Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is the way I discipline abusive in any way? Edit!

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

My children are 14, 13, 9, 7, 4, 2 and 2 months.

For my teens I use 3 strikes and your out...nowhere: I had to use this today for my 13 year old. She mouthed off to me, so I gave her a warning, after that I found out she got an F on her math test, so I took her phone and the 3rd strike was her hitting my 4 year old. She loses her phone for a week, and can not go out before/after school or on the weekends for a week with her friends. And for a teen aged girl, it is the end of the world!

For my kids 2-9 I use this: My 4 year old daughter hit my 2 year old, so I gave her a warning, she hit her again so I gave her a timeout, she hit her a 3rd time, so I took all electronics for 4 days, and when she hit again, I spanked her. just once, right on her leggings.

When the kids are 1 and under we just do timeouts. One and under means 11 months and up.

The reason I ask this question though, is that I had to do this with my 4 year old daughter today. All of the other moms in the homeschool group met up. When it came time to spank her, a woman I had only known for a month asked me if I abused my kids. My answer was "Yep! That is why I brought them to see their friends today, and brought pizza and cookies for all of the kids. I hate 'em!" After a 2 minute pause I gave her a serious answer. "No, I love them with all my might. I am not going to let my 13 year old (who was mad at me) and my 4 year olds control me!"

Do you think this is abusive? And do you think I was wrong for giving a sarcastic answer at first?


Edit: We are keeping the rules the same for the teens. We are seperating the ages groups 1-2, 3-5, 6-8 and 9-12. Obviously 13-17. For 1-2 we are going to start redirecting with toys. 3-5 get warning, timeout and final resort toy taken. 6-8 get warning, timeout and then tablet/phone/computer taken or toy taken. 9-12 get a warning, timeout, an electronic taken then a toy taken. Everything is taken for a week. And y'all know the teens punishment. Although, they might get to keep the phones and such. The way we were raising them is the way he was raised. He got mad and left. But thank you fpr the opinons! 

Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 13, 2017 at 8:33 PM
Replies (131-135):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 33 on Sep. 14, 2017 at 10:54 PM

You put your one year old in time out. LMFAO. And you hit them to stop them from hitting others? You need your phone taken away for a week.....  Funnest post I've seen all day. Take a parenting course or something. 

Yes every time you strike a child you are being abusive. Taking a cell phone away is not abusive, however I think that your rules are crazy, and stupid. 

Oh she got a F because she failed her homeschool classical conversations class.... yawn.... no wonder. Let your kids live. Send them to real school. Stop spending so much time with them and nit picking every little thing they do. Stop hitting your kids to get them to stop hitting each other. Where do you think they learn that its ok to hit.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 33 on Sep. 14, 2017 at 11:17 PM

cheraerae
by Member on Sep. 15, 2017 at 7:58 PM
And where in the new covenant does it address discipline of children!? The Old Testament was a guide. The covenant was something else. I didn't spank my kids daily nor weekly. And the fact that you don't understand the difference between the covenant and a proverb makes me wonder if you understand Christianity. Smh

Quoting Anonymous 3: Since you're justifying spanking by the Old Testament, what other rules of the Old Testament are you following?

Do you follow the dietary laws of the Old Testament? Do you consider anyone who touches you during your period unclean? Do you stone your neighbor who cheated on his wife? Use the song of Solomon as your sex rule book? Kill your coworker who is Wiccan?

I'm sure your answers would be no. But those are all things from the Old Testament, just like spare the rod. Jesus gave us the New Covenant. Don't try to justify what you're doing based on Christianity.


Quoting cheraerae: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/effective-biblical-discipline/effective-child-discipline/five-characteristics-of-biblical-discipline

Unless you want to question focus on the family I believe this may refute your statement.
Quoting cheraerae: If you think children being spanked began in the Victorian era then you my dear have your head so far down the rabbit hole I would suggest educating yourself further.
Quoting BmoreRavens:

Quoting cheraerae: And you're the end-all authority on them because?

