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I told him that if he goes and helps his mom I'm filing for divorce

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
My husband's mother was diagnosed with cancer. She thought she would be able to continue living alone and just take advantage of the rides to and from chemotherapy that her insurance company pays for but it is proving to be too much for her. Obviously I have no problem with her moving in with us. She lives out of state but there is a great oncology place close to us. she said that she doesn't want to move. She's afraid she's going to die and never go home again. She also feels that her church and friends are such support system for her that she doesn't want to leave them. But this wonderful support system doesn't help her which is why she needs us in the first place so I don't really understand it. Anyway my husband came to me with a plan. He said that we are all just going to have to move to her. But she lives out of state 8 hours away. My oldest child is from a previous relationship. His dad sees him one weekend a month and I'm not going to take my son away from his father. Even if I was willing to fight this battle in court I would be very unlikely to win. When I told him that, my husband suggested maybe letting my ex take custody of my son temporarily. No I am not giving up seeing my son on a day-to-day basis so I can go take care of his mother. We got into an argument about it with him saying that my son would be fine with his dad and his mom is the one who really needs help right now. I told him that my priority is not my husband's mother it is my children. I offered to open my home up to his mom, she doesn't want to take us up on that offer so she obviously doesn't need the help that badly. A little while later my husband came to me with a new plan saying that he would move alone with her as long as she needed. I asked about work and he said that he would try to get a job there but it would only be able to be part time because he would be so focused on taking care of his mom. I asked him how he's going to pay things like his car payment car insurance gas and plane tickets or the gas to get back and forth to come see us, let alone help with the household bills. he told me that for the time being he will probably have to take more out of the account then he's putting in. I said so basically you're going to leave me responsible for the two kids we have together plus my son plus all of the household bills and then on top of that you're going to be taking some of my paycheck when money is already going to be tight because you're not bringing in much of a paycheck anymore? I told him absolutely not. I'm looking for a marriage and a partnership not my husband pulling me and the kids down with him because of his bad decisions. I told him I'm willing to help his mom by letting her move in with us but that is it. If she needs help that badly she will take us up on it. Until then if he wants to move in with his mom I will be filing for divorce. Which means he's going to have to get a full-time job, pay child support and take care of his mom.

He hasn't talked to me since last night. I understand he's angry with me but what he was expecting was completely ridiculous. We are not going to turn our lives upside down for a woman who is demanding we help her in a specific way. Like I said if she needs help she'll take us up on our offer. Or maybe she can stay where she is and her great support system that she can't possibly leave will help her
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 17, 2017 at 9:10 AM
Replies (31-40):
karyn9902
by Bronze Member on Aug. 17, 2017 at 9:54 AM

my mother had a bf like that once. He lived with us for 6 years and raised us kids even though we werent his. Then one day just uped and left to go be with his mother. Then years later we hear on the news that the bf passed away from cancer. Maybe it was meant to be that he left so we were not given that heartache.

But anyway if this was my husband I would be pissed and leave too. I invited his father to live with us when he was sick and dieing. The father refused to leave his house and we just left it alone. U cant force someone to live with you.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on Aug. 17, 2017 at 9:55 AM
2 moms liked this

And sometimes family in need should gracefully accept the offer of help for what it is without expecting all of their whims to be met.

Quoting Anonymous 9: First your oldest see his father once a month a mve won't prevent that. Second family takes care of family sometimes that means you need to sacrifice things too. I hope he goes and leaves your rude ass.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Aug. 17, 2017 at 9:56 AM
1 mom liked this
Even if he doesn't leave, he'll resent you for the rest of his life. Resentment always makes for a good healthy marriage. Goid luck with all tgat.

Quoting Anonymous 1: If my husband is willing to physically and financially abandon the family then yeah I guess it probably is. At least if we get divorced I'll be entitled to child support and he won't be entitled to take part of my paycheck to help support him in his mother

Quoting Anonymous 8: I'm sorry your marriage is likely over. I hope the divorce won't be too difficult on your children.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Aug. 17, 2017 at 9:57 AM
2 moms liked this
And if that is the case she will divorce his selfish ass and he will have to pay child support and wirk full time
You don't take a child away from a father who wants to be involved plus she may not even be able to leave legally

Quoting Anonymous 9: First your oldest see his father once a month a mve won't prevent that. Second family takes care of family sometimes that means you need to sacrifice things too. I hope he goes and leaves your rude ass.
inmybizz
by Platinum Member on Aug. 17, 2017 at 9:59 AM

I agree with this. 

Quoting Anonymous 5: Life presents us with challenges to ourselves and our marriages. Why not try to figure out with your DH how to help his sick mom? It cant be ALL or nothing. There is grey area. Just giving up on your marriage for him needing to temporarily help his mom seems short sighted. The fact that divorce is your snswer I think is dismissive and youre looking for a way out. Hell, Id live apart S-Th from my DH and on Fridays afterschool drive to visit. He could arrange to come home (having church/friends step in for short times). You could meet 1/2 way.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Aug. 17, 2017 at 10:03 AM
You realize how hard it is to move after starting treatment right. Her needs need to be met.

Quoting Anonymous 11:

And sometimes family in need should gracefully accept the offer of help for what it is without expecting all of their whims to be met.

Quoting Anonymous 9: First your oldest see his father once a month a mve won't prevent that. Second family takes care of family sometimes that means you need to sacrifice things too. I hope he goes and leaves your rude ass.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on Aug. 17, 2017 at 10:05 AM
What's the prognosis? Is this going to be short term?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Aug. 17, 2017 at 10:05 AM
1 mom liked this
He sees the child once a MONTH not every week. So no big deal in moving. More than likely a judge will side for her to move do to what is going on.

Quoting Anonymous 6: And if that is the case she will divorce his selfish ass and he will have to pay child support and wirk full time
You don't take a child away from a father who wants to be involved plus she may not even be able to leave legally

Quoting Anonymous 9: First your oldest see his father once a month a mve won't prevent that. Second family takes care of family sometimes that means you need to sacrifice things too. I hope he goes and leaves your rude ass.
redbottoms
by Ruby Member on Aug. 17, 2017 at 10:06 AM
Hopefully. I have no tolerance or pity for stubborn old people. They need to learn to work with their adult kids to not disrupt their lives and their grandchildrens lives

Quoting Anonymous 3: Don't worry she'll be dead soon and then you can get back to being your happy control freak self.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Poor guy because I expect him as a father to help raise and support his children?

Quoting Anonymous 3: Poor guy =(
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 17, 2017 at 10:06 AM

then that is HIS CHOICE to harbor resentment...

Quoting Anonymous 8: Even if he doesn't leave, he'll resent you for the rest of his life. Resentment always makes for a good healthy marriage. Goid luck with all tgat.
Quoting Anonymous 1: If my husband is willing to physically and financially abandon the family then yeah I guess it probably is. At least if we get divorced I'll be entitled to child support and he won't be entitled to take part of my paycheck to help support him in his mother
Quoting Anonymous 8: I'm sorry your marriage is likely over. I hope the divorce won't be too difficult on your children.


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