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Kind of depressed over schedules...LONG

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 15 Replies

I know a lot of people have it worse than I do, but I specifically didn't date anyone who was military or an over the road trucker or anything like that. When I met my husband, he was a farmer, which meant harvest and planting, I knew they'd be long days for him of me basically seeing him to say good night, but the rest of the time was fairly flexible. After we got engaged and my kids and I moved in, and I guess a bit before, he talked about not working the family farm anymore. I was a bit happy knowing he would have a regular set schedule, though I told him it was whatever he wanted to do. (lots of family drama made him leave the farm)

He decided that since he had some electrical repair training in college and there is a good union around here, he'd become an electircian. Soon after he got hired on with a company as an apprentice he was working normal hours and I actually was pretty happy with things. Then he switched job sites which meant because of where we live, he had to get up at 4 to have time to get around and to work by 6am. I'll admit, I wasn't thrilled when after a  bit he said that he didn't want to have sex during the week because by the time the kids got in bed he'd have already showered and didn't want to go to work smelling like sex the next morning. And honestly he goes to bed only an hour after the kids do so there isn't much time. I know to some this isn't a big deal, but it kind of bothered me how we basically had to plan out sex. And its not like I don't work, I run a business and I do physical work and I have back problems I'm dealing with every day. But now its like Friday nights he doesn't want to be up long, he's tired from being up at 4am and doesn't feel up for sex, but then Saturday (I work during the day) he doesn't want to stay up past 9 so he can stay on schedule. By the time I get home from work and every other weekend I'll have picked up my kids from my ex on Saturdays so its about 7pm by the time I get home, we pretty much eat, get the kids going to bed and maybe have that hour of time for sex, but really my 9 year old is allowed to read til 8:30 so we don't really try for anything til she is asleep...When the fuck are we supposed to have sex? Oh and 2 nights a week he now has classes for his apprencticeship which means he doesn't get home til 8:30 or so.

I get depressed because he doesn't have a very high sex drive and sometimes it makes me feel unwanted. Since we only have one day off together, and every other weekend the kids are only gone friday nights/saturday while I'm at work so basically it works out to about the only time we can have sex is maybe Saturday after I get off work or during the day sundays only every other weekend...2 weeks with no sex :( I've always had a high sex drive and sometimes even when I'm hurting and tired, I still want it. He doesn't seem to care when we have sex so that leaves me to initiate it most of the time. He was getting better about it, but then he hasn't been for awhile now. This morning I happened to wake up early about the time he did and I knew the kids wouldn't be up for a couple hours so I went out to start things with him and he basically blew me off. Didn't feel like "getting his body moving in the morning" but then was just fine to go pick up the mower to mow our yard...I have talked to him about how important sex is to me, because to me it is a form of bonding. I need to have another conversation, if we ever have any time...*sigh* I'm just so tired of day to day life getting in the way of everything.

Not only does it make it hard to find time for sex, but its like there is always something that has to be done. Between trying to run my business, hurting all the time with sometimes severe back pain, managing the kids and what my ex's family wants to do with them, trying to keep up with housework, keep groceries in the house, deal with feeling alone, find time for hobbies I love but never have time for, and paying most of the bills, I honestly just want to sit and cry some days. Honestly everything is effecting my business too, I really messed up the other day and a client was furious with me, it was partially my fault, but hers too, but I was in a bad emotional state and was in pain and messed up. I literally cried after the client yelled at me and I am not a cryer. I feel like im in such a bad place right now. I'm stressed and sad and really need a vacation, but can't take one. Honestly it sounds stupid but when I don't get sex I also get more sad. There is something about that connection with my husband I really miss when we don't have time. I miss cuddling with him. Every night he goes to bed at 9 and I am out here in the living room. If I go to bed with him I keep him up because he can't fall asleep cuddling. I miss going to bed together, spontanious sex (which honestly was still mostly at night when we went to bed, but we could do it any night before), cuddling, and not being so stressed and I think one of the hardest parts as that he doesn't seem to miss all that. He's a great husband, don't get me wrong, he is very sweet and I know he loves me, I just hate how busy life is. :( I don't know how to handle it all.

Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 25, 2017 at 12:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 25, 2017 at 12:37 AM
Hugs just keep moving forward
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 25, 2017 at 12:43 AM

I can't tell for sure but I think part of it is my medication for my nerve pain, gabapentin. Apparently it can cause suicidal thoughts, I'm not suicidal by any means, but I have been feeling a lot more depressed lately. I'd say I've been on it almost a month now and I swear I actually felt happier on it in the beginning but maybe that is because it helped some of my back pain, but lately I have been feeling weepy, depressed and like I can cry a lot easier. Like if my tubes weren't tied and I didn't have my period recently, that I'd worry I was pregnant because I just want to cry all the time lately. But again, I am not used to seeing my husband this little. Granted before my kids and I moved in with him I was lucky to see him more than once a week, but you know, you get used to things being one way and its hard when it changes.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Hugs just keep moving forward


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Sep. 25, 2017 at 12:57 AM
1 mom liked this
Shower sex.
littlesippycup
by Baby T-rex Arms on Sep. 25, 2017 at 1:03 AM
With a giant vibrating dildo suctioned to the shower wall. Right in front of him. No shame.

