OP. I wonder if cm can find out who she is and report her to cps?

Quoting Anonymous 1: He's okay. He's sleeping. He starts screaming again every time I try to lay down or move him so I'm just sitting here. I'm about to run out of battery and that's okay. Earlier this week I dozed off while holding him and I woke up and started yelling at him and kind of shaking but not like shaken baby. Just like how you lift and move the baby before you perform infant cot like I was trained years ago. Then I suddenly realized I hadn't smothered him. He was just asleep. And he limply laid there sleeping the whole time I'd been yelling his name, but the moment I set him down and stopped holding him, he woke up and started screaming at me again.
Quoting engagedandproud: How is baby? I assume young since you refuse to answer.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Aug. 14, 2017 at 12:19 AM

YOU are ONE SICK 'MOTHER' WHO NEEDS PROFESSIONAL HELP, AND ESP THAT MANCHILD OF YOURS, TOO.  HE'S PATHETIC AND ONE OF THE POOREST EXCUSES OF A 'FATHER' I'VE SEEN

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 14, 2017 at 4:36 AM
Once again, I am not going to be able to sleep all night again, so I'm able to read this. I doubt I'm a pathetic excuse of a mother if I'm again up, comforting my baby all night again.

And, yes, my husband is useless this time of night. I was in tears this morning and begged him to help me. He told me to come sleep with him and have us ignore the baby together. Tonight I was trying to get him to hold him awhile so I could sleep, but he literally set the baby down and then walked out to sleep on the couch and said he was just going to let him cry awhile. So once again I'll have to be up with him all night.

Quoting Anonymous 6:

YOU are ONE SICK 'MOTHER' WHO NEEDS PROFESSIONAL HELP, AND ESP THAT MANCHILD OF YOURS, TOO.  HE'S PATHETIC AND ONE OF THE POOREST EXCUSES OF A 'FATHER' I'VE SEEN

Anonymous
by Anonymous 27 on Aug. 14, 2017 at 4:38 AM

CIO is cruel and wrong for an infant.

EarlGrayHot
by Platinum Member on Aug. 14, 2017 at 8:01 AM

While you shouldn't run into his room the minute he begins crying as it's good to allow him to self-soothe, wind down, a bit, he DOES need to be held.  A little whimpering is normal but you should learn to differentiate between that fussiness and real upset due to being wet, hungry, etc..  Babies need to eat frequently as newborns.  Stop worrying and pick him up after a little while.  Babies need to be held not just touched.  Why are you so hesitant to picm up your baby?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 14, 2017 at 11:51 AM
I got two hours of sleep yesterday. I tried sleeping for 45 minutes from 2:15am to 3am today, but my husband stopped holding him and shut him in a room, so I had to get up to hold him.

Quoting EarlGrayHot:

While you shouldn't run into his room the minute he begins crying as it's good to allow him to self-soothe, wind down, a bit, he DOES need to be held.  A little whimpering is normal but you should learn to differentiate between that fussiness and real upset due to being wet, hungry, etc..  Babies need to eat frequently as newborns.  Stop worrying and pick him up after a little while.  Babies need to be held not just touched.  Why are you so hesitant to picm up your baby?

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