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My sister was sexually abused

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 45 Replies
I am 38 years old, my sister is 36. Last week she opened up with me about something she has been struggling with for the past year. All I knew was that growing up she was a very shy child, that she had a hard time adapting to new schools or people. I always thought she was a little weird with self esteem problems. I also knew that she has been taking therapy with a psychiatrist lately. Turns out she started having nightmares and flashbacks of horrible memories of my uncle performing sexual acts on her when she was only three!!! Her mind blacked out on all this all these years, she says. She told me through text message. The impact these news is major on me... I want to help her son bad, but also I want to hurt my uncle... I am so shocked. I have been more in touch with her since she told me about this. Not necessarily about "that", but I want her to know I am there for her. We live in different states, so this is my way to let her know I'm there. She told me she's not ready to talk about it on the phone and to please not to bring it up unless she does. I understand.
If you have any ideas where to start helping her or healing. It will be very much appreciated.
Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 16, 2017 at 1:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
new2this09
by Silver Member on Sep. 16, 2017 at 1:09 PM
2 moms liked this
Encourage her to keep getting therapy and honor her wishes. That's really all you can do.
3gr8tKids
by Platinum Member on Sep. 16, 2017 at 1:09 PM
1 mom liked this
The only thing that you can do for her is to hold space for her in a way that is loving and nonjudgmental while she sorts this out.

This is an esoteric journey, and one she has to take on her own.

It's so terribly unfortunate, and the uncle needs to be held accountable for his actions. I hope you all confront Tim and press charges I found be true.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 16, 2017 at 1:11 PM
3 moms liked this

Respect her wishes not to bring it up unless she does. Check in with her. Go visit her when you can and give her a real life hug and show her you are there for her. I had a brother that attempted to kill me (that part I knew) but he also attempted to molest me (part I had blacked out). I only began to talk about parts of what happened in the last few years. Let her control the pace at which she tells you things.

Kaelee1
by Gold Member on Sep. 16, 2017 at 1:12 PM
1 mom liked this
Just call her and talk. Ask her about her kids, job, hobbies....etc. she has probably felt mentally isolated and alone for a really long time. Also, maybe offer to do a phone call with the therapist when it comes up for the sole purpose of asking the professional how you can best help and support her. Only when it comes up.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 16, 2017 at 1:12 PM
It's been 33 years, I wonder if anything can be done at this point. I'll see if she ever bring this up too. My protective nature is telling me to do something, but also, I need to be very careful to not disturb her more. Thank you!

Quoting 3gr8tKids: The only thing that you can do for her is to hold space for her in a way that is loving and nonjudgmental while she sorts this out.

This is an esoteric journey, and one she has to take on her own.

It's so terribly unfortunate, and the uncle needs to be held accountable for his actions. I hope you all confront Tim and press charges I found be true.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 16, 2017 at 1:14 PM
I am so sorry you went through something similar. And I hope you can heal in the best way. Thank you!

Quoting Anonymous 2:

Respect her wishes not to bring it up unless she does. Check in with her. Go visit her when you can and give her a real life hug and show her you are there for her. I had a brother that attempted to kill me (that part I knew) but he also attempted to molest me (part I had blacked out). I only began to talk about parts of what happened in the last few years. Let her control the pace at which she tells you things.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Sep. 16, 2017 at 1:15 PM

There have been more than a few documentaries about false memories and how the therapists convince a patient to 'remember' such abuse.  

I know that many of you will say you remember everything from 3 years of age but....i don't believe it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 16, 2017 at 1:18 PM
In this case I believe it. My uncle (the abuser) was sexually abused as a child too. People repeat patterns and her memories are lucid. She was abused from the age of 3 to 5.

Quoting Anonymous 3:

There have been more than a few documentaries about false memories and how the therapists convince a patient to 'remember' such abuse.  

I know that many of you will say you remember everything from 3 years of age but....i don't believe it.

mommaof697
by on Sep. 16, 2017 at 1:20 PM
1 mom liked this

Been there. Wait for her. Let her lead on this there will be a time when she needs her sister. 

Sans-Equanimity
by Closet Optimist on Sep. 16, 2017 at 1:21 PM
3 moms liked this
Just keep doing what you're doing, and continue to be patient and understanding.

As a victim of CSA myself, thank you from the bottom of my heart for not doubting her, and for being so completely behind her. She NEEDS that. The pain of being doubted is deep and long lasting.
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