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Mil won't accept that she needs to live in a nursing home

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 107 Replies
Fil died 8 weeks ago. Just a few months before he died my mother-in-law was diagnosed with dementia. It's in its early stages and she could have days where she is completely lucid. But the problem is she can't be left alone because there's obviously no way to know when her dementia spells are going to come on. We have tried having her live with us but it isn't working out. What the deal was she's never allowed to be left alone because again who knows when her spells will come on. But she fights me every time I've got to go somewhere and she needs to come. And when she isn't in her right mind she can get very aggressive screaming and cussing throwing things and that's not an environment that I want to raise my children in. There is no one else who is willing to take her.

Dh has power of attorney on her. Here's decided that the best course of action is to sell the home that her and my father-in-law had and put her in a nursing home. We have found one that between her social security my father-in-law's pension and of course her Medicare, the payments will be manageable and after her house is sold, dh can make the payments monthly out of the account which the proceeds from the house will go in.

We tried talking to her about it. There are two nursing homes that will suit and we want her to go look at them and choose. But she refuses. She won't even talk about it. When she is Lucid she says we're being selfish and we should let her stay at our house. We try to explain and that when she's not Lucid she is very difficult and even sometimes dangerous. She doesn't care. She doesn't care that our three year old is afraid of her now, she doesn't care that there are times it feels like the entire household is revolving around her. She wants what she wants and she is not giving a thought to anyone else. She is also suggested staying in her own with round-the-clock care. But she can't afford that. Her social security and about half of my father-in-law's pension would pay the bills in the house but there's not enough left to cover round-the-clock care. Insurance doesn't cover much of it. I think it would be something like $120 a day out of pocket for around-the-clock care. She doesn't have that money and we're not paying that kind of money. Based on her savings she would blow through every penny she has in less than 6 months

I just don't know what to do. I'm almost thinking that we should just wait until she's not with it and put her in the car and take her to the nursing home. I know that sounds mean but I'm just not sure what else to do. I suppose we are just going to have to pick which nursing home she goes into. I like one better than the other because it's closer so I'm thinking about making an appointment with someone there who might be able to give us some advice
Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 20, 2017 at 10:42 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 20, 2017 at 10:42 AM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 20, 2017 at 10:46 AM
1 mom liked this
My grandpa is like that. He's a nightmare to be around. I would put her in a nursing home and be done with it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 20, 2017 at 10:47 AM
Well we are going to have to. There's just no choice. I just wish there was a way to get her to understand. When she is lucid she's usually pretty reasonable but not about this

Quoting Anonymous 2: My grandpa is like that. He's a nightmare to be around. I would put her in a nursing home and be done with it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 20, 2017 at 10:47 AM
It's $10 an hour here for around the clock care.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 20, 2017 at 10:48 AM
I think that's about what it is here. The insurance company will pay for some of it but we're still looking at quite a bit per day

Quoting Anonymous 2: It's $10 an hour here for around the clock care.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 20, 2017 at 10:49 AM
I am sorry. What a horrible situation for all of you.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 20, 2017 at 10:51 AM
1 mom liked this
It is. My father-in-law was committed to keeping her at home for the rest of her life. But with him gone it's just not possible. And I know it's a hard situation for her. She has lost her husband her home and now she has to go into a nursing home. But it's not easy for us either. My husband lost his father my kids lost their grandfather and I hate to say it but she's been an absolute nightmare

Quoting Anonymous 3: I am sorry. What a horrible situation for all of you.
TiffanyRose06
by Hufflepuff on Oct. 20, 2017 at 10:52 AM
1 mom liked this
If she doesn't want to pick, I'd pick for her. Even with round the clock care your kids would still see her at her worst wouldn't they?
bibdybobdyboob
by Gold Member on Oct. 20, 2017 at 10:52 AM
I am 48, and dread the thought of a nursing home some day. She also lost her husband 8 weeks ago. That is a lot of change, and not the good kind. I feel for all of you.


Quoting Anonymous 1: Well we are going to have to. There's just no choice. I just wish there was a way to get her to understand. When she is lucid she's usually pretty reasonable but not about this

Quoting Anonymous 2: My grandpa is like that. He's a nightmare to be around. I would put her in a nursing home and be done with it.
sha_lyn68
by Ruby Member on Oct. 20, 2017 at 10:52 AM
2 moms liked this
Is an assisted living facility with memory care an option?
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