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How would you handle this

Posted by on Oct. 23, 2017 at 6:53 PM
  • 25 Replies
My friend and I used the same home birth midwife to deliver our babies. We had actually met at a library play group then both stopped attending for different reasons. Then I contacted a midwife about having a home birth. She mentioned having a client she thought I would get along well with, I gave her permission to share my number with the client. Well that was last year now we get together often and our kids enjoy playing.

The problem is my friend delivered November last year I delivered June this year. In December right before discharging my friend from care the midwife introduced a new service she was offering. My friend didn't get to experience any of the new services offered. After I had my baby I was part of the clientele that experienced the new services offered.

My friend has very hard feelings about it. She suffered extreme PPD and PPA. She would have really benefited from the services. I had the services and even with a history of having PPD/ppa I'm 4.5 months post partum and feel great! I was at my friends today and I was talking about a sisterhood circle the midwife invited me to be a part of. The friend almost broke down crying because she doesn't understand why she was treated differently than I have been treated. I mean I gave birth I had no complications and my midwife is still so active in my life I'm not even paying her anymore. She even encapsulated my placenta for free which she typically charges $300 for.

I have become friends with the midwife and will occasionally do her favors like picking her son up from school he attends a private prep school I work at so it's no trouble. Her 16 year old daughter babysat my kids once. She also takes me out to dinner.

I really don't want my friend having hard feelings and she's a much more outgoing person than I am so I doubt it's a personality thing. Is there a polite way to bring it up to the midwife that my friend feels the way she does.

The midwife also gave me a substantial discount on my prenatal and birth expenses and I did several favors for her while pregnant to offset the difference. My friend paid more plus her insurance covered part of it.

I just don't want it to be awkward for me to talk about stuff I do with the midwife because my friend always gets upset. Also the midwife completely missed my friends labor and birth and the friends husband ended up catching the baby unassisted but got to my birth and I had an amazing home birth.
by on Oct. 23, 2017 at 6:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
K3412
by Ruby Member on Oct. 23, 2017 at 6:57 PM
1 mom liked this
I would just stop talking about anything related to the midwife or birth with your friend. There's really no reason to.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Oct. 23, 2017 at 6:57 PM
I would stay out of it and tell the friend less of what goes on between you and the midwife.
Mammacra
by Ruby Member on Oct. 23, 2017 at 6:58 PM
She asks or sees it on FB

Quoting K3412: I would just stop talking about anything related to the midwife or birth with your friend. There's really no reason to.
Mammacra
by Ruby Member on Oct. 23, 2017 at 6:59 PM
She sees it on social media if she asks I'm not going to lie

Quoting Anonymous 1: I would stay out of it and tell the friend less of what goes on between you and the midwife.
cali_gurl
by Ruby Member on Oct. 23, 2017 at 7:00 PM

I would stop talking about the midwife with your friend. Unless she brings it up.

K3412
by Ruby Member on Oct. 23, 2017 at 7:00 PM
I would minimize it then in person, downplay it. You can also hide it from her on Facebook very easily if you want. But if you don't want to do that, then I would back off on the friendship.

Quoting Mammacra: She asks or sees it on FB

Quoting K3412: I would just stop talking about anything related to the midwife or birth with your friend. There's really no reason to.
Mammacra
by Ruby Member on Oct. 23, 2017 at 7:00 PM
She brings it up cuz the midwife puts everything on FB

Quoting cali_gurl:

I would stop talking about the midwife with your friend. Unless she brings it up.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 23, 2017 at 7:01 PM

I personally don't feel the midwife has anything to do with this. It is her practice and she is fully entitled to grow the business any way she chooses. She also is entitled to grow her friendships any way she chooses. Your friend needs to be realistic and stop having this pity-party - it's getting her nowhere and dragging you both down. If she continues to wallow in her misery of feeling so left out, encourage her to seek out support from an outside group to make new attachments.

Mammacra
by Ruby Member on Oct. 23, 2017 at 7:01 PM
The midwife posts to FB I can't tell her who to share it with because they are friends

Quoting K3412: I would minimize it then in person, downplay it. You can also hide it from her on Facebook very easily if you want. But if you don't want to do that, then I would back off on the friendship.

Quoting Mammacra: She asks or sees it on FB

Quoting K3412: I would just stop talking about anything related to the midwife or birth with your friend. There's really no reason to.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 23, 2017 at 7:01 PM
Stop posting shit on Facebook and just tell your friend you aren't comfortable discussing the midwife with her because it makes her whine like a toddler.

Quoting Mammacra: She asks or sees it on FB

Quoting K3412: I would just stop talking about anything related to the midwife or birth with your friend. There's really no reason to.
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