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Us being together will only mess up our kid

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 13 Replies
I'm just venting here.

My bf and I decided to split up because us being together will surely make our kid grow up messed up like we did and we don't want that... That kid is the best thing we've done in our lives and we want to raise him good, not with all the shit we had to go through growing up. He deserves good.

Is hard, though. For years now all we had was each other, we understand each other and we know everything about each other. We both come from very fucked up households and we met when we were teenagers (I was 14, he was 16) and that was it, we clicked and the rest is history.

I know what we had was not okay, always drinking and partying and if not we were fighting ugly fights. We saw the things we hated in ourselves in each other and it was chaos, but it was how we dealt and we were fine. But then in the middle of all that I got pregnant, and we tried to be good parents together.

But it wasn't working, before we exploded and got things out. Now we were keeping it all inside until it was too much and the fights were worse. And so we decided it was better to just end our relationship, we are toxic to each other and that's not what our son needs.

I miss him a lot but I gotta be strong, when he comes to see our son, we only talk about our son. Same when we text, only about our son and sometimes ask each other how things are going buy that's it.

I guess I never realized how dependent of him I was until now, these days I just feel super lonely and sad and my mind is loud all day. I supposed I just need to learn how to deal.

Sorry, just needed to get it out.
Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 23, 2017 at 3:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Ash452345
by Bronze Member on Sep. 23, 2017 at 4:06 PM
1 mom liked this
You seriously described my life with my ex.. I haven't been with him for two months now and it does get a little easier everyday.. how long ago did you guys split up? I was dependent on my ex too. Didn't work throughout my pregnancy and still don't because I'm breast feeding. He was my best friend and I'm so used to talking to him everyday but I've learned to not text him first. If he wants to talk he will contact me. At least you and your ex communicate about your son. Mine doesn't really care about ours, he does but he doesn't. He's too busy drinking and partying everyday to make an effort to see him. But you guys both made the right decision! I had to leave my toxic relationship for the same reason.. my son deserves the best. I feel really lonely all the time too but I've been hanging out with friends which is helping a little. Try to stay busy so you don't sit and dwell. Even when I go out with friends I still think about him and wished we could have had a different relationship but that's just not the case.. time heals all wounds hun. Before you know it you'll be okay with being alone and learn to love your own company. This is what I keep telling myself lol
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 23, 2017 at 4:11 PM
I hope you’re not toxic apart as well.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Sep. 23, 2017 at 4:14 PM
Good for you on making the right decision. I know how being dependent is like. I know how hard it is. Now you need to start imagining what you want your life to be like. Where do you want to live? How much money do you want to make? What job? Hobbies? Get into your own life and make some goals, set small attainable steps.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Sep. 23, 2017 at 4:16 PM

How are you supporting yourself nd your son if you do not work?

Quoting Ash452345: You seriously described my life with my ex.. I haven't been with him for two months now and it does get a little easier everyday.. how long ago did you guys split up? I was dependent on my ex too. Didn't work throughout my pregnancy and still don't because I'm breast feeding. He was my best friend and I'm so used to talking to him everyday but I've learned to not text him first. If he wants to talk he will contact me. At least you and your ex communicate about your son. Mine doesn't really care about ours, he does but he doesn't. He's too busy drinking and partying everyday to make an effort to see him. But you guys both made the right decision! I had to leave my toxic relationship for the same reason.. my son deserves the best. I feel really lonely all the time too but I've been hanging out with friends which is helping a little. Try to stay busy so you don't sit and dwell. Even when I go out with friends I still think about him and wished we could have had a different relationship but that's just not the case.. time heals all wounds hun. Before you know it you'll be okay with being alone and learn to love your own company. This is what I keep telling myself lol


Ash452345
by Bronze Member on Sep. 23, 2017 at 4:23 PM
I'm living with my parents, collecting paid family leave and then go back on unemployment once that's finished. Just saving up money so when I go back to work I can save for a place of my own.

Quoting Anonymous 4:

How are you supporting yourself nd your son if you do not work?

