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I need advice - DD forced to accept apology?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 84 Replies

I know I'm going to get called a 'troll' but - I am in Australia; which will explain any "irregularities" such as why my kid had school on Friday and why it's Saturday night when I'm posting this. 

DD12 is in grade 6; which is the last year of primary school here (elementary for everyone on CM). I'm not entirely sure how - but somehow they have a SN 14yo boy who has repeated two grades, leading him to be quite a bit older than the rest of the grade. DD has tolerated his prescence. She will polietly talk to him when she sees him - but does not consider him a 'friend' or even an 'accquantiance'. This kid has somehow got it into his head that DD has a crush on him and wants to date him. DD is a timid kid - still covers her face in kissing scenes on Disney for crying out loud - and has very polietly said "no. I don't date". I found out tonight that this kid has taken to stalking DD, following her around the school during recess, watching her play with her friends (Like I said, DD is immature, she still plays on the playground), and even watching her do flips on the equipment and on the grass; like, sitting alone - staring at her.

On Friday, she was wearing a skirt, wasn't participating in the 'gymnastics' until a friend asked to see a specific skill. DD did the skill ONCE - and when she landed - she noticed this kid standing directly behind her (who she didn't see before she did anything), staring at her butt, licking his lips. He then said "That looks good (name)". DD wasn't willing to report this to her teacher (male) but her friend did. The teacher spoke to the boy, who has written an apology note to DD which said "I'm sorry you're mad that you saw me looking at you." So not even a real apology. DD has refused the apology; and when the teacher asked if she would tell the kid she 'forgave him'. DD said no. DD told her teacher that this kid didn't make her feel safe and that she didn't want him thinking they were friends or anything else. She said she felt really "icky" when she saw him looking at her. 

The teacher has demanded she accept the apology and if she hasn't by Monday, she will be punished. The teacher claims it wasn't "intentional" and DD needs to be kind to others. DD has literally told me this 20 minutes ago and after comforting her and telling her she NEVER has to accept an apology or forgive someone if she's not ready to (obviously to an extent); she's gone to bed to read. I'm livid and it's just me here - I'm seperated from my ex. I want to email the school and demand a meeting - but would I be overreacting? DD says she thinks she'll just forgive him to avoid trouble. She says she feels like she has to do it - especially because he's SN. WWYD?

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 25, 2017 at 4:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 25, 2017 at 4:20 AM
Where in Australia?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 25, 2017 at 4:21 AM
5 moms liked this
I 100% would email the teacher. Your dd doesn't have to accept an apology and shouldn't be punished for not accepting.
Valentina327
by on Nov. 25, 2017 at 4:24 AM
1 mom liked this
That's not right. I'd step in.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 25, 2017 at 4:24 AM
5 moms liked this

no absolutely not, she is right to not accept the apology. If she does then the boy will think that he can do it over and over and just apologize and things will be okay. SN or not he needs to know it's not okay. I would be calling the school to have a meeting about the teacher too. I would be livid if a teacher was going to punish my child for not accepting an apology from a kid who is constantly making my daughter feel uncomfortable.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 25, 2017 at 4:25 AM

I'm happy to answer - but why?

Quoting Anonymous 2: Where in Australia?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 25, 2017 at 4:25 AM
It makes a difference

Quoting Anonymous 1:

I'm happy to answer - but why?

Quoting Anonymous 2: Where in Australia?

young_lv_mom
by Gold Member on Nov. 25, 2017 at 4:26 AM
6 moms liked this
Ask for a meeting. If they make her forgive him it will teach the boy he can treat her like crap then just tell her she is wrong for feeing how she does. I can’t belive they would punish a child for not forgiveing another student. What kind of person does that. If anything ask the teacher if he has ever have a sexual harassment training corse. Then ask why part of what the student did seems fine. But also request the principal (not sure if it’s call that there or not. Sorry) be in attendance with the meeting so that nothing can be miss understood later down the road. Good luck.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Nov. 25, 2017 at 4:29 AM
1 mom liked this
Stand up for your daughter. The teacher is totally in the wrong.
OhSara87
by Gold Member on Nov. 25, 2017 at 4:33 AM
2 moms liked this
I would talk to her teacher Monday morning and then if you get no where with the teacher then you have every reason to go to the principal or headmaster and confront them about this matter.

You’re right - she shouldn’t be forced into accepting an apology just bc the boy is older and has SN. In fact, I’d bring up sexual harassment bc he was looking at her and commented on her butt that was unnecessary
KitschyMeow
by Meowtyme on Nov. 25, 2017 at 4:33 AM
1 mom liked this
You child doesn't have to accept any apology from this kid. If anything, they need to talk to the boy about his behavior. Also, your child needs to be letting the school know all that is going on between her and this kid. She has a right to be in a safe environment and if she is feeling uncomfortable when he is around, she isn't safe.
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