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She needs to realize that we are married now and things have to change

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 453 Replies
I have been married to my husband for only 6 months. I knew that he and his mother were very close and I knew that this would continue. But we talked about the fact that when we got married, he was going to have to back off a little bit in regards to things he does for her. He used to go over to her house at least once a week to help her with small projects around the house he would go over to her house for dinner at least twice a week. He also talked to her on the phone at least once a day and several texts throughout the day ( all initiated by her).

When we talked about it before we got married we agreed that we would invite her to our house for dinner once a week and once a month he could go over to her house to help with a few projects here and there for a couple of hours. As far as talking and calling he still talks to her but if we're spending time together he does not return her calls or text messages right away this has always been the way it is, when we were together he never took her calls. The difference is we are together a lot more now. The problem is even though he has talked to her several times about it she doesn't seem to get it. For example we could be watching a movie together and she will text message him. If he doesn't text back within 5 minutes she will call if he doesn't answer the call so call again if he still doesn't answer the call so start calling my phone and she'll call her phone's back and forth until one of us answer. Sometimes he will text her back saying hey I'm busy right now I'll call you later and she'll text back but it's urgent. Even though it turns out to be nothing that couldn't have waited till the next day. She pesters him to come over to her house constantly.
This is only getting to be more of a problem because I am 5 months pregnant. Aside from being married and living together now my husband's going to have to focus on our child as well and is going to have even less time to spend with his mother.

Not only that but his mother is pushing in on my pregnancy. She assumed that she would be going to the ultrasound 2 weeks ago to find out the gender. She also assumed she would be in the delivery room. She was not welcome at either. At the ultrasound it was just the two of us. In the delivery room it'll be the two of us my mother and my sister. She feels thats unfair because my mother and sister will be in the room and she won't. But if my husband was the one up in stirrups with his private business displayed for the entire room I assure you if he wanted his mom in the room I would agree to that and I would obviously agree to my mom and my sister not being there. My husband backs me up on her not being in the delivery room.

This is just a few of the problems I have had with her. How do we get her to let go just a little bit? To understand that she cannot be the center of his world anymore. I understand that she is a widow and that he is her only child but at some point she has to understand that he has created his own family and we have to be his main Focus.

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 7, 2017 at 1:01 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 7, 2017 at 1:04 PM
3 moms liked this
He has to do it alone.

Hope that he does, my ex husband did not. He let his mother interfere with every aspect of our lives and then left me to live in her basement. He’s still there 13 years later.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 7, 2017 at 1:05 PM
28 moms liked this
Lol you expected him to change after marriage, how cute.
merrysgirls
by Lame on Dec. 7, 2017 at 1:05 PM
2 moms liked this
I get tired of this post tbh
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 7, 2017 at 1:06 PM
1 mom liked this

Is she willing to get involved with a community group?  Maybe a gardening club, senior center, cruising club?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Dec. 7, 2017 at 1:06 PM
1 mom liked this
I am just here for the drama
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Dec. 7, 2017 at 1:08 PM
3 moms liked this
Lol it's sad how insecure she is. My dh talks to his mom daily and it's a non issue.

Quoting Anonymous 3: Lol you expected him to change after marriage, how cute.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 7, 2017 at 1:08 PM
well I guess I'm lucky there because he wants to pull away and has done everything he reasonably can. He's explain to her that now that we are married he's got to spend more time with me and now that the baby's coming he's going to have even less time to spend with her. He makes it effort to still spend time with her and include her in our lives he just needs her to understand a little bit that he's got to back away a little bit and he needs more space from her

Quoting Anonymous 2: He has to do it alone.

Hope that he does, my ex husband did not. He let his mother interfere with every aspect of our lives and then left me to live in her basement. He’s still there 13 years later.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 7, 2017 at 1:09 PM
1 mom liked this
Lol yes I did and it's a discussion we had before we got married. He's not the problem here he ignores her calls when we are spending time together he doesn't go over to her house 2 times a week to eat dinner he doesn't go over to her house every week to do all the project she needs done. The problem is she is angry about this and won't let it go.

Quoting Anonymous 3: Lol you expected him to change after marriage, how cute.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 7, 2017 at 1:11 PM
I have no problem with my husband talking to her everyday we both have a problem with her calling four or 5 times a day every day and expecting to have a 20 to 30 minute phone call conversation with him each time

Quoting Anonymous 6: Lol it's sad how insecure she is. My dh talks to his mom daily and it's a non issue.

Quoting Anonymous 3: Lol you expected him to change after marriage, how cute.
AVSpecWife4
by Ruby Member on Dec. 7, 2017 at 1:11 PM
2 moms liked this
Hmmm , well he needs to have a long talk with her. But she needs to make some changes in her life. We all go through the process of “cutting the apron strings” so to speak. Your dh seems to have transitioned ok, his mother has not. I can relate as my husbands mom was very much the same way. My husband is her first born and only son. They were very close. He had to really lay it out that her “blood is thicker than water” Crap is bs. It’s going to come to a boiling point. Unless it’s dealt with now
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