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He found out the harsh truth years later.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 25 Replies

DH and BM divorced almost eight years ago, when SS was two. I met DH soon after his divorce, and we’ve now been married for five years. BM has been remarried for almost eight years, to the man she left DH for. Obviously, both she and DH have moved on with life and remarried. Over the years, they’ve found a way to co-parent.

Over the weekend, DH’s best friend was hanging out at our house. He was trying to find BIL on Facebook (BIL is constantly deleting or hiding his account). At some point, while trying a combination of names, DH’s friend uncovered an old Facebook account of BM’s.

The account was from the year that BM and DH divorced, and is a public account. In the year leading up to leaving DH, BM constantly posted about it on Facebook. She and DH bought a car together less than two months before she left (she ended up with the car, but DH ended up with the debt from the loan). On the facebook account she posted: “I love my new car! Soon it will be all mine.” She mentioned starting her job (which is where she met her husband) and alluded to “literally loving her coworkers  ;)” She even had a countdown until the day she was leaving DH, and posted things like “in two weeks I’m going to be single” and “moving out in three days.” The end of her account was a whole bunch of lies about DH like that her estranged husband was stalking her, had hacked her facebook, and threatened to kill her. She ended up posting that she was going to delete her facebook account, because DH was “after her.”

DH looked at the account with his friend, and is now really pissed off. He said that the divorce blindsided him. He came home from work one day to an empty house and a note that BM was engaged to her coworker. She took everything of material value and then tried to say that DH shouldn’t have custody of SS because DH didn’t have any child appropriate items (DH was awarded 50% custody from the get go). He said that he’d just taken a loan out on the car in his name because her credit was shot, and was stuck with the loan while she got the car. He said that he was hurt when the divorce happened, but now he’s pissed to know that BM had intentionally done everything behind his back. He’s also angry because a few of their mutual friends (who are currently friends with DH and not BM) actually commented on some of BM’s posts, but never told DH about the things that she was posting.

DH is really pissed off, and wants to confront BM about it. He does understand that this was YEARS ago, and he has moved on to a better life – but he feels that BM is a huge snake that he’ll never be able to trust (which we already felt that way, but this just cinches the belief). She’s been calling trying to set up Christmas plans, but DH is in a horrible mood and doesn’t want to deal with her.

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 21, 2017 at 1:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Lavender73
by Bronze Member on Nov. 21, 2017 at 1:17 AM
2 moms liked this
He needs to let it go, no good will come from confronting her.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 21, 2017 at 1:17 AM
That sucks, but going crazy on his ex is not going to solve anything. He could definitely mention that he saw her old posts and is very disappointed and disgusted that she played so dirty. He should screenshot everything so she can't delete and deny. He should approach her calmly, not angrily.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 21, 2017 at 1:18 AM
1 mom liked this

i would tell your dh to let it go because going off on her now will just light a new fire under her ass and she will start a bunch of unwanted drama. 

Peaceful.chaos
by Emerald Member on Nov. 21, 2017 at 1:20 AM
They still have a kid to parent, so I'd recommend not creating drama over it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 21, 2017 at 1:20 AM
1 mom liked this
Was she working before she started the job? It sounds like she made an exit plan before divorcing. Many women do that especially if they are financially or physically suppressed in their marriage. From her FB posts it sounds like she felt physically suppressed.

The car is been part of the property settlement. There are different ways to divide the value between the parties. Perhaps he got another car or property of equal value. Regardless, that was negotiable and if it wasn’t equitable then that’s on him and his attorney.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Nov. 21, 2017 at 1:24 AM
Wow, what a pistol. He needs to wait until he has calmed down before he approaches her with that.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Nov. 21, 2017 at 1:25 AM

He needs to let it go for the sake of his young child.  After this child is grown if he still wants to confront her, his child will not be torn apart in the custody  tug of war.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Nov. 21, 2017 at 1:26 AM
1 mom liked this

He needs to let it go. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Nov. 21, 2017 at 1:29 AM
1 mom liked this
If my dh was that pissed I’d LEAVE his ass. He got you. He would not have gotten you if she hadn’t left. He should be grateful. Not Mad.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 21, 2017 at 1:30 AM
No. She was 25, DH was 20. He worked three jobs so BM could stay home with SS. He was burnt out and ended up suffering from a work injury. Since he wasn't able to work, BM had to get a job.

She quit her job as soon as got married, and has on-again / off-again employment when needed. Her husband is 20+ years older than her, and BM used to tell DH that everything was his fault because he couldn't provide like her current husband could.

Quoting Anonymous 4: Was she working before she started the job? It sounds like she made an exit plan before divorcing. Many women do that especially if they are financially or physically suppressed in their marriage. From her FB posts it sounds like she felt physically suppressed.

The car is been part of the property settlement. There are different ways to divide the value between the parties. Perhaps he got another car or property of equal value. Regardless, that was negotiable and if it wasn’t equitable then that’s on him and his attorney.
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