Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My dh is abusive.... ETA

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 63 Replies
But he honest to God doesn't realize what he does is abuse. He is a absolutely amazing man. His dad was a horrible person. He taught dh to act the way he does and until this past weekend dh never realized how wrong it is. Friday I told him that we HAD to spilt. That is when out clicked for him. We talked. For the 1st time in a long time we actually talked without yelling or fighting. I explained to him how the things he did were abusive. He cried. He's NEVER cried like that. He said he never thought of it like that. He apologized over and over again. I stood my ground about leaving. We were going to get thru the weekend with SD and pretend that everything was normal and I would leave after we took her home. Well, something happened after he went to sleep Friday night that changed my mind. He cried, in his sleep. Every time that I moved he would get frantic and reach out for me. That made me realize he really DOES love me. So we talked more on Saturday. He asked to go to counseling. I think we can make this work. As long as he continues to make an effort and is willing to change things. I'm very glad he came to the realization that I'm serious about this and if having a life with me is truly what he wants then he has things he needs to work on. I'm not saying I'm perfect in any way. But I've recently started working on myself and it's time he does the same.

No point in this post tbh. I just needed to get it off my chest.

ETA I just want to clarify, dh is NOT physically or sexually abusive. It's more verbally. But like I said he didn't realize it. He would get mad and either talk shit about me not working. I.e he wanted to take SD to do something he's never been able to do with her even though she's grounded. We were arguing about it, and I told him that I had never taken my ds to do that either so we could take both or none. He got mad and said "I have money to take her to do stuff, you can't even work so you have no money". Or if we fight about bills or money bc he is spending it on b.s. he will take my debit card to the joint account or any cash that I have. That was something he thought was normal bc his dad did it to his mom and subsequently his SM. I have faith that he will change but he does know that if things stay the same with no change on his part, I'm out. I still have my stuff packed. Idc if you women here think I'm a idiot for staying. However, he deserves a chance to try. Everyone does imo to a certain extent. Now if he were to physically or sexually abuse me I'd be out the door that minute. But that's not the case.
Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 25, 2017 at 3:29 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
owl0210
by Sapphire Member on Sep. 25, 2017 at 3:30 PM
2 moms liked this
Abusers don't change. Those tears? They're crocodile tears.
nmkj
by Emerald Member on Sep. 25, 2017 at 3:30 PM
1 mom liked this
Idiot. He's just going to keep abusing you. Abusers don't change.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 25, 2017 at 3:32 PM

He will never change. Been there, done that. They only "change" when you have one foot out the door. I know because I've been there, done that. 

Mom2Boys9501
by Platinum Member on Sep. 25, 2017 at 3:33 PM
What does he do that is abusive?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Sep. 25, 2017 at 3:34 PM
2 moms liked this

abusive and amazing do NOT belong in the SAME sentence together -- EVER!!!!!!

Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Sep. 25, 2017 at 3:34 PM

You just got played......

He may go to counseling BUT he will go back to his abusive ways again

cheekacheeka
by Emerald Member on Sep. 25, 2017 at 3:34 PM
1 mom liked this

Not only is he abusive but it seems he's a manipulator as well. Good for you! You found an amazing man!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Sep. 25, 2017 at 3:37 PM
Don't listen to these women. My dh hit me once and never again after we wrong to counseling and such. He USE to be verbally abusive but he stopped after counseling. GOOD LUCK!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 25, 2017 at 3:43 PM
I just edited to clarify. He does NOT hit me. It's more of a financial and verbal abuse. But honest to God he thought the things he did/said were normal bc that's what he saw growing up. Idc what they say. I honestly just posted to get it off my chest.

Quoting Anonymous 4: Don't listen to these women. My dh hit me once and never again after we wrong to counseling and such. He USE to be verbally abusive but he stopped after counseling. GOOD LUCK!
Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Sep. 25, 2017 at 3:46 PM

So the Abusive ASSHOLE is verbally, emotionally and financially abusive.......that's so much better than being physically abusive

Quoting Anonymous 1: But he honest to God doesn't realize what he does is abuse. He is a absolutely amazing man. His dad was a horrible person. He taught dh to act the way he does and until this past weekend dh never realized how wrong it is. Friday I told him that we HAD to spilt. That is when out clicked for him. We talked. For the 1st time in a long time we actually talked without yelling or fighting. I explained to him how the things he did were abusive. He cried. He's NEVER cried like that. He said he never thought of it like that. He apologized over and over again. I stood my ground about leaving. We were going to get thru the weekend with SD and pretend that everything was normal and I would leave after we took her home. Well, something happened after he went to sleep Friday night that changed my mind. He cried, in his sleep. Every time that I moved he would get frantic and reach out for me. That made me realize he really DOES love me. So we talked more on Saturday. He asked to go to counseling. I think we can make this work. As long as he continues to make an effort and is willing to change things. I'm very glad he came to the realization that I'm serious about this and if having a life with me is truly what he wants then he has things he needs to work on. I'm not saying I'm perfect in any way. But I've recently started working on myself and it's time he does the same. No point in this post tbh. I just needed to get it off my chest. ETA I just want to clarify, dh is NOT physically or sexually abusive. It's more verbally. But like I said he didn't realize it. He would get mad and either talk shit about me not working. I.e he wanted to take SD to do something he's never been able to do with her even though she's grounded. We were arguing about it, and I told him that I had never taken my ds to do that either so we could take both or none. He got mad and said "I have money to take her to do stuff, you can't even work so you have no money". Or if we fight about bills or money bc he is spending it on b.s. he will take my debit card to the joint account or any cash that I have. That was something he thought was normal bc his dad did it to his mom and subsequently his SM. I have faith that he will change but he does know that if things stay the same with no change on his part, I'm out. I still have my stuff packed. Idc if you women here think I'm a idiot for staying. However, he deserves a chance to try. Everyone does imo to a certain extent. Now if he were to physically or sexually abuse me I'd be out the door that minute. But that's not the case.

Thats NOT the case...........YET ^^^^^^^^^

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)