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Rebellious teen? Major update need advice!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 157 Replies
1 mom liked this
How do you deal with a rebellious teen?

My 15 year old stepdaughter for the past 18 days has refused to come out of her room, shower or eat with us. She comes out of her room just as the bus is pulling up at 6:55am during the school week. As soon as she comes home she goes in the back door and goes straight downstairs to her room. Once in her room she ignores everyone. If we try to talk to her she will put her headphones in and puts the covers over her head and ignores us. If we try to take the covers off her head or take away her ear buds she goes postal screaming, threating to call dfs for child abuse or threatens to run away.

My stepdaughter has reactive attachment disorder. Please if you don't know what it is Google before you comment.

We've taken alot of abuse from my stepdaughter over the last 4 years. She has caused her 2 younger brothers to get stitches, ran away 3 times, stolen from people, manipulated people, lies constantly about everything and anything, hoards food and binge eats, blames others, uses people for personal gain, goes through other people's things on a daily basis ect.

Her newest kick is this. Yesterday she told us that she is just using dh and I for room and board. She will not be eating with us, not interacting with us or spending any quality time with any of us, She will take care of herself basically. She said she is tired of us parenting her and she is tired of not fitting in with the people in her life. When we tried to explain how she still needs us and how good she has it living here she wasn't having any of it.

She has a cell phone which we pay for, She has a refrigerator and pantry full of food she can have, She has satellite tv, Netflix and Hulu she can watch at her discretion, parents who take her places and plan fun family nights, parents who buy her clothes and parents who allow her to have friends over.

She replied with: "I have parents who confront me about the things they say are wrong that I do which I don't think are wrong like taking 30 fruit snacks and binge eating them in 15 minutes and then lying about it when asked where did all the fruit snacks go or stealing $20 from my brother and then lying about it and blaming my other brother."

She said I am tired of being told what I can and cannot do. I am tired of getting told that my outfit is to inapproiate or my make up looks trashy. She wears very thick black eye make up and caked on foundation that doesn't match her skintone. She wears crop tops and mid drift shirts, off the shoulder or the open shoulder shirts, low cut v neck shirts, very tight skinny jeans with holes in place were you can see her underwear, super low rise jeans wear her underwear and butt hang out the top and shortie shorts. Those clothes she is wearing are ones her friends gave her. Not the ones she tried on and said she liked when I took her back to school shopping.

How do I deal with this?

Update:

Over Christmas break my stepdaughter ran away. She was found within 13 hours after we found her missing. She was taken for an evaluation at our local hospital and kept for 5 days. Upon her return she became verbally agressive when her dad asked her to come out of her room and join us at the dinner table. She yelled at him telling him that she was not coming out of her room, called him a few choice names and slammed her bedroom door in his face. He allowed her to remain in her room but took her door off the hinges. She screamed multiple times, "don't care."

Over the next few days she refused to talk to anyone. Would get up and come out of her room just in time to make the bus and when she came home would sit on the couch in the livingroom stairing at the wall refusing to talk to anyone or come to the table to eat. I got a text from a girl at school stating my stepdaughter said she had a knife and was going to stab her with it. About 8 days ago she statted getting up and using the bathroom alot more frequently and I caught her in her brothers room and his charger for his tablet was gone. Turned out she had stolen a phone. Well over the weekend we caught her using the phone and took it. Upon getting the phone my husband and I checked to make sure she Wasn't doing anything bad and it turned out she was. She made a bunch of fake profiles on snapchat, Facebook and instagram. She was texting some guy from school begging him to unblock her from snapchat. He said no because bad stuff happens to him when she is around or talks to him. She threatened him saying she Wasn't going to leave him alone. Well through her Instagram account we saw messages she sent her mom and half sister. Telling them how we abuse her, lock her in her room, withhold food from her, through pill bottles at her and razors telling her to kill herself ect. How she wants to come back with them. Stepdaughter's mom lost custody of 3 of her 4 children because of serve neglect and abuse and drugs. My husband has sole custody of stepdaughter and biomom has no rights to any custody or visitation.

Well yesterday my stepdaughter's half sister (13) was blowing up my phone saying how all of this is my fault. Stepdaughter hates me and she doesn't want to live here. Talking about how we are liars and we don't have custody because biomom showed her the papers (custody papers from 5 years ago). Told me we were going to go to jail for keeping stepdaughter against a court order. Called me a bunch of choice names and threatened me.

Stepdaughter thinks all of this is funny. She told me,"I don't see the problem. What's the big deal." We got a letter in the mail stating stepdaughter is being summons to juvinelle court for 1. Running away 4 times in 3 months. 2. Stealing a cell phone from a girl's locker at school. 3. Threatening to stab someone with a knife. 4. Skipping class and 5. Sending nude photos over snapchat and text messages. All of which have been reported by the school. She goes to court Jan. 24th.