Quoting corticosteroid:

Timeouts are inappropriate for children under the age of two.  Period.

Quoting cheraerae: i think timeouts are great for 1-2 year olds it's absolute torture to have to stay still for a single minute and it's a good Way to start easing into the consequence. If my 1-2 y/o was biting I bite back. And hitting earned a swat on the hand hard enough to remind them it doesn't feel good. Kids don't like to feel the pain of their own actions. No one does. Sorry not sorry I believe the Bible was correct when they stated spare the rod spoil the child. And spoiling is abuse in its own way. Be upright with your children and they will be upright with you.

Quoting corticosteroid:

You're giving timeouts to kids under one year of age?

That is not a quote from the Bible.

Nowhere, in the Bible is the word spank. Spanking is rooted in Paganism, as Catholic priests spanked barren women to make them fertile, and obviously had nothing to do with parenting children; until the Victorian era when children were to be seen and not heard, and other such nonsense, and children began being spanked.

Christians take a handful of verses from Proverbs, and TWIST them into meaning "spanking" ... and then they put the blame for their choice to hit their child on the behind on GOD!!!

As IF, God would wants a parent to do such a gross thing! Or BITE their child or SLAP their child's hand.

The nasty things that some of you teach your children that JESUS wants you to do!

1

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Sep. 15, 2017 at 8:25 PM
Actually, discipline of children is mentioned in the New Testament twice. Ephesians 6:4 tells parents not to provoke our children to anger, but to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of God. Colossians 3:21 tells us not to provoke our children lest they become discouraged.

You don't think many children are filled with rage by parents who spank? They are. You can bring up children in the way of the Lord without hitting them. Millions of Christians around the world do it every day.

Bt the way, you still haven't answered if you follow all the rules of the Old Testament.

Quoting cheraerae: And where in the new covenant does it address discipline of children!? The Old Testament was a guide. The covenant was something else. I didn't spank my kids daily nor weekly. And the fact that you don't understand the difference between the covenant and a proverb makes me wonder if you understand Christianity. Smh

Quoting Anonymous 3: Since you're justifying spanking by the Old Testament, what other rules of the Old Testament are you following?





Do you follow the dietary laws of the Old Testament? Do you consider anyone who touches you during your period unclean? Do you stone your neighbor who cheated on his wife? Use the song of Solomon as your sex rule book? Kill your coworker who is Wiccan?





I'm sure your answers would be no. But those are all things from the Old Testament, just like spare the rod. Jesus gave us the New Covenant. Don't try to justify what you're doing based on Christianity.


Quoting cheraerae: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/effective-biblical-discipline/effective-child-discipline/five-characteristics-of-biblical-discipline





Unless you want to question focus on the family I believe this may refute your statement.


Quoting cheraerae: If you think children being spanked began in the Victorian era then you my dear have your head so far down the rabbit hole I would suggest educating yourself further.


Quoting BmoreRavens:

Quoting cheraerae: And you're the end-all authority on them because?





Quoting corticosteroid:

Timeouts are inappropriate for children under the age of two.  Period.

Quoting cheraerae: i think timeouts are great for 1-2 year olds it's absolute torture to have to stay still for a single minute and it's a good Way to start easing into the consequence. If my 1-2 y/o was biting I bite back. And hitting earned a swat on the hand hard enough to remind them it doesn't feel good. Kids don't like to feel the pain of their own actions. No one does. Sorry not sorry I believe the Bible was correct when they stated spare the rod spoil the child. And spoiling is abuse in its own way. Be upright with your children and they will be upright with you.





Quoting corticosteroid:

You're giving timeouts to kids under one year of age?

That is not a quote from the Bible.

