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Jerk ex - WWYD?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 69 Replies

Divorced and I have a terribly acrimonious relationship with my ex (he has stated flat out that the new wife - a year post divorce - is going to be our son's mom and that he's not going to stop until I'm completely out of the picture).

I've always tried to put DS first - I've included ex (even invited his wife, but she has refused to come, ever, and I've never even met her) in his big day activities, one of which is his birthday parties. I've always thought it's not fair to DS that he goes to a conservative school with mostly two parent families and has to have mom OR dad attending something of his. 

Well, the past 3 years I've had DS on his birthday, so per the CO, I'm the one tasked with planning his birthday party. This year, dad does, so he's the one who gets to plan something. I pretty much assumed, the way he and the wife act, that I wouldn't be included, but birthday is this week and ex has said nothing about a party. I was talking to his best friend's mom (DS's) and she said she hasn't gotten any invitation for a birthday party, either. Ex has him ON his actual birthday, but not that weekend (this is my weekend coming up), so I'm not sure if he just excluded me or if he is just not bothering to throw him a party at all. 

If you, would you bother reaching out, knowing he will ile regardless (he's not going to tell me if he's planning a party - he is a compulsive liar about EVERYTHING, even the dumbest, most petty things), plan something with his best friend who apparently wasn't included, or try to put together a party at the last minute for the weekend?

To clarify again - there is no way that he will be honest, and if I would have emailed him about it earlier, my email would have been ignored. He has refused COs to go on Our Family Wizard, refused to respond to any email I've sent the past 2 years (even if it deals with something important, like trying to get a copy of a report card), and he has flat out told our son's therapist that he has no intention of co-parenting, that he's going to do what he wants and he and new wife will be making all the decisions moving forward.

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 16, 2017 at 6:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 16, 2017 at 6:38 PM
1 mom liked this
Why wouldn't each of you throw your own parties for him?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 16, 2017 at 6:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Plan something last minute for when you have your son again.  And leave your EX to his own devices.  If he does actually pull off a party for your DS, then bonus he will get 2 parties this year!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 16, 2017 at 6:42 PM

I didn't plan one before because it's in the court order that the parent who has him on his birthday is responsible for planning the party that year. His lawyer insisted on that clause. However, I suggested to him that, while I would be responsible for paying the past years, that it would be good for our son if he was there, and he has come (the first year the party was at my house and he was running around playing host as if it was still his while I cooked and cleaned after the kids - it's not like he has been made to feel awkward or excluded. 


Quoting Anonymous 2: Why wouldn't each of you throw your own parties for him?


PJMM
by Ruby Member on Oct. 16, 2017 at 6:42 PM
1 mom liked this
My ex and i always do our own thing. Sometimes we'll take ds out to dinner together but it's rare. It's more likely i do a party when it's convenient for me and ds. My ex takes him to dinner. Just plan your own thing with ds. Court order smurt order who cares? I never heard such a thing myself.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 16, 2017 at 6:45 PM

Believe me, I would MUCH rather go that route. 

Quoting PJMM: My ex and i always do our own thing. Sometimes we'll take ds out to dinner together but it's rare. It's more likely i do a party when it's convenient for me and ds. My ex takes him to dinner. Just plan your own thing with ds. Court order smurt order who cares? I never heard such a thing myself.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 16, 2017 at 6:46 PM
2 moms liked this
While that's all fine and dandy I would still plan a party for my kid, even if his dad planned one too, since he is the type to lie and exclude me.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

I didn't plan one before because it's in the court order that the parent who has him on his birthday is responsible for planning the party that year. His lawyer insisted on that clause. However, I suggested to him that, while I would be responsible for paying the past years, that it would be good for our son if he was there, and he has come (the first year the party was at my house and he was running around playing host as if it was still his while I cooked and cleaned after the kids - it's not like he has been made to feel awkward or excluded. 

Quoting Anonymous 2: Why wouldn't each of you throw your own parties for him?

PJMM
by Ruby Member on Oct. 16, 2017 at 6:49 PM
Does your ex even know his friends? Because chances are my ex doesn't know my sons. He doesn't live in town. He has met ds' gf and our other son's bff once. So i always do parties. He usually does something with ds when he sees him.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

Believe me, I would MUCH rather go that route. 

Quoting PJMM: My ex and i always do our own thing. Sometimes we'll take ds out to dinner together but it's rare. It's more likely i do a party when it's convenient for me and ds. My ex takes him to dinner. Just plan your own thing with ds. Court order smurt order who cares? I never heard such a thing myself.

ilovemykids323
by Emerald Member on Oct. 16, 2017 at 6:52 PM
1 mom liked this

i would wait it out and throw a party the weekend after if he doesnt. send out invites on monday. and i would save everything every last thing stating that he is trying to eliminate me and take them to court if need be.

WickedOpal
by Ruby Member on Oct. 16, 2017 at 6:55 PM

You should just do your own thing.  If he has no issue not following the CO on other, IMO bigger things, then this one little one is not going to get you thrown into jail.  Since your Ex is so acrimonious, you could say that he refused to follow the CO and you wanted to make certain that your DS had a party, because that is what is best for the child.  Judges really tend to not side with the asshole who puts his wants above his child's.

MrsDavidB25
by Stacey on Oct. 16, 2017 at 6:57 PM

I wouldn't even assume I would be at the party ex was having and him yours.  From now on just plan your own party for when you have ds.

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