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Should We Send A Gift to the Soon to be Ex DIL?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 73 Replies

We were very sorry to be told recently that our son & his wife are splitting up.  Long story short - she has been finding "emotional support" elsewhere (with an old boyfriend).  They have been married for almost 8 years, have a lovely home and two of the sweetest kids ever.  They also live almost 1000 miles away.  We feel terrible, and we have always loved our DIL and she has been a good Mom to the grandkids.  So my question is: should we send her a Christmas gift?  We have always sent clothes and toys to the kids, of course, and also gifts for their home, and a personal gift (cost around $100) to each of them. She is still the Mom to our grandkids and we don't hate her, we just think she's an idiot for making our son so unhappy and losing his trust (they've tried counseling, btw, he goes to therapy once a week for years, she tends to walk out the few sessions  she's attended, saying she's being "ganged up on", and she's the one who suffers from acute anxiety.) I was thinking maybe a gift card in a modest amount might be more appropriate, given the circumstances.  Money will become very tight for them as they sell the house, get lawyers, get places to live, etc.  I would appreciate your feedback.  Thanks.

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 24, 2017 at 12:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Ted1242
by I'm listening. on Nov. 24, 2017 at 12:08 PM
9 moms liked this
I’m not one to pick sides in a divorce so if I had a good relationship with her, and she was a good mother to my grandchildren, yes.
smorgan865
by Ruby Member on Nov. 24, 2017 at 12:10 PM
This

Quoting Ted1242: I’m not one to pick sides in a divorce so if I had a good relationship with her, and she was a good mother to my grandchildren, yes.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 24, 2017 at 12:11 PM

She's still family, and always will be, so I would.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 24, 2017 at 12:11 PM

Me too, but yes, we always did have a good relationship which is one reason we're so sad.  And, her family is lovely and they adore our son.  Thanks!

Quoting Ted1242: I’m not one to pick sides in a divorce so if I had a good relationship with her, and she was a good mother to my grandchildren, yes.


shell3m
by Shell on Nov. 24, 2017 at 12:12 PM
1 mom liked this
Nope.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 24, 2017 at 12:14 PM
1 mom liked this
I probably wouldn't. She was having an emotional affair on my son. She can f off with that and her "acute anxiety". Maybe his mom will buy her a gift.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 24, 2017 at 12:14 PM
I say go for it. I don't think there is anything wrong with being nice.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Nov. 24, 2017 at 12:14 PM
If you have always had a good relationship with and she is a good mom to your grandkids then I think you should do what you normally do. I know it feels like your ds was the wounded party, but don’t get involved and don’t take sides.
desertlvn
by Platinum Member on Nov. 24, 2017 at 12:15 PM
1 mom liked this
I would.

She's still going to be a big part of your family's life. I would keep the relationship positive.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Nov. 24, 2017 at 12:15 PM
This year yes because it's already been bought. After this year probably not.
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