Nowhere, in the Bible is the word spank. Spanking is rooted in Paganism, as Catholic priests spanked barren women to make them fertile, and obviously had nothing to do with parenting children; until the Victorian era when children were to be seen and not heard, and other such nonsense, and children began being spanked.

Christians take a handful of verses from Proverbs, and TWIST them into meaning "spanking" ... and then they put the blame for their choice to hit their child on the behind on GOD!!!

As IF, God would wants a parent to do such a gross thing! Or BITE their child or SLAP their child's hand.

The nasty things that some of you teach your children that JESUS wants you to do!

1

cheraerae
by Member on Sep. 18, 2017 at 7:51 PM
Yes do not provoke them. Spanking isn't a provoke to anger it's a firm show of correction best used on a 2-3 year old 1-2 spanks is more than enough and if they need that kind of correction more than once a month you need to check yourself. To hit your child to make them angry is horrible. I know I was raised that way. Spanking has a place in discipline when used correctly at the right times. But if you can't reign your kid in by four with a look and soft word you need to reconsider your approach.

Quoting Anonymous 3: Actually, discipline of children is mentioned in the New Testament twice. Ephesians 6:4 tells parents not to provoke our children to anger, but to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of God. Colossians 3:21 tells us not to provoke our children lest they become discouraged.

You don't think many children are filled with rage by parents who spank? They are. You can bring up children in the way of the Lord without hitting them. Millions of Christians around the world do it every day.

Bt the way, you still haven't answered if you follow all the rules of the Old Testament.

Quoting cheraerae: And where in the new covenant does it address discipline of children!? The Old Testament was a guide. The covenant was something else. I didn't spank my kids daily nor weekly. And the fact that you don't understand the difference between the covenant and a proverb makes me wonder if you understand Christianity. Smh
Quoting Anonymous 3: Since you're justifying spanking by the Old Testament, what other rules of the Old Testament are you following?

Do you follow the dietary laws of the Old Testament? Do you consider anyone who touches you during your period unclean? Do you stone your neighbor who cheated on his wife? Use the song of Solomon as your sex rule book? Kill your coworker who is Wiccan?

I'm sure your answers would be no. But those are all things from the Old Testament, just like spare the rod. Jesus gave us the New Covenant. Don't try to justify what you're doing based on Christianity.
Quoting cheraerae: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/effective-biblical-discipline/effective-child-discipline/five-characteristics-of-biblical-discipline

Unless you want to question focus on the family I believe this may refute your statement.
Quoting cheraerae: If you think children being spanked began in the Victorian era then you my dear have your head so far down the rabbit hole I would suggest educating yourself further.
Quoting BmoreRavens:

Quoting cheraerae: And you're the end-all authority on them because?

Quoting corticosteroid:

Timeouts are inappropriate for children under the age of two.  Period.

Quoting cheraerae: i think timeouts are great for 1-2 year olds it's absolute torture to have to stay still for a single minute and it's a good Way to start easing into the consequence. If my 1-2 y/o was biting I bite back. And hitting earned a swat on the hand hard enough to remind them it doesn't feel good. Kids don't like to feel the pain of their own actions. No one does. Sorry not sorry I believe the Bible was correct when they stated spare the rod spoil the child. And spoiling is abuse in its own way. Be upright with your children and they will be upright with you.

Quoting corticosteroid:

You're giving timeouts to kids under one year of age?

That is not a quote from the Bible.

Nowhere, in the Bible is the word spank. Spanking is rooted in Paganism, as Catholic priests spanked barren women to make them fertile, and obviously had nothing to do with parenting children; until the Victorian era when children were to be seen and not heard, and other such nonsense, and children began being spanked.

Christians take a handful of verses from Proverbs, and TWIST them into meaning "spanking" ... and then they put the blame for their choice to hit their child on the behind on GOD!!!

As IF, God would wants a parent to do such a gross thing! Or BITE their child or SLAP their child's hand.

The nasty things that some of you teach your children that JESUS wants you to do!

1

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)