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Added for clarification No, your son can not move in with us

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 192 Replies
My husband and I both have teenagers I have an almost 17 year old daughter who lives with me 100% of the time and he has an almost 15 year old son who is here every other weekend. His ex lives 10 minutes and both our house and hers are zoned for the same school. This is very handy because this way he can catch the bus from both houses because my husband ex has to leave for work before their son leaves for school so she would be unable to drive him.

They were just informed that the county is rezoning and my ss's mom's house is not zoned for his school. This means he will not be able to attend the current school unless he moves in with us or finds a ride to school. I am not okay with him moving in for the following reasons

1. He is incredibly disrespectful towards me and dd. Never when dh is around and dh always disciplines him when I tell him that he does it when he's not around but it just doesn't seem to change. It's not so bad with him being here every other weekend because dh is almost always here but I work from home, I would be dealing with him quite a lot

2. Dh's ex cannot afford to get by without the child support. So she said she would only agree to this Arrangement if he continues to pay cs. She said that she would continue to buy his clothes shoes and school supplies so she doesn't understand what the big deal is. The big deal is he's an almost 15 year old boy. He eats like crazy as do most 15 year old boys. So we would be supporting him at our house and still paying child support to her house.

3. When he is over here his mom thinks it's okay to drop by whenever she wants. I should always has a reason but it's still annoying. I can only imagine how often she would be dropping by if he lives with us full time.

Dh is upset but he understands my reasoning. He asked my daughter if she would be willing to pick him up from his mom's house and drive him to school every day and then drive him home. She said no because he's disrespectful to her. Half the weekends he comes over she goes to her friend's house which is fine because that's normal for teenage girls anyway to be at their friends houses. But because she dislikes him so much there's no reason that she would be willing to drive 10 minutes to his house 10 minutes back this direction then to the school then turn around and do the opposite in the afternoon ( total of 40 minutes extra driving). This dh did not understand. He told dd that if she won't help, she won't be allowed to drive. I pulled him into the other room and explained to him that that's not his decision. The car was bought from a trust from her late father's life insurance. Her car insurance is paid out of the same. I am allowed to take her driving privileges away but I don't see that refusing to drive somebody around who is disrespectful to her as a reason to take away her driving privileges. Dh is now mad at both me and my daughter and has been stomping around. I told him that if he had gotten his son's attitude and disrespect under control things might be different. But since he didn't this is the way it is.

Added for clarification

I'm getting a few of the same replies over and over so rather than repeating myself I'm just going to add the responses right here

Him walking or riding his bike to the bus stop in our neighborhood isn't really a possibility. My house and his mom's house are a little over 5 miles apart and you have to go through two major intersections. Plus because school starts at 7 in the morning and the bus gets to the bus stop at about 6:40 it would be dark a lot of the time that he was writing. For that reason his parents do not feel comfortable with it which I do understand.

some of you have suggested that his mom drop him off at my house on her way to work and him hang out at my house until it's time to go to the bus. Number one I really don't want him hanging around at my house an hour to two hours especially because my husband will not be home during that time or at least will not be home during most of that time and like I said he's a lot more disrespectful men my husband isn't there. Plus he doesn't want to do it and neither does his mom. Her dropping him off at my house would mean that she would have to leave 20 to 30 minutes earlier every day which she doesn't want to do and he would have to leave with her at about 4:30 in the morning which he doesn't want to do.

None of his friends Drive which means that it would not be possible to get a ride with a friend. Obviously everyone in his neighborhood will be rezoned to the new school so he won't be able to get a ride with anybody in the neighborhood. Besides if your under-18 you cannot ride with a minor in your car who is not immediate family or who is not also a licensed driver. Because of this it would be very hard to get another teenager who would be willing to drive him, Even for pay. The only option would be somebody who is already 18.

Me saying that he cannot move into our house would not be the same thing as my husband telling me that my daughter needs to leave the house. For one it is my house. I had it long before I met my husband and it is paid off so it's not even like he's paying the mortgage. Also he knew when we got married that my daughter does not have another parent to go to and that she would be living in the house full time.


Some people are saying that my husband is choosing a woman over his son and that's not the case. He is choosing not to allow his wife and stepdaughter to be routinely disrespected by his son. His son has made it so myself and my daughter are not comfortable being in the house with him if my husband is not home. This is 100% his fault and could have been avoided with him just showing the slightest bit of respect. In fact not only is this not my husband choosing his wife over his son it's me not choosing my husband over my daughter

He cannot be grandfathered in because he is not a senior. Only seniors are able to be grandfathered in. However he would be able to go by using our address he just needs the transportation
Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 22, 2017 at 12:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 22, 2017 at 12:02 PM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 22, 2017 at 12:07 PM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 22, 2017 at 12:07 PM

He should be grandfathered in IMO. I would fight it. Or I would just change it on paper but not for real. Are they really going to know he doesn't live at your address 24/7? Probably not. I wouldn't want him in my house permanently either. I don't blame you. 

caustinb
by Ruby Member on Sep. 22, 2017 at 12:09 PM
5 moms liked this
Why don't you just use your address to register him and he stays at moms?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 22, 2017 at 12:09 PM
They can't grandfather him in. The whole point is a new neighborhood has been built that is zoned for the school and there would be far too many kids if not for the rezoning. The only people who are exempt are seniors. He could still use our address but live with his mom if he had a way to get to school which he doesn't

Quoting Anonymous 2:

He should be grandfathered in IMO. I would fight it. Or I would just change it on paper but not for real. Are they really going to know he doesn't live at your address 24/7? Probably not. I wouldn't want him in my house permanently either. I don't blame you. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Sep. 22, 2017 at 12:10 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't blame you one bit.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 22, 2017 at 12:10 PM
Like I said he could do that if he had a ride to school. Which is my my husband bought my daughter driving him every day was a solution. But he doesn't have a ride to and from school and obviously there won't be a bus to take him anymore

Quoting caustinb: Why don't you just use your address to register him and he stays at moms?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 22, 2017 at 12:11 PM

Idk how things work now but when I was in high school my friends drove me to school. He should figure something out. 

Quoting Anonymous 1: They can't grandfather him in. The whole point is a new neighborhood has been built that is zoned for the school and there would be far too many kids if not for the rezoning. The only people who are exempt are seniors. He could still use our address but live with his mom if he had a way to get to school which he doesn't
Quoting Anonymous 2:

He should be grandfathered in IMO. I would fight it. Or I would just change it on paper but not for real. Are they really going to know he doesn't live at your address 24/7? Probably not. I wouldn't want him in my house permanently either. I don't blame you. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 22, 2017 at 12:11 PM
Thank you. And I certainly don't blame my daughter. At this point I think my husband's blaming her almost as much as he's blaming me.

Quoting Anonymous 3: I don't blame you one bit.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 22, 2017 at 12:12 PM
The problem is he's not even fifteen yet so he really doesn't have any friends who drive. And until you were 17 you are not allowed to drive with anyone else in the car who's under 18 unless that person is your sibling. Apparently step-siblings do count

Quoting Anonymous 2:

Idk how things work now but when I was in high school my friends drove me to school. He should figure something out. 

Quoting Anonymous 1: They can't grandfather him in. The whole point is a new neighborhood has been built that is zoned for the school and there would be far too many kids if not for the rezoning. The only people who are exempt are seniors. He could still use our address but live with his mom if he had a way to get to school which he doesn't



Quoting Anonymous 2:

He should be grandfathered in IMO. I would fight it. Or I would just change it on paper but not for real. Are they really going to know he doesn't live at your address 24/7? Probably not. I wouldn't want him in my house permanently either. I don't blame you. 

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