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Could you forgive this?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 49 Replies
1 mom liked this
And what would need to be done for that to happen?
Ok the story is long but I'll try to give key points and shorten it.
We owned a our home but our neighbor made my life hell and Dh and I fought about it bc he would say just ignore her. I wanted him to help me figure out what to do. She would yell at me when outside, call the cops on my dogs inside our fenced yard.
So dh's brother had a house he was going to sell that I love so I suggested to Dh to ask his brother to let us move in and pay rent after we sell our house. Then we buy the brothers house once we make enough payments to bring the price into our price range. About 2 years.
Dh said ok. Next thing I know Dh says ok it's a go, I told him we can't afford two house payments but we're moving then putting our house on the market. Brother has no loan on the house so until we sell we will live there and pay insurance and taxes. Ok. I tried talking to his brother about everything bc I needed to know what the rent will be since I handled the financial stuff. He wouldn't talk to me. Dh said it will be around what you want to pay. I said no more than $1600 so we could pay off our car and save up for a good down payment and do any repairs bc brother said he wouldn't do any repairs.
Fast forward to us finally selling our home. We walk away with $40,000. Great right. That's what I thought.
A month after we sell I ask Dh what's rent so I can budget aNd send him checks. Dh says I'll talk to him give me the checkbook so I can pay this month.
He comes home from work( they work together) brother demands $12,000 back rent( took 6 months to sell) and $2000 a month. It caused us a huge fight bc Dh just wrote the check. I asked him over and over how I was going to come up with the extra Money? He always said I make enough figure it out.
Fast forward a year. I paid off our car, did repairs on my SUV,Dh bought and Atv he needed(he says) that blew up a month after we bought it. Our dog got hurt then our other dog got cancer. We had to fix the A/c, water heater, garage door, pump the septic system.
I tried telling Dh we're spending too much, we're bleeding money! He ignored me. Our electric went from $200 to $450 a month! I was shocked!
Well the $40,000 is gone after everything. He finally logged into the bank account and saw this. He flipped out said he wants a divorce. I spent all his money and he hates me he'll never forgive me.
It's been a couple weeks now. He said he'd try to move forward if I gave him all my receipts from now on and told him every penny I spend.
He's still very angry with me, won't say I love you, barely talks to me, yells that I ruined his life, that I'm lazy and all I do is spend money while I should be at home cleaning. He says he wants to drive off a cliff bc of me.
I don't know if I should stay give him time and continue to be nice and not fight with him or just start planning my life without him.
Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 26, 2017 at 12:50 PM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 26, 2017 at 12:56 PM
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This is why attorneys and contracts are vital when it comes to real estate. I would have passed on BIL's house at that point and just got a cheap apartment while saving for a house. I'd also take charge of the finances in your case. DH did not need to buy that ATV. I would have forbid it to be honest. I don't care if it's controlling. No one is going to throw me into financial ruin! I'd be done with him most likely. Tell him to go ahead and drive off the cliff. Make sure his life ins. policy is up to date. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 26, 2017 at 1:00 PM
I already control finances. He keeps saying I make enough, but in reality yes he does but not enough to have a hide savings or just make huge purchases, they need to be planned out.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

This is why attorneys and contracts are vital when it comes to real estate. I would have passed on BIL's house at that point and just got a cheap apartment while saving for a house. I'd also take charge of the finances in your case. DH did not need to buy that ATV. I would have forbid it to be honest. I don't care if it's controlling. No one is going to throw me into financial ruin! I'd be done with him most likely. Tell him to go ahead and drive off the cliff. Make sure his life ins. policy is up to date. 

ilovemykids323
by Emerald Member on Sep. 26, 2017 at 1:05 PM

well i mean you are hte reason you moved out of your house and did this thing at BIL's so i'm sure that's why he feels that way. although he should have listened to you when you tried talking to him about all of the stuff. i'd leave him and cut my loses. i'm not going to be turning over receipts and crap when he wouldn't listen to me to begin with.


eta: yes he spent/bought things he shouldn't have. 

hotspice58
by Platinum Member on Sep. 26, 2017 at 1:08 PM

time to leave him. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Sep. 26, 2017 at 1:15 PM
Did You not read the same thing I Did? Her dh was the one making all the decisions, spending the money, then freaking out on OP.

