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years of friendship and this is where we are :(

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 72 Replies
Warning: long drama...

So my bff was married to a man when we met, as was I. All four of us were great friends. We've since both become divorced. (We don't live close, this is relevant later on.)

She met her new bf first, 2.5 yrs ago. I didn't necessarily like how things progressed between them but I supported her and never said a word. He made her happy so whatever, that's what matters. Well here she is two babies later and planning a wedding. I'm her MOH.

I met my bf a year and a half ago and we fell very deeply in love very quickly. We got engaged 8 mths ago. She REALLY doesn't like him, and although she is not directly ugly towards him or specifically about him she makes it a point to point out how some minor inconveniences in my life are his fault (even when they're not). These are not major at all, like my car messed up and I had to leave one of her special events early and she made it out like it messed up bc he didn't maintain it properly, which is absurd, it was a random malfunction that he couldn't have possibly predicted and he actually gave me a new car right after it happened. Or when he was scheduled to go out of town for work so her and I made plans, no biggie right. Well he didn't know we made plans and he surprised me with a plane ticket out to see him. I had to postpone my plans w her or lose a $500 ticket and miss a very special weekend he arranged. She got extremely angry and said i was putting him first. Umm well duh, he went way out of his way to plan this special trip for me so yah I'm gonna postpone a weekend of binge watching teen mom in my pjs w you. I'd understand if she did it to me, and I know that bc I HAVE understood when she did it to

Anyway, her wedding is before mine (which was intentional on my part bc I didn't want to offend her by getting married first bc she got engaged first) I didn't wanna take any spotlight from her bc I love her and I want this all to be special for her. Well now all her other "besties" are running the wedding show and everything is all about them and what works best for them. Not one single consideration has been made for me and the fact that I have to travel, and it bothers me bc I would never in a million years ask that of her and then make it difficult for her. (Money isn't an issue, it's more about time and my schedule).

Df is saying I should bow out and just explain to her that Im not up to all the travel. But I know if i do that she will just blame him. I don't want to lose her, she really is my best friend, but I'm feeling like she doesn't accept my fiance like I've accepted hers.

Any advice?
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 21, 2017 at 11:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 21, 2017 at 11:29 PM
I'm sorry if that was kinda jumbled...I'm drowning my woes in a bottle of wine tonight :(
trish116
by Member on Aug. 21, 2017 at 11:37 PM
Having best friends you always want the best for them I would personally do a lot to be at a best friends wedding but I have no idea what you have to go through to get to her wedding. I think if you could try and think how you would feel if she didn't attend your wedding for whatever reason then that may give you an answer. Also it might be an idea to see who has made these plans that don't consider you or your situation. Have you asked her what she thinks of your fiancé ?
motherslove82
by Emerald Member on Aug. 21, 2017 at 11:42 PM
1 mom liked this
In some ways it sounds like the feeling is mutual and your fiance is not really fond of her either. Did he know that you planned to be with her the weekend that he planned the special getaway? It sounds like he intentionally planned it to keep you from seeing her.

I also can't believe he would suggest that you lie to her and skip her wedding.

My suggestion would be to jump through whatever hoops she needs for her wedding and when things calm down talk to her about your feelings.
Ted1242
by I'm listening. on Aug. 21, 2017 at 11:46 PM
She said he didn't know, and he never suggested she lie to her friend either.

Quoting motherslove82: In some ways it sounds like the feeling is mutual and your fiance is not really fond of her either. Did he know that you planned to be with her the weekend that he planned the special getaway? It sounds like he intentionally planned it to keep you from seeing her.

I also can't believe he would suggest that you lie to her and skip her wedding.

My suggestion would be to jump through whatever hoops she needs for her wedding and when things calm down talk to her about your feelings.
AngryBob
by Ruby Member on Aug. 21, 2017 at 11:48 PM
1 mom liked this

yeah, i'd be pissed if my best friend and i made plans (and we didn't live nearby so it was a big deal), and she ditched me for some dick.

what kind of asshole suggests his woman not go to her bf's wedding? this guy's been in your life a year and a half. don't drop a special friendship for someone you barely know, op.

Quoting motherslove82: In some ways it sounds like the feeling is mutual and your fiance is not really fond of her either. Did he know that you planned to be with her the weekend that he planned the special getaway? It sounds like he intentionally planned it to keep you from seeing her. I also can't believe he would suggest that you lie to her and skip her wedding. My suggestion would be to jump through whatever hoops she needs for her wedding and when things calm down talk to her about your feelings.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 21, 2017 at 11:48 PM
We've planned a destination wedding to be able to be with his family. It's going to be tiny, expensive, and gorgeous, and we are ecstatic. I knew they wouldn't be able to swing the expense of a trip like that and when I told my df they wouldnt be able to come he offered to pay thier gas and a hotel for them to attend. However our wedding is not baby friendly due to the location so they can't come anyway. When I asked her how she felt about him she said he seemed self centered and controlling and she didn't like the way I had changed since being with him. (Which translates to "less focused on her").

And the plans have all been made by the other girls in her bridal party. None of them like me bc I live far away and she still says I'm her #1 bff.

Quoting trish116: Having best friends you always want the best for them I would personally do a lot to be at a best friends wedding but I have no idea what you have to go through to get to her wedding. I think if you could try and think how you would feel if she didn't attend your wedding for whatever reason then that may give you an answer. Also it might be an idea to see who has made these plans that don't consider you or your situation. Have you asked her what she thinks of your fiancé ?
MikeysMom22
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Happy Black Friday All!! Advent will soon be here and the stores have us all believing the Christmas season is upon us!!! Don't get your self in a tangle!!
Today at 11:29 AM
by Ruby Member on Aug. 21, 2017 at 11:48 PM

It sounds like if you don't talk to each other about all of this your whole married lives you are going to be comparing and saying your dh said this and your dh did that and my dh didn't say such and such and no we didn't talk about yuou behind your back you talked about us behind our back and we found out ... yadda yadda yadda. 

quinnsmom715
by Ruby Member on Aug. 21, 2017 at 11:49 PM
2 moms liked this

i havent heard one part of a 'best friend'..

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 21, 2017 at 11:49 PM
Classic case of bridezilla combined with jealousy. You can't fix it I'm sorry
redheadtmk
by Ruby Member on Aug. 21, 2017 at 11:51 PM
I can't imagine having a best friend I couldn't just talk to about what ever bothered me. You need to just confront her with your feelings and get to the bottom of it.
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