Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Sorry BM but you do NOT get a say in who lives in my house...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 104 Replies

SDs boyfriend is moving in with us. She is 18 and he is 19. They are in their first year of college. Originally they were both going to live in the dorms but SD decided not to waste the money and her boyfriend moved in with a friend also. Well the friend took his rent money and instead of paying the rent he bought drugs and alcohol. He ended up getting evicted. 

He tried to move into the dorms but they are no open rooms. Also no one in the area will rent to him with a recent eviction. 

His plan was to buy a tent and winter gear and live out of it until next semester (when he can move into the dorms) 

Well I just couldnt live with myself if I didnt offer to let him move in. He is a good guy and this winter is going to be rough (it has already snowed a couple times and it isnt even halfway through october)

I brought it up to DH and he was fine with it. We set up some ground rules with both him and SD. They are going to share a room which is fine by us. She is on birth control and they have vacationed together before so it is no big deal. 

We made it clear to both of them that IF something happens between them they will have to figure out how to still live under the same roof (although he would get his own room of course) and that he will not be made to leave. That we were extending the offer not just because he is her boyfriend and even if that status changes he is still welcome. If SD moved out he would still be welcome. 

Well BM knows now and she is pissed off. She said we should have discussed it with her. She actually came up to me at my work to talk to me about it. I told her there was 0 reason to discuss what goes on in my house with her and she had nothing to do with it. She said that we should be coparenting with her not making these decisions without her. I todl her that coparenting ended when all her kids became adults and decided not to live with her anymore. I told her not to bother me at work again or I would have her removed and she stormed off. 

I understand she might not like it but the decision isnt up to her at all. 

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 18, 2017 at 4:27 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
owl0210
by Sapphire Member on Oct. 18, 2017 at 4:30 PM
3 moms liked this
Where are the boyfriends parents?
lukesmom2002
by Ruby Member on Oct. 18, 2017 at 4:31 PM
1 mom liked this
yawn
corticosteroid
by Sapphire Member on Oct. 18, 2017 at 4:31 PM

This story is a tad too convenient to be true.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 18, 2017 at 4:31 PM

They took off when he turned 18 (start of his senior year). He was living with other family but they moved away over the summer. 

Quoting owl0210: Where are the boyfriends parents?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 18, 2017 at 4:32 PM
3 moms liked this

While the legal back and forth may have ended at 18 - there should STILL be coparenting - because it benefits the entire family. Maybe the kids decided at 18 not to live with mom anymore because she has rules (that will benefit SD, it sounds like - bc birth control does not mean zero risk of pregnancy and if something happens could just as easily be a second line on a pee stick). And then what? Are you ready to grandparent/parent yourself? 

Do you realize that having a child at 18 will impact the rest of your SD's life? THAT is a decision both parents should have been included in. Because god knows if someone posted "She's letting the BF move in and dad got no say and he's worried about her future" - you'd have jumped all over it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 18, 2017 at 4:32 PM
3 moms liked this

Isn't that funny that this post was posted after there was that post asking about letting teenagers have sex in the parents house?


1/10


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 18, 2017 at 4:32 PM
1 mom liked this

Adding an extra 19 year old into the mixture is far from convenient but we will make it work 

Quoting corticosteroid:

This story is a tad too convenient to be true.


Mrs.ChuckBass
by Platinum Member on Oct. 18, 2017 at 4:33 PM
1 mom liked this

so if they break up, you would force her to continue living under the same roof?

thats a little odd

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Oct. 18, 2017 at 4:35 PM
Uh huh
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 18, 2017 at 4:35 PM
1 mom liked this

Co parenting with her would benefit no one. 

They didnt live with her because of her overly strict rules (10 pm curfew, having to ask before going out, she wouldnt even let SD go on her senior trip if it was up to her) and becasue she lives in the middle of no where which makes it an hour plus drive 

SD knows the risks of pregnancy. I am sure they are already actively having sex. THey would be if they were living with us or not. She used to spend weekends at his apartment also. She doesnt want kids right now so I doubt us becoming grandparents is even an option atm. 

Quoting Anonymous 2:

While the legal back and forth may have ended at 18 - there should STILL be coparenting - because it benefits the entire family. Maybe the kids decided at 18 not to live with mom anymore because she has rules (that will benefit SD, it sounds like - bc birth control does not mean zero risk of pregnancy and if something happens could just as easily be a second line on a pee stick). And then what? Are you ready to grandparent/parent yourself? 

Do you realize that having a child at 18 will impact the rest of your SD's life? THAT is a decision both parents should have been included in. Because god knows if someone posted "She's letting the BF move in and dad got no say and he's worried about her future" - you'd have jumped all over it.


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)