Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Age doesn't matter in a marriage

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
When I wrote my post about my husband and I having communication problems, and many commented on our age difference.

I am 21 and he is 35.

He is the smartest man I know and handsome and loving.

I don't think age is as big of a deal in a relationship as some seem to think.

What is your opinion?
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 6, 2017 at 7:45 PM
Replies (291-291):
by Platinum Member on Dec. 10, 2017 at 6:43 PM

He's already suspicious and trying to close the bars around you so you can't leave or know anything.

When he's not around, grab the most necessary items for you and your kids and get a cab to come get you.

He's starting the more intensive abuse and it's going to turn violent soon.

Do not be there for it!  Get out now!

Quoting Anonymous 1: He has taken away my computer now but I still have my phone for now. When he's home I don't use it at all so he doesn't get suspicious.
Quoting Saphira1207:

That is a classic abuse manipulative.

Have you ever seen the movie "Enough"?  You should.

It's where you're headed if you don't make some calls.  DO NOT make them when he's around.  The site has some really good tips for getting help without him knowing.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Thank you! He has taken away my car keys so my daughter and I are stuck at home a while.
Quoting Saphira1207:

Yes, they will help you decide, but they will not make the decision for you.

They will also help you understand how custody works.  He can't just ship you off to an inpatient facility and take custody of the kids.  That's very, very illegal in several ways.

Call them.  Ask for the local DV groups contact information, and then call them and ask for help.

Also, go check out the guardian angels group.  The women in there have all been in your shoes, myself included.

AND! since I just finished a substance abuse inservice for work:  (<--  chat rooms for support plus all kinds of other help)

When doofus isn't around check out those sites.  They are all supposed to help with addiction issues one way or another.

Quoting Anonymous 1: If I call them will they help me decide what to do??
Quoting Saphira1207:

That's because it DOES apply to you.

You are being abused, by your husband and your parents.  And they are using your lack of education and maturity to strengthen their control over you.

This is the group here on CM for domestic abuse victims and survivors

This is the hotline and website for the national Domestic Abuse organization.  They can get you in touch with the local chapter.


Quoting Anonymous 1: Yes I looked at it and I got really worried since some of it seems like it applies to me
Quoting Saphira1207:

Legally he can't have you admitted without your consent.

So all you have to do is say no, and the doctors won't do anything.  That's a federal law, fyi.

Did you look at the power wheel I posted a while back?

Because the more you post the more I'm convinced you're being abused.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Well I am in some trouble now. My husband thinks I told some about my addiction and rehab so after the baby's born he's going to send me some where to some facility. I'm not sure what's going to happen to me.
Quoting Anonymous 80:

When you are older and married and going to college...there is no partying environment.  You drive to campus go to your classes and go home.  Its not like you are living in a dorm or an apartment with hundreds of other people who are single and free to live it up and "party"

You are there to get an education.  So you go to class and go home to take care of your kids and study.  

I think the partying atmosphere is a ruse to keep you uneducated.  

What is going to happen if in 10 years your Master level educated husband gets hit by a bus or leaves you with two or more...three...four...five kids that he talked you into having...How in the heck are you suppose to support them with a few art classes and painting?  

My DH and I met in college and married right before we both started graduate school.  We were too busy working part-time, going to classes and studying/writing our thesis for our degrees to party.  If we went to a dollar movie it was a wild night out.  

Both my DH and I have equal education.  I am a SAHM but if something happens to him I stay current in my field and could re-enter the work place and support our family.  Like if he is injured seriously...there would be no life insurance and someone has to pay to keep the lights on and food on the table.  

Honey, I think we are all worried for you because you seem to be okay with being the controlled wife of a much older man...who from what it sounds like doesn't consider you an equal.  And that doesn't want you to become one...hence no college but a couple of babies.  

I know I am concerned for you!!  You could be my DD if my husband and I had a child when we first married and didn't wait 8 years to have a nice stable situation before we had kids.  If you were my DD...I would tell you to think about an IUD after baby number 2 and look seriously into more education.  (There are a lot of classes you can take on-line instead of on campus.)  Something like nursing is a very flexible career.  

Good luck honey...I didn't even know what I didn't know at 21.  

Quoting Anonymous 1: I married him because we loved each other. My parents knew i needed to be with someone older who wouldn't be in to partying because of my past addiction. Going to college might not happen for me because both my parents and husband think the partying environment would not be good for me.
Quoting Anonymous 31:

Why the hell did your parents introduce you to a 30 something man in your teens?  That is sick.   Why did you marry him only  a few months later?? Most girls your age are in college and getting ready for a career.  

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)