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How do you handle unfair treatment?

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2017 at 2:59 AM
  • 73 Replies
So just about every year, my former MIL spoils my oldest, and my daughters are almost an after-thought. They are twins and only 3 years younger than their brother, so I try very hard to make sure things are as fair as possible, I don't purposely create sibling rivalry. Well this year is going to be tricky.
She told me she got my son a new tablet, and my girls she got $30 dolls (the My Girl dolls from Walmart)

Well ok one of them loves those dolls so that will be OK but her sister hates them. She doesn't own any, I don't buy her any, because she makes it no secret that she finds them creepy (the opening and closing eyes specifically)

Now I'm at a loss... I wasn't going to go extravagant this year because we already have a fairly expensive trip planned, but two 10 year old girls are only going to see their brother with a tablet, and them without. (This is the second tablet MIL has bought my son over the years and it didn't go over well the first time either)

I just... I don't know what to do... should I take a hit and get them tablets too, or should I just let my ex and MIL deal with the fallout of this bad judgement?
by on Dec. 3, 2017 at 2:59 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 3, 2017 at 3:08 AM
1 mom liked this
Tell her she won't be allowed to give anything to any of the children unless the gifts are equal.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 3, 2017 at 3:08 AM
IMO: I would expect my children to show gratefulness for any gift given and that there would not be a "fall out". If the girls are 10, they are old enough for you to explain to them that her behavior is about her and who she is and not them.

As to whether to get them a tablet so everyone has one, that's up to you. Mine are close in age so it's hard when one has something more mature but we take a "life isn't fair" approach And that she is older and with that comes privilege.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 3, 2017 at 3:12 AM
Gratitude. The word you want is gratitude, not gratefulness.

Quoting Anonymous 2: IMO: I would expect my children to show gratefulness for any gift given and that there would not be a "fall out". If the girls are 10, they are old enough for you to explain to them that her behavior is about her and who she is and not them.

As to whether to get them a tablet so everyone has one, that's up to you. Mine are close in age so it's hard when one has something more mature but we take a "life isn't fair" approach And that she is older and with that comes privilege.
witchywonder
by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2017 at 3:14 AM
Oh the fall out probably wont be immediate, the excitement of Christmas and lots to open... but at some point one of not both of them are going to compare their stuff to their brother. They do it every year. I also don't want to go through it when we're on a plane and he has a new tablet to be distracted by and they don't... but ugh it means less to spend on them when we actually get there.

Quoting Anonymous 2: IMO: I would expect my children to show gratefulness for any gift given and that there would not be a "fall out". If the girls are 10, they are old enough for you to explain to them that her behavior is about her and who she is and not them.

As to whether to get them a tablet so everyone has one, that's up to you. Mine are close in age so it's hard when one has something more mature but we take a "life isn't fair" approach And that she is older and with that comes privilege.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 3, 2017 at 3:15 AM
2 moms liked this
I would tell her that she needed to return the Tablet and the other doll.
That she need to treat the kids equally or she would no longer be allowed to see them.
witchywonder
by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2017 at 3:15 AM
I'm running out of ways to convince them to be grateful that every year their own grandmother shows a noticeable preference for their brother.

Quoting Anonymous 3: Gratitude. The word you want is gratitude, not gratefulness.

Quoting Anonymous 2: IMO: I would expect my children to show gratefulness for any gift given and that there would not be a "fall out". If the girls are 10, they are old enough for you to explain to them that her behavior is about her and who she is and not them.

As to whether to get them a tablet so everyone has one, that's up to you. Mine are close in age so it's hard when one has something more mature but we take a "life isn't fair" approach And that she is older and with that comes privilege.
Governmentcheez
by Member on Dec. 3, 2017 at 3:18 AM
If theres a reason you cant be stern with her then just get the girls tablets too
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 3, 2017 at 3:18 AM
1 mom liked this
What your former MIL is doing isn't acceptable. She's using gifts to tell her granddaughters she considers them less than their brother. Your daughters should not be expected to feel grateful for any gift that sends that message.

It needs to stop this year.

Quoting witchywonder: Oh the fall out probably wont be immediate, the excitement of Christmas and lots to open... but at some point one of not both of them are going to compare their stuff to their brother. They do it every year. I also don't want to go through it when we're on a plane and he has a new tablet to be distracted by and they don't... but ugh it means less to spend on them when we actually get there.

Quoting Anonymous 2: IMO: I would expect my children to show gratefulness for any gift given and that there would not be a "fall out". If the girls are 10, they are old enough for you to explain to them that her behavior is about her and who she is and not them.

As to whether to get them a tablet so everyone has one, that's up to you. Mine are close in age so it's hard when one has something more mature but we take a "life isn't fair" approach And that she is older and with that comes privilege.
witchywonder
by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2017 at 3:21 AM
Thanks... that's how I feel I'm just struggling to figure out how to resolve it. This is our first Christmas as a broken family so-to-speak... and I feel like this could be especially hurtful on top of what else the kids are dealing with.

Quoting Anonymous 1: What your former MIL is doing isn't acceptable. She's using gifts to tell her granddaughters she considers them less than their brother. Your daughters should not be expected to feel grateful for any gift that sends that message.

It needs to stop this year.

Quoting witchywonder: Oh the fall out probably wont be immediate, the excitement of Christmas and lots to open... but at some point one of not both of them are going to compare their stuff to their brother. They do it every year. I also don't want to go through it when we're on a plane and he has a new tablet to be distracted by and they don't... but ugh it means less to spend on them when we actually get there.

Quoting Anonymous 2: IMO: I would expect my children to show gratefulness for any gift given and that there would not be a "fall out". If the girls are 10, they are old enough for you to explain to them that her behavior is about her and who she is and not them.

As to whether to get them a tablet so everyone has one, that's up to you. Mine are close in age so it's hard when one has something more mature but we take a "life isn't fair" approach And that she is older and with that comes privilege.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 3, 2017 at 3:21 AM
That sucks when grandparents play favorites. It really sucks when they play favorites within the same household, and you can't shield them. My husband's parents have never given our kids so much as a card, let alone a gift, but the other grandkids get presents for Christmas, Easter and their birthdays. But that's easier to handle since it's not the same house.
At some point, your daughters will show a noticeable preference for the grandparents who don't treat them like that. And it will be her own fault.

Quoting witchywonder: I'm running out of ways to convince them to be grateful that every year their own grandmother shows a noticeable preference for their brother.

Quoting Anonymous 3: Gratitude. The word you want is gratitude, not gratefulness.

Quoting Anonymous 2: IMO: I would expect my children to show gratefulness for any gift given and that there would not be a "fall out". If the girls are 10, they are old enough for you to explain to them that her behavior is about her and who she is and not them.

As to whether to get them a tablet so everyone has one, that's up to you. Mine are close in age so it's hard when one has something more mature but we take a "life isn't fair" approach And that she is older and with that comes privilege.
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