Quoting Anonymous 3: Shower sex.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Sep. 25, 2017 at 1:06 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm so sorry. That sounds rough! I understand what it's like to have a Dh that has a low sex drive. I've dealt with that along with the busy schedule. Both of those things really do get sad and upsetting, especially when there are no good solutions to the problem. I just thought I'd let you know that you are not alone. Hugs!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 25, 2017 at 1:15 AM

There's really not room in our shower...

Quoting Anonymous 3: Shower sex.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 25, 2017 at 1:16 AM

I could use a toy but honestly, like I said, its not about getting off. I want sex with him.

Quoting littlesippycup: With a giant vibrating dildo suctioned to the shower wall. Right in front of him. No shame.
Quoting Anonymous 3: Shower sex.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 25, 2017 at 1:18 AM

Thank you. I'm just so sad anymore and I hate it. It may also be my medication, but I don't even want to go to work anymore even though I love what I do I have to push myself and actually recently got back into zebra finch breeding to boost my spirits. Converted a room at my business just for it.

Quoting Anonymous 4: I'm so sorry. That sounds rough! I understand what it's like to have a Dh that has a low sex drive. I've dealt with that along with the busy schedule. Both of those things really do get sad and upsetting, especially when there are no good solutions to the problem. I just thought I'd let you know that you are not alone. Hugs!


Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Sep. 25, 2017 at 1:28 AM
I hope you feel better soon! That's a good idea to try to boost your spirits. Hobbies do help.

Maybe your Dh will work for a different company with different hours at some point. Leaving your job unfortunately may not free up as much time as you would hope, since your Dh is so tired even when you are home. Then you wouldn't have your work to put your mind on when he isn't being attentive. You know what I mean? Sometimes it's nice to have other things to focus on when you've got a spouse that doesn't focus on romance.

By the way my Dh has also mowed the yard instead or washed the car. Grr. Like your Dh, mine is great in every other way, though. It is just so discouraging sometimes to deal with the lack of intimacy!

Quoting Anonymous 1:

Thank you. I'm just so sad anymore and I hate it. It may also be my medication, but I don't even want to go to work anymore even though I love what I do I have to push myself and actually recently got back into zebra finch breeding to boost my spirits. Converted a room at my business just for it.

Quoting Anonymous 4: I'm so sorry. That sounds rough! I understand what it's like to have a Dh that has a low sex drive. I've dealt with that along with the busy schedule. Both of those things really do get sad and upsetting, especially when there are no good solutions to the problem. I just thought I'd let you know that you are not alone. Hugs!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 25, 2017 at 1:39 AM

Thanks. I think my DH is wondering why I'm doing a lot any more. I have not only bought my birds to breed, but I'm really getting in to my photography and back in to my art. Bought a new camera for my photography too. I just tell him it makes me happy. I do wish I could do my hobbies as something to make money from. I can't leave my job anyway, since its my own business and I currently pay most of the bills. I think its a mixture of things that are upsetting me now. I just wish I also had saturdays off with him, but I really need to work saturdays. I take sundays and mondays off. mondays because my kids don't have school mondays which means they don't have to come to work with me and I can use the day for errands and appointments if need be (soon here for physcial therapy *sigh*). The crazy thing is, not very long ago he seemed more in to making a point of being more physical and intimate, but then it kind of stopped, maybe its because of the schooling he has to do too. He will be staying with the same company but they send them to different job sites where the hours changed, but he will probably be at this one awhile. I'm sure it will get better again. Sometimes things just suck.

Quoting Anonymous 4: I hope you feel better soon! That's a good idea to try to boost your spirits. Hobbies do help. Maybe your Dh will work for a different company with different hours at some point. Leaving your job unfortunately may not free up as much time as you would hope, since your Dh is so tired even when you are home. Then you wouldn't have your work to put your mind on when he isn't being attentive. You know what I mean? Sometimes it's nice to have other things to focus on when you've got a spouse that doesn't focus on romance. By the way my Dh has also mowed the yard instead or washed the car. Grr. Like your Dh, mine is great in every other way, though. It is just so discouraging sometimes to deal with the lack of intimacy!
Quoting Anonymous 1:

Thank you. I'm just so sad anymore and I hate it. It may also be my medication, but I don't even want to go to work anymore even though I love what I do I have to push myself and actually recently got back into zebra finch breeding to boost my spirits. Converted a room at my business just for it.

Quoting Anonymous 4: I'm so sorry. That sounds rough! I understand what it's like to have a Dh that has a low sex drive. I've dealt with that along with the busy schedule. Both of those things really do get sad and upsetting, especially when there are no good solutions to the problem. I just thought I'd let you know that you are not alone. Hugs!



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