I honestly don't know what to do with her or how to help her. Trauma therapy and behavioral therapy aren't helping, meds aren't helping, insurance won't cover residential treatment centers long term (more than 2 weeks), dfs isn't offering any solutions, school refuses to get involved outside of school protocol.

Losing my sanity!
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 13, 2017 at 8:50 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 13, 2017 at 8:53 AM
5 moms liked this
Sounds to me like she's just a rotten brat. That's not any kind of "disorder", that's shit parenting. You live under HER roof. Lol.
krisnkids
by Platinum Member on Dec. 13, 2017 at 8:55 AM
30 moms liked this

Shut off her phone, block her from the wifi. Her dad is required to provide food, shelter and schooling. Other than that, she has to earn. Stop pandering to her because she has a diagnosis. Your husband is raising her to be a social outcast at best, a criminal at worst.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 13, 2017 at 8:58 AM
10 moms liked this
Cut smelly off...from everything. She can have food, clothing, and shelter. Every day, while she’s at school, I would go through her room and destroy any inappropriate crap that she has snuck in. Don’t admit to it, play stupid. You have no idea what’s going on, you don’t know what she’s talking about. That will save you when she tries to call the cops. Put up nanny cams if you think she’s going to get manipulative once she stops getting her way. She wants to fight, protect yourself at all times.

She needs therapy, possibly inpatient
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 13, 2017 at 9:02 AM
6 moms liked this
Does she have a therapist? If not she should. Sounds like she needs hospitalization in a mental health facility.
You could argue she’s a danger to herself and others, Especially with what she’s done to her brothers. (Granted it’s a past act)
I looked it up, RAD is typically caused by neglect.
Sounds like she’s in desperate need of therapy-as an in patient...?
Other that that I’m not sure what else to do-I men’s ypu could take the door off her room and take away her phone, tv in her room.
I keep coming back to therapy...at least for you and your dh.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 13, 2017 at 9:12 AM
She has been inpatient at 2 different treatment centers for young adults with rad within the last 4 years. She sees two therapist weekly. One is a trauma therapist and one is a behavioral therapist. Nothing seems to be working. She just goes from overtly acting out to covert acting out.

At my wits end!

Quoting Anonymous 4: Does she have a therapist? If not she should. Sounds like she needs hospitalization in a mental health facility.
You could argue she’s a danger to herself and others, Especially with what she’s done to her brothers. (Granted it’s a past act)
I looked it up, RAD is typically caused by neglect.
Sounds like she’s in desperate need of therapy-as an in patient...?
Other that that I’m not sure what else to do-I men’s ypu could take the door off her room and take away her phone, tv in her room.
I keep coming back to therapy...at least for you and your dh.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Dec. 13, 2017 at 9:15 AM
Sounds like a brat
HoneyedMacabre
by Silver Member on Dec. 13, 2017 at 9:16 AM
4 moms liked this

My son has RAD.  I am sorry to say he is 18 now and we are not even on speaking terms.  He was in therapy for years to try and break through to him.

Don't listen to these people who say you are a shit parent.  Parenting a kid who has trouble developing any emotional attachment to anyone is nothing short of a nightmare.


HoneyedMacabre
by Silver Member on Dec. 13, 2017 at 9:19 AM
3 moms liked this

I was at my wits end too.  You cannot punish these behaviors out of them, they also don't just wake up and snap out of it one day.

Its hard, and its heartbreaking.  I am sorry you are going through this and that some women are hurling insults at you when they truley have ZERO idea what its like.

My son lied, manipulated, played on my emotions, threatened suicide, ANYTHING to get what he wanted in the moment.  He was also extremely impulsive and consequences meant NOTHING to him.  I get it, don't listen to these other women who don't.

Quoting Anonymous 1: She has been inpatient at 2 different treatment centers for young adults with rad within the last 4 years. She sees two therapist weekly. One is a trauma therapist and one is a behavioral therapist. Nothing seems to be working. She just goes from overtly acting out to covert acting out. At my wits end!
Quoting Anonymous 4: Does she have a therapist? If not she should. Sounds like she needs hospitalization in a mental health facility. You could argue she’s a danger to herself and others, Especially with what she’s done to her brothers. (Granted it’s a past act) I looked it up, RAD is typically caused by neglect. Sounds like she’s in desperate need of therapy-as an in patient...? Other that that I’m not sure what else to do-I men’s ypu could take the door off her room and take away her phone, tv in her room. I keep coming back to therapy...at least for you and your dh.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Dec. 13, 2017 at 9:20 AM
1 mom liked this

That's how I was for the most part, lol. Worse even. I paid for my own phone and everything though and mostly ate out. I say just ignore her as she ignores you then kick her out at 18. She sounds like more trouble than she's worth. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Dec. 13, 2017 at 9:27 AM
2 moms liked this

Whatever she has or going through just love her unconditionally.  Tell her you would not be a good mom if you didn't tell her things she didn't want to hear.  No one else in the world would bother to correct her...only a loving parent would.  Hang in there.  Hugs

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