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I don't know how to make dh see it

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 25 Replies
I'm convinced he just avoids anything pertaining to our home. He fusses about the house being a mess but only helps with cleaning every once and awhile after he gets angry about the house work getting behind and he snaps. We both work full time and when I get off work I have to cook dinner, help with homework, and care for an infant. So all week long, I'm very limited in how much time I have. He and the kids don't pick up after themselves despite my telling them to and even punishing the kids for being irresponsible.
So now we are leaving for a trip and we don't have everything done and he's fussing about waiting until the last minute. Last night I was up til 2am because he left to drop something off to a family member and go to Walmart to pick up things we needed. At 12:30 I texted him because I was worried. He had been sitting outside in the driveway for 45 minutes because he claimed his stomach was upset. He came inside and went right to bed. I thought he was upstairs getting things together and organized but no. When I realized he wasn't helping I went to bed also. Now I'm exhausted. Before he left for work he fussed about everything not being done.
He ALWAYS has a reason for not helping. Work. Running errands. Doesn't feel well. And then gets upset when one person can't do it all. He seems like he doesn't see it. But I'm starting to wonder if it's on purpose.
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 24, 2017 at 7:40 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 24, 2017 at 7:43 AM
Sounds like my husband except he seriously expected me to pack for him too!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 24, 2017 at 7:44 AM
I actually did pack a lot of stuff for him. But only the stuff I knew for sure he wanted. I'm not a mind reader.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Sounds like my husband except he seriously expected me to pack for him too!
BCauseImAwesome
by Platinum Member on Aug. 24, 2017 at 7:45 AM
What does he do when he gets home? Sounds like he wants a housewife
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 24, 2017 at 7:46 AM
3 moms liked this
Of course it's on purpose. These men have a fundamental belief that it's a woman's job to care for home and children, and it's made obvious by their actions. They are telling you that they don't value you. I don't understand how so many women are able to tolerate it.
redbottoms
by Platinum Member on Aug. 24, 2017 at 7:46 AM
1 mom liked this
Did you not go over this premarriage? DH and I did. We made a deal that if I have to work full time-then housework has to be shared equally or we hire a maid service. If I don't work full time then I will do the vast majority of it alone and DH will handle house repairs and yard work only.

We agreed on this before getting married. At first we both worked overtime full time basically 40+ hours a week and DH was not pulling his share of chores whatsoever. So we fought about it and I ended up saying fuck it and quit my job because he was breaking his part of the deal. At that point his salary was enough to get by on so I could quit and I did.

You need to sit down with DH and write down every chore or task that has to be done and then decide on who is responsible for what. Make it exact then there is no room for "Oh why is the bathroom dirty?" um because that is YOUR job. Then also if hiring a maid service is in the budget I would consider doing that too.
redbottoms
by Platinum Member on Aug. 24, 2017 at 7:48 AM
this. So then he needs to make enough money to support the family on his own and OP can quit her job. If OP does not want to quit her job or he does not make enough to support them just on his salary then he is going to have to get the fuck over it and hire a maid service or step up and help with the chores.

Quoting BCauseImAwesome: What does he do when he gets home? Sounds like he wants a housewife
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 24, 2017 at 7:52 AM
We've been together for 12 years and he just started this in the last year. Prior to that, this house ran like a machine.

Quoting redbottoms: Did you not go over this premarriage? DH and I did. We made a deal that if I have to work full time-then housework has to be shared equally or we hire a maid service. If I don't work full time then I will do the vast majority of it alone and DH will handle house repairs and yard work only.

We agreed on this before getting married. At first we both worked overtime full time basically 40+ hours a week and DH was not pulling his share of chores whatsoever. So we fought about it and I ended up saying fuck it and quit my job because he was breaking his part of the deal. At that point his salary was enough to get by on so I could quit and I did.

You need to sit down with DH and write down every chore or task that has to be done and then decide on who is responsible for what. Make it exact then there is no room for "Oh why is the bathroom dirty?" um because that is YOUR job. Then also if hiring a maid service is in the budget I would consider doing that too.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 24, 2017 at 7:53 AM
He doesn't get home until around 8 because of work. Then he's just sssoooooo tired and done for the night.

Quoting BCauseImAwesome: What does he do when he gets home? Sounds like he wants a housewife

redbottoms
by Platinum Member on Aug. 24, 2017 at 7:55 AM
ah okay......that does seem interesting. Has he been depressed lately maybe? Or any major changes that happened in your lives that could trigger this? Has he had health problems? Maybe mid life crisis? Maybe lower testosterone?



Quoting Anonymous 1: We've been together for 12 years and he just started this in the last year. Prior to that, this house ran like a machine.

Quoting redbottoms: Did you not go over this premarriage? DH and I did. We made a deal that if I have to work full time-then housework has to be shared equally or we hire a maid service. If I don't work full time then I will do the vast majority of it alone and DH will handle house repairs and yard work only.

We agreed on this before getting married. At first we both worked overtime full time basically 40+ hours a week and DH was not pulling his share of chores whatsoever. So we fought about it and I ended up saying fuck it and quit my job because he was breaking his part of the deal. At that point his salary was enough to get by on so I could quit and I did.

You need to sit down with DH and write down every chore or task that has to be done and then decide on who is responsible for what. Make it exact then there is no room for "Oh why is the bathroom dirty?" um because that is YOUR job. Then also if hiring a maid service is in the budget I would consider doing that too.
redbottoms
by Platinum Member on Aug. 24, 2017 at 7:57 AM
how old are you guys? Do you think maybe his age is just starting to catch up to him? When you get older you do have less energy. Its natural.

Is hiring a maid service in the budget at all? With two full time incomes its possible you can afford it. It might be worth every penny if both of you end up happier and not fighting all the time

Quoting Anonymous 1: He doesn't get home until around 8 because of work. Then he's just sssoooooo tired and done for the night.

Quoting BCauseImAwesome: What does he do when he gets home? Sounds like he wants a housewife
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