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I dont know if i can love her the way she is

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 196 Replies
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My 4 year old was diagnosed with autism a year ago. Everyone keeps spouting this garbage about "only special parents have special kids" or "you were meant to be her mom." also, "I'll learn to love her differences"
I'm so angry, I'm missing out on all the best parts of being a mom. Talking to her, taking her places, ha ing that bond, it's just not there and I feel lost. I feel like her differences and all the odd behaviors make me want to run away and like I'm not the right mom for her. I try my best, she has everything she needs and I put everything into helping her but can I ever truly love my child, den brave who she is without mourning the loss of who I wanted her to be?? An I a horrible, evil person????
Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 11, 2017 at 7:35 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 11, 2017 at 7:37 PM
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Yes you are
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Sep. 11, 2017 at 7:38 PM
13 moms liked this
You're not a horrible person. My dd has autism and I love her for who she is. That said, I still mourn the things that we miss out on because she is autistic. Mostly, I am sad for her because this is her life and she will likely always have struggles in one way or another because of it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Sep. 11, 2017 at 7:38 PM
2 moms liked this
No your not. You are just truthful and I feel your pain
Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Sep. 11, 2017 at 7:41 PM
2 moms liked this

yes because you can still have that bond with your daughter

without even trying you already gave up on her


smh

my dd13 is severely autistic and with time/dedication and serious therapies-she has adjusted quite well.

Give a little effort before giving up on your child.

If you need any help,feel free to PM me. There is help available.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Sep. 11, 2017 at 7:41 PM
8 moms liked this
You aren't horrible and I don't believe those phrases people have said to you. Maybe you haven't let yourself fully and completely mourn. Once you do, once you give up the dd you thought you had, you can begin to love the dd you do have.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Sep. 11, 2017 at 7:41 PM
4 moms liked this
I don't think you're horrible. I think you're doing exactly what you said...mourning the loss of who you thought she would be. I think you need help with that...a therapist, perhaps. Someone who can help you work through your feelings without judging you so that you can be able to let go of who you thought she would be and accept who she actually is.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Sep. 11, 2017 at 7:41 PM
3 moms liked this
I think that grieving what you imagined your experience as a mother would be, as opposed to what it is, is a natural thing to experience. Have you considered talking to a therapist about this, trying to understand and work through your feelings with someone supportive and non judgemental? If not, I hope you consider it. I'm sorry you are dealing with this, and I hope you can get some help, and that it gets better. Hugs, momma.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Sep. 11, 2017 at 7:43 PM

What are her behaviors like? 

Will she be going to school?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Sep. 11, 2017 at 7:43 PM
1 mom liked this
No. I wouldn't like it either.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Sep. 11, 2017 at 7:43 PM
4 moms liked this
You are human. Not an evil one, just human. You know what the problem is, so tackle it. Focus on the small victories, pour your energy into making sure your daughter gets the best therapy/medical care available, and make sure you take care of yourself. It's hard to be loving and see the silver lining when you are worn out and feeling hopeless.
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