OP, time to go!

Quoting ilovemykids323:

well i mean you are hte reason you moved out of your house and did this thing at BIL's so i'm sure that's why he feels that way. although he should have listened to you when you tried talking to him about all of the stuff. i'd leave him and cut my loses. i'm not going to be turning over receipts and crap when he wouldn't listen to me to begin with.

ilovemykids323
by Emerald Member on Sep. 26, 2017 at 1:17 PM

she is the one that didn't want to live in there house so they moved into BIL house (one above what they could afford). that was what my comment was on, the house. The one stuff yes that is most definatly on him. And i'd still refuse to hand over receipts when he wouldn't listen to me about the money issue to begin with.

Quoting Anonymous 3: Did You not read the same thing I Did? Her dh was the one making all the decisions, spending the money, then freaking out on OP. OP, time to go!
Quoting ilovemykids323:

well i mean you are hte reason you moved out of your house and did this thing at BIL's so i'm sure that's why he feels that way. although he should have listened to you when you tried talking to him about all of the stuff. i'd leave him and cut my loses. i'm not going to be turning over receipts and crap when he wouldn't listen to me to begin with.


mama_danetta
by She's so heavy on Sep. 26, 2017 at 1:18 PM
2 moms liked this
You should tell him to go right ahead and drive off that cliff if he really wants to. You'll likely be better off.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 26, 2017 at 1:22 PM
Trust me I feel awful. If I would have tried harder. But he says how dare I ask him to make more or maybe look for a different job when all along I was spending all our money. Bc I did bring up looking for a different job mainly bc he's been there 15 years. No raise in 5 years and he was told he would be taking over soon that was 6 years ago.

Quoting ilovemykids323:

she is the one that didn't want to live in there house so they moved into BIL house (one above what they could afford). that was what my comment was on, the house. The one stuff yes that is most definatly on him. And i'd still refuse to hand over receipts when he wouldn't listen to me about the money issue to begin with.

Quoting Anonymous 3: Did You not read the same thing I Did? Her dh was the one making all the decisions, spending the money, then freaking out on OP.

OP, time to go!

Quoting ilovemykids323:

well i mean you are hte reason you moved out of your house and did this thing at BIL's so i'm sure that's why he feels that way. although he should have listened to you when you tried talking to him about all of the stuff. i'd leave him and cut my loses. i'm not going to be turning over receipts and crap when he wouldn't listen to me to begin with.

ilovemykids323
by Emerald Member on Sep. 26, 2017 at 1:25 PM

ooo i'm mostly on your side here... I dont think this is mostly your fault. i think he was spending like crazy and just thinking the money was endless until it wasn't. i think he's taking it out on you when he shouldn't. I wouldn't hand over receipts though, we could come to a united front or not. 

Quoting Anonymous 1: Trust me I feel awful. If I would have tried harder. But he says how dare I ask him to make more or maybe look for a different job when all along I was spending all our money. Bc I did bring up looking for a different job mainly bc he's been there 15 years. No raise in 5 years and he was told he would be taking over soon that was 6 years ago.
Quoting ilovemykids323:

she is the one that didn't want to live in there house so they moved into BIL house (one above what they could afford). that was what my comment was on, the house. The one stuff yes that is most definatly on him. And i'd still refuse to hand over receipts when he wouldn't listen to me about the money issue to begin with.

Quoting Anonymous 3: Did You not read the same thing I Did? Her dh was the one making all the decisions, spending the money, then freaking out on OP. OP, time to go!
Quoting ilovemykids323:

well i mean you are hte reason you moved out of your house and did this thing at BIL's so i'm sure that's why he feels that way. although he should have listened to you when you tried talking to him about all of the stuff. i'd leave him and cut my loses. i'm not going to be turning over receipts and crap when he wouldn't listen to me to begin with.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Sep. 26, 2017 at 1:27 PM

Start planning your life without him and the kids.

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