Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Do you want your mistakes held against you for the rest of your life?

Posted by on Nov. 21, 2017 at 11:42 AM
  • 68 Replies
1 mom liked this

This is sort of a spin off of a recent conversation, but I'm going to take it a step further.  The recent conversation was about not ever welcoming your Dad's wife in your home because she was your Dad's mistress while he was still married to your mom.

Obviously the dad and his mistress made a huge mistake and it caused a lot of pain and anguish for the rest of the family.  I get that that is not something easy for everyone else in the family to forgive and move on from.  But how long should they suffer for that mistake?  5 years?  10 years?  20 years?  Life?

I know I've made some really stupid mistakes over my lifetime.  Some that I have regretted for a long time afterwards.  But something that I did 15 years ago doesn't define who I am today.  And just because I did it then doesn't mean that I am ever going to do it again.  I would really hope that people wouldn't hold my mistakes against me for the rest of my life.  Therefore, I refuse to do the same to others around me.

Another example, a guy does something stupid when he is 19, like sellling drugs and getting caught.  He serves his prison time, he learns his lesson, he has good behavior all through his prison time and uses it wisely to learn a trade.  He has every intention to do things right when he gets out.  But just because he has that felony on his record, a good 85% or more of employers won't even consider him.  They'll just toss his application out without looking at it further.  Doesn't matter that he did his time.  Doesn't matter that he's done better since then.  They will hold that one mistake against him for the rest of his life.

Is that how we are supposed to be as a society?  Make one mistake and we'll hold it against you for the rest of your life?  What ever happened to forgiveness and acceptance?

by on Nov. 21, 2017 at 11:42 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Nov. 21, 2017 at 11:44 AM
I agree with you. I lived a really wild life when I was young. I made a Lot of mistakes and bad choices. Those mistakes and choices don't define who I am today.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 21, 2017 at 11:46 AM
2 moms liked this
I am accountable for my mistakes. I might not want them to be brought up but I did it to myself.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 21, 2017 at 11:47 AM
I am a completely different person and more responsible now but nearly everybody has a stupid phase in their late teens early twenties

Quoting Anonymous 2: I am accountable for my mistakes. I might not want them to be brought up but I did it to myself.
squeekers
by squeekers on Nov. 21, 2017 at 11:48 AM
If Mother had lived past my 19th b'day, she would have harassed me my entire life not just my childhood. The woman never let anything go.
So that being said, I can see how some would not be able to forgive and forget.
Southern_Song
by Jo on Nov. 21, 2017 at 11:48 AM
No but apparently most of the world thinks they should be.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 21, 2017 at 11:48 AM
I think that sounds like a miserable way to live. Not only should we be allowed to repair our mistakes but it’s also not healthy to hold onto hatred and bitterness like that.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 21, 2017 at 11:49 AM
4 moms liked this
Some mistakes have lasting consequences whether or not you change your behavior.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Nov. 21, 2017 at 11:49 AM
11 moms liked this

Here's the thing though - some actions, not mistakes, have huge and everlasting consequences.  When that happens, you're damn right it needs to be remembered.  Screwing around on one's spouse is one of those things that I don't have a problem with being held against that person, and the one they were with, forever.  Destroying a family is not a mistake.  Adultery is a conscious decision from all parties involved.  I wouldn't want a former drug dealer with a prison record working for me either so no sympathy on that one.  I've known people like that and the vast majority of the time, they haven't really changed. 

I've made actual mistakes but committing felonies and bedding married men aren't among them.  I guess the moral of this story is to not be a heartless asshole or a criminal and it will do a lot of good in one's life. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Nov. 21, 2017 at 11:51 AM
2 moms liked this
I don’t have a problem being held accountable for my mistakes, not that fucking a married man and breaking up a family is an oopsie. That’s something you knowingly and willingly choose to do. If as a result one or both parties are removed from people’s lives, so be it. No one is required to change their minds after a certain amount of time. Sometimes it’s a life sentence kind of thing, if I was the one who did the crime I’d also do my time.

ETA: And I don’t think people realize how little effort is involved in cutting a person out. People aren’t full of hatred and anger, constantly thinking about these folks...no one is thinking of them at all. That’s the point of cutting someone out, to free yourself. You can forgive without ever letting a person back in your life.
mjande4
by Gold Member on Nov. 21, 2017 at 11:52 AM

This.  One hundred times this.  

Quoting Anonymous 5:

Here's the thing though - some actions, not mistakes, have huge and everlasting consequences.  When that happens, you're damn right it needs to be remembered.  Screwing around on one's spouse is one of those things that I don't have a problem with being held against that person, and the one they were with, forever.  Destroying a family is not a mistake.  Adultery is a conscious decision from all parties involved.  I wouldn't want a former drug dealer with a prison record working for me either so no sympathy on that one.  I've known people like that and the vast majority of the time, they haven't really changed. 

I've made actual mistakes but committing felonies and bedding married men aren't among them.  I guess the moral of this story is to not be a heartless asshole or a criminal and it will do a lot of good in one's life. 


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)