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Is it unrealistic

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 76 Replies
To want romance? I've been with my bf for 4 years. We live together. We are raising our kids together. We both work quite a bit - I work 5 days a week 7-3:30 and go to school Monday and and Weds 6-10. I am usually off work Tues and Sun. He works 5 days a week 6:30-3, plus he teaches a class 6-10 Mon and Thurs. He works Mon-Fri.

When we do get time together we are either hanging out with the whole family playing games like we did tonight (I worked this whole weekend so I didn't have today off like I normally do) or just vegging on the couch watching TV. Occasionally we meet up with friends but not often these days. Some days we hardly say a word to each other.

I miss romance. I miss sex. We have sex maybe once every two weeks lately if we are lucky. We still get along really good. We enjoy talking and we are constantly texting when we are apart. But there is no real romance any more and I miss it so much. We probably kiss (like a peck) twice a day - hello and good bye. We don't cuddle unless we are falling asleep. We say I love you all the time but the real ROMANCE? It's been a long time. I miss the sweet things he used to say, holding hands and cuddling, making love, the romantic texts he used to send me from work, REAL date nights where I got dressed up and he looked at me like I was the sexiest thing he'd ever seen...ugh. I miss all of it.
Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 15, 2017 at 10:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lovinmyfam16
by Silver Member on Oct. 15, 2017 at 10:06 PM
Maybe you should talk to him about it and tell him exactly what you wrote on here. Maybe he feels the same way ?
lancet98
by Ruby Member on Oct. 15, 2017 at 10:06 PM

Find someone else.  You can't change him.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 15, 2017 at 10:06 PM
So tell him that, and start being romantic towards him as well.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 15, 2017 at 10:07 PM
He's comfortable with the whole thing I think. It's safe and comfy and he knows I'm not going anywhere.

Quoting lovinmyfam16: Maybe you should talk to him about it and tell him exactly what you wrote on here. Maybe he feels the same way ?
Littlebunnyfufu
by Platinum Member on Oct. 15, 2017 at 10:07 PM
First, romance and the little signs of affection should go both ways. Are you initiating any?

Second, you say you love to talk, so do that. Tell him you miss REAL date nights and want more affection. Then tell him you plan to be a part of it by putting in effort on your end.

I’ll bet if you BOTH try you get what you’re looking for.
lovinmyfam16
by Silver Member on Oct. 15, 2017 at 10:09 PM
1 mom liked this
Obviously they have had romance in the past or she wouldn’t be missing it. It’s not about changing him, it is about getting back what they have lost.

Quoting lancet98:

Find someone else.  You can't change him.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 15, 2017 at 10:09 PM
There is such a throw away mentality with relationships these days.

Quoting lancet98:

Find someone else.  You can't change him.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 15, 2017 at 10:11 PM
I try all the time. It isn't that he doesn't reciprocate exactly. It's just...shirt lived. He will hug me back and hold me for a sec then go back to what he was doing.

Quoting Littlebunnyfufu: First, romance and the little signs of affection should go both ways. Are you initiating any?

Second, you say you love to talk, so do that. Tell him you miss REAL date nights and want more affection. Then tell him you plan to be a part of it by putting in effort on your end.

I’ll bet if you BOTH try you get what you’re looking for.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Oct. 15, 2017 at 10:11 PM
1 mom liked this
That's a normal progression of a long term relationship, especially when there are kids involved. Young kids, busy schedules, it's not the honeymoon phase anymore. That's life. You have to make it a priority. It takes effort. Sacrifices have to be made.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Oct. 15, 2017 at 10:12 PM
Sounds like life is hetic. You both sound busy! Its hard to make romance a priority. I think relationships with sustance ebb and flow. Maybe talk about missing him, feeling close. Maybe a date night? Weekend night away? I think you can try to work on quality time together.
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