Quoting Ash452345: You seriously described my life with my ex.. I haven't been with him for two months now and it does get a little easier everyday.. how long ago did you guys split up? I was dependent on my ex too. Didn't work throughout my pregnancy and still don't because I'm breast feeding. He was my best friend and I'm so used to talking to him everyday but I've learned to not text him first. If he wants to talk he will contact me. At least you and your ex communicate about your son. Mine doesn't really care about ours, he does but he doesn't. He's too busy drinking and partying everyday to make an effort to see him. But you guys both made the right decision! I had to leave my toxic relationship for the same reason.. my son deserves the best. I feel really lonely all the time too but I've been hanging out with friends which is helping a little. Try to stay busy so you don't sit and dwell. Even when I go out with friends I still think about him and wished we could have had a different relationship but that's just not the case.. time heals all wounds hun. Before you know it you'll be okay with being alone and learn to love your own company. This is what I keep telling myself lol

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Sep. 23, 2017 at 4:30 PM
How can you qualify for unemployment if you are choosing not to work because you are nursing?

Quoting Ash452345: I'm living with my parents, collecting paid family leave and then go back on unemployment once that's finished. Just saving up money so when I go back to work I can save for a place of my own.

Quoting Anonymous 4:

How are you supporting yourself nd your son if you do not work?

Quoting Ash452345: You seriously described my life with my ex.. I haven't been with him for two months now and it does get a little easier everyday.. how long ago did you guys split up? I was dependent on my ex too. Didn't work throughout my pregnancy and still don't because I'm breast feeding. He was my best friend and I'm so used to talking to him everyday but I've learned to not text him first. If he wants to talk he will contact me. At least you and your ex communicate about your son. Mine doesn't really care about ours, he does but he doesn't. He's too busy drinking and partying everyday to make an effort to see him. But you guys both made the right decision! I had to leave my toxic relationship for the same reason.. my son deserves the best. I feel really lonely all the time too but I've been hanging out with friends which is helping a little. Try to stay busy so you don't sit and dwell. Even when I go out with friends I still think about him and wished we could have had a different relationship but that's just not the case.. time heals all wounds hun. Before you know it you'll be okay with being alone and learn to love your own company. This is what I keep telling myself lol

Ash452345
by Bronze Member on Sep. 23, 2017 at 4:37 PM
I got laid off while I was pregnant, so therefore have been on unemployment since.

Quoting Anonymous 5: How can you qualify for unemployment if you are choosing not to work because you are nursing?

Quoting Ash452345: I'm living with my parents, collecting paid family leave and then go back on unemployment once that's finished. Just saving up money so when I go back to work I can save for a place of my own.

Quoting Anonymous 4:

How are you supporting yourself nd your son if you do not work?

Quoting Ash452345: You seriously described my life with my ex.. I haven't been with him for two months now and it does get a little easier everyday.. how long ago did you guys split up? I was dependent on my ex too. Didn't work throughout my pregnancy and still don't because I'm breast feeding. He was my best friend and I'm so used to talking to him everyday but I've learned to not text him first. If he wants to talk he will contact me. At least you and your ex communicate about your son. Mine doesn't really care about ours, he does but he doesn't. He's too busy drinking and partying everyday to make an effort to see him. But you guys both made the right decision! I had to leave my toxic relationship for the same reason.. my son deserves the best. I feel really lonely all the time too but I've been hanging out with friends which is helping a little. Try to stay busy so you don't sit and dwell. Even when I go out with friends I still think about him and wished we could have had a different relationship but that's just not the case.. time heals all wounds hun. Before you know it you'll be okay with being alone and learn to love your own company. This is what I keep telling myself lol

Lindalou907
by Gold Member on Sep. 23, 2017 at 4:41 PM

Did you two ever try couples counseling?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 24, 2017 at 4:32 AM
Thanks, it is hard. It is weird to think that now I have to move on, make my own decisions and actually interact with other people. It kinda sucks, but it is also good. I will try to set goals as you said.

Quoting Anonymous 3: Good for you on making the right decision. I know how being dependent is like. I know how hard it is. Now you need to start imagining what you want your life to be like. Where do you want to live? How much money do you want to make? What job? Hobbies? Get into your own life and make some goals, set small attainable steps.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 24, 2017 at 4:33 AM
We are not. We are not perfectly normal but we are manageable when separated. Plus we are working hard on setting a good example for our child.

Quoting Anonymous 2: I hope you’re not toxic apart as well.
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