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It's still not happening mil!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
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There is a 3 day 4 night woman's retreat our church has done for the past 2 years in late October or early November, so this will be year three. I have never gone. The first year I was working and wasn't going to take vacation for that and the second year I was heavily pregnant and didn't feel like going, not to mention travel was advised against and it was a 6 hour drive.
Anyways, my mil has gone every year and always comes back so excited and saying how much fun it was and telling me I just have to go. Well it's coming up again in a few weeks. The pastor said something about it yesterday but, truthfully, I didn't really listen very carefully since I knew I wouldn't be going. It's really just not the type of thing I'd enjoy even if I had no reason not to go but right now I have an 11 month old that I'm not willing to leave. I am still exclusively breast feeding plus I'm just not comfortable leaving him till he's closer to, or older than, two-ish. It's just how I am. My dh told mil when I was pregnant that we wouldn't be needing a babysitter for a few years because we wouldn't want to leave the baby. She kept telling him he'd change his mind once the baby was here. Well we haven't and she's gotten a little upset a few times that she's never babysat and has made a couple comments. Sorry mil, you were pre-warned, no need to get snippy.
Well today we went to mil's house just to visit. Everything was fine until she said she was so excited for the woman's retreat coming up. I said something like oh yea, that is coming up, how cool, you always have so much fun! Or whatever. She said yes, it's so great! I'm so excited you can go this year. I was like um, I'm not going. She goes oh, but you don't have a reason not to go this year so you'll get to go and it'll be so great. I told her that children aren't allowed on the trip so yes I do have a reason that I'm not going. She said no, that's why she's not going this year. So she can watch ds and I can go. That it's a win win for everyone because she'll get to babysit, ds will get grandma time, and I'll get to go on the retreat. I said, while I'm so thankful for your offer I don't feel comfortable leaving him yet so I won't be going. It was like I flicked a switch or something. She got so angry! She started saying how ungrateful I am, how she raised dh and she could watch her grandson for a few days and nights, how I need to go on this retreat because I need to learn how to be a good, godly wife and mother AND DIL since I obviously don't know how to do those things, and so many other things. I sat there stunned. I was not expecting that and had no response yet and I think dh was in the same boat. Before I could gather myself and speak she turned and launched on dh about him being the head of our household like God commands and how he needs to put his foot down and tell me I'm going and that ds will be staying with his grandma where he should have been able to stay since, pretty much, birth! How he needs to be more respectful to her and not let his wife keep her son and grandson from her. And other things.
I don't keep anyone from her. I'm the one who always reminds dh that we need to go over there and involve them more in our lives. That we need to make an effort to include his mom so she doesn't get jealous since I'm close to my own mom so my mom sees us pretty often. My mother hasn't babysat either, no one has, but we do spend a lot of time with her so I make sure to try to include mil and see her frequently too.
I just don't know where this came from. Maybe she's been letting it fester this whole time but this was not an ok way to express herself. Dh and I both told her she was wrong to do what she did, that I'm not going, and that she still isn't watching ds any time soon. Then we left. She's called dh but he hasn't answered yet. I'm afraid that she's going to start calling me soon.
Sorry mil but I'm not going to change the way I parent just because you think I should.
Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 17, 2017 at 1:27 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 17, 2017 at 1:34 AM
Bump
Phoenix_lament
by Fawkes on Oct. 17, 2017 at 1:34 AM
5 moms liked this
Yeah, I'd be telling DH I'd like him to put his foot down with HER.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 17, 2017 at 1:35 AM
1 mom liked this
Stand your ground. She needs to zip it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 17, 2017 at 1:36 AM
1 mom liked this
He pretty much did. I mean we haven't gotten nasty or anything yet because it hasn't been necessary but if she doesn't cool off and calm down we may have to take it further than just telling her she's wrong and it's not happening.

Quoting Phoenix_lament: Yeah, I'd be telling DH I'd like him to put his foot down with HER.
Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Oct. 17, 2017 at 1:38 AM
4 moms liked this
After that she would NEVER EVER watch my child
Phoenix_lament
by Fawkes on Oct. 17, 2017 at 1:39 AM
Oh I'd be the bitch to tell her that the only reason she saw us as much as she did is because I pushed for it, but I wouldn't be anymore.

Quoting Anonymous 1: He pretty much did. I mean we haven't gotten nasty or anything yet because it hasn't been necessary but if she doesn't cool off and calm down we may have to take it further than just telling her she's wrong and it's not happening.

Quoting Phoenix_lament: Yeah, I'd be telling DH I'd like him to put his foot down with HER.
Phoenix_lament
by Fawkes on Oct. 17, 2017 at 1:41 AM
1 mom liked this
And this. My DH's mom always asks about babysitting. Little does she know, every time she asks it makes us more resolved not to. We don't trust her anyway, but the pushiness makes it worse.

Quoting Sassy762: After that she would NEVER EVER watch my child
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 17, 2017 at 1:43 AM
1 mom liked this
I thought we've always had a pretty decent relationship and I've never really had a reason to worry before so I never had a reason to not want her to at all. I don't want to let one incident change everything but if she doesn't cool off and stop it then it may very well come to that.

Quoting Sassy762: After that she would NEVER EVER watch my child
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 17, 2017 at 1:43 AM
My head hurts from reading that.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 17, 2017 at 1:44 AM
I just might if she keeps it up!
I seriously was so shocked I had zero comebacks in the moment.

Quoting Phoenix_lament: Oh I'd be the bitch to tell her that the only reason she saw us as much as she did is because I pushed for it, but I wouldn't be anymore.

Quoting Anonymous 1: He pretty much did. I mean we haven't gotten nasty or anything yet because it hasn't been necessary but if she doesn't cool off and calm down we may have to take it further than just telling her she's wrong and it's not happening.

Quoting Phoenix_lament: Yeah, I'd be telling DH I'd like him to put his foot down with HER.
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