Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

She is angry and I don't blame her

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 127 Replies
My daughter scored 97th percentile in the math standardized testing and 99th percentile in the reading last year. The school did an award ceremony for the students who were in the 95th percentile or higher. My dd was so proud that she was being recognized for both. And she asked her dad if he would come. Me and my husband, the two we have together who are not yet in school as well as my parents and my brothers showed up. The night before, my daughter got a call from my ex saying that he would not be able to make it. He told her that he couldn't take the time off of work.

The next day she received her Awards as was really happy. But about an hour after she got home from school she came to me crying saying that her dad had lied to her that it wasn't that he couldn't get the time off work it was that his stepdaughter was receiving an award for the standardized testing at a different school on the same day and he went to hers. She saw the post her step-sister made of her award ceremony with pictures of my daughter's dad there.I tried to calm her down myself before she called her dad. I ran outside and called him to give him heads up of what was going on. He tried to explain that he didn't know his stepdaughter was going to tag him in the post with pictures of the two of them at the awards ceremony or post the pictures. He thought my daughter would never find out. He explained that he went to step daughter's award ceremony because nobody else was going. Her mom absolutely couldn't take the time off work, her dad lives in a different state and I guess no one else was available. He said that he knew that daughter would have plenty of people there for her but stepdaughter wouldn't have anybody. I told him that I felt badly for his stepdaughter but I still don't think that justifies bailing on his own daughter. I'm sorry but his own daughter should come first, especially because he promised her he would be there. I told him he should probably call her and apologize and try to work it out. I guess I might feel differently if he was a step dad like my husband is my daughter step dad. My husband has been in my daughter's life since she was 6 months old. She calls him dad and he's probably more of a father figure to her than my ex is. But my X only got married in May and he's only been with his wife for about a year-and-a-half. So it's not like he's practically this girl's father.

A little while later my daughter came out of her room, I knew she'd been talking to her dad. She said she can't believe him that he chose his stepdaughter over her. She said she told him that she doesn't want to talk to him anymore and if he forces her to come see him on his weekend she will not speak to him the entire weekend and she also refuses to speak to her replacement (his step dd).

Whilr I think she's being a little bit draumatic, as 12 year olds often are, I understand why she was upset. She was very proud of her achievement and while I feel that my ex should have come either way to hers, if his decision was not to I think at the very least he should have been honest with her about it. I think that that would have gone a long way to avoid hurt feelings.

My dh took her out for ice cream just the two of us ( this is a special thing for the two of them because two of the three children that my husband and I have together are lactose intolerant so we don't keep ice cream in the house so it's a treat for my daughter and it's always just her and me or her and my husband). that really seemed to cheer her up and I think it reminded her that she's got a lot of people who love her especially a lot of male figures who love her. but I think it'll help too that tonight my parents are picking her up to take her out to dinner and to their favorite used book store which is literally one of her favorite places in the world she always comes out carrying bags of books. This was something they were going to do anyway just because of her Awards but I think it'll cheer her up about her dad
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 18, 2017 at 12:51 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 18, 2017 at 12:55 PM
3 moms liked this
You should have made a doll who looks like him and sat it beside you.

Make an effort!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 18, 2017 at 12:57 PM
1 mom liked this
Lol you're kidding right?

Quoting Anonymous 2: You should have made a doll who looks like him and sat it beside you.

Make an effort!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 18, 2017 at 12:57 PM

I wouldn't speak to him for a long time if ever again. I'd be livid he choose his new ho's kid over me. That's disgusting. Now she knows where she stands at least. New family is clearly more important.

Sailor.Moon.Mom
by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2017 at 12:58 PM
8 moms liked this
He should have told her the truth. Why do parents lie to their kids like that? I bet she would have understood if he told her the truth
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Aug. 18, 2017 at 12:59 PM

Her dad should have been honest with her about why he couldn't be there for her. I bet she would have understood before the event.   Honest goes a long way and I guess your ex is learning that the hard way.

MissTuree
by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2017 at 1:00 PM
7 moms liked this
I get it. I really do. But she's also acting very spoiled. She is surrounded with love, this other little girl is obviously lacking in that department. If her dad was supposed to bring her...say McDonald's, even though you had already made her a full meal at home and the stepdaughter was starving, should he tell her no and still give it to his daughter? I think this can be a major lesson in compassion for her. But her dad should NOT have lied. That was his major mess up to me. He should've been honest and explained his reasoning and then told her how he would make it up to her to show how proud he was.
JalynSpoon
by CajunTarHeel on Aug. 18, 2017 at 1:00 PM
1 mom liked this

He wasn't honest & that is sad.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 18, 2017 at 1:00 PM
He wants me to talk her around basically tell her she needs to just get over it. And I won't do that because I think that just invalidates her feelings. It's not going to change the way she feels about the situation it's just going to make her feel like I don't care that she's hurt. I told him that an apology would go a long way but he said that he shouldn't apologize because ultimately he did the right thing. I can understand where he feels like it was the right thing because our daughter already had lots of people there for her and his stepdaughter didn't but it was still the wrong thing in the fact that he chose another kid over his own daughter and that he lied to his daughter and broke his word to his daughter. He told her he would be there and not only did he go back on that but he lied to her and told her that it was because at work which it was clearly not

Quoting Anonymous 3:

I wouldn't speak to him for a long time if ever again. I'd be livid he choose his new ho's kid over me. That's disgusting. Now she knows where she stands at least. New family is clearly more important.

MissTuree
by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2017 at 1:00 PM
lol It's his wife. How is she his "ho"?

Quoting Anonymous 3:

I wouldn't speak to him for a long time if ever again. I'd be livid he choose his new ho's kid over me. That's disgusting. Now she knows where she stands at least. New family is clearly more important.

Lynette
by Bronze Member on Aug. 18, 2017 at 1:01 PM
He was an idiot for lying to her.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)