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"I'm dreading school starting back up"

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My husband said that to me last night. Our oldest has ADHD but it doesn't affect our home life unless school is in session. Summer and winter break he goes back to my nice, self-controllable little boy. Once school starts back up he goes back to being unable to control himself as well and our lives are miserable.

The problem isn't the school doing something wrong. The problem is that my son gets so much pent up energy from having to sit and struggle to focus for 7 hours a day with only 20 minutes to play during the whole time. He struggles to just stare at paper and make connections on how stuff works. Give him manipulatives to *see* how something works, and he picks it up insanely quick. But after he has sat in a room for 7 hours, coming home and doing any more work is a struggle for him big time. I save it for the weekend and we work for an hour and he just 'gets' what he struggled with all week long.

We are seriously considering homeschooling him starting next year. We are already putting him into a new sport to try and help combat his pent up energy (jujitsu) and see how that goes for the rest of the year. My husband is worried about the socialization aspect, but I asked him if he *really* thought our son was able to socialize in school. They're told not to talk during lunch, no talking during class, and you can play for 20 minutes at recess. Anything he talks about that has to do with socialization, it always occurs after school. At least during sports, shopping, volunteering, and all of the other stuff that goes on he can have a wide range of people to interact with.

We are going back and forth with it. I'm just a few classes shy of my early childhood education degree, I frequently volunteer with the school, and the only real problem my husband has with the idea is that 'homeschooled kids are weird...' I laughed, asked him if about 5 different people we knew were weird, and only one of them I listed he considered to be weird... that was the only person I named that was NOT homeschooled.

I haven't pushed it up until this point because my son isn't failing. It's purely his emotional state after school that kills us. But with my husband seeing the issues more and more, even he has brought up me homeschooling him. Once I presented him with a semi-plan he realized that our son wouldn't be locked away in the house all day and suddenly become a recluse. When we were making slime last week he sat there and just listened to me explain why the slime went from being really watery to suddenly becoming slime once we added certain stuff to it. And then I asked if it would ever be able to go back to NOT being slime and my son said 'no! It's a chemical reaction and can't be undone!' They aren't even working on science in school yet, which bugs the hell out of my husband- but my child knows a LOT of science related stuff. Because of me. He doesn't understand what he's taught in school until I walk him through it in a way he can understand. And it takes a LOT less time to help him at home than it does in school.

No point to this post. I'm just awake early, laying in bed, and bored.
by on Dec. 30, 2017 at 10:52 AM
Replies (31-35):
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 30, 2017 at 2:12 PM

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by Ruby Member on Dec. 30, 2017 at 4:32 PM
I used a leash with my daughter too. Never needed it with my son. It is so hard when they feel bad for getting into trouble or don't understand.

DD's teachers have been very accommodating. Now that she is older, I sometimes think they give her too much slack.

Quoting Thewife06:

My biggest issue with teaching my son was learning that when he's 'going crazy' and I thought he wasn't listening... he was hearing every single word I was saying to him.  I can't imagine jumping and running while paying attention to something else someone was saying but that's exactly what he can do.  He is SO intelligent and picks things up so easily. But it has to be taught to him in a way that he can learn.  He can't just have you tell him something and understand it.  He has to physically be able to figure it out some way.  It has to connect to play in some way and within a hort time of doing that, he has it and it's trapped in his brain forever.  It's just a matter of getting it into his brain to begin with.  He doesn't succeed with a bunch of people around.  He LOVES to play and talk and everything that's looked down on in schools.  He's also very self aware that his inability to 'be normal' makes other kids upset. He can't keep track of what is going on in groups and it's overwhelming to him right now- if it has to do with a subject he doesn't understand yet.  You stick him in a group of boys in a room full of legos and they want to build a castle, you best be prepared to see one hell of a castle.  He's goal oriented, but only if he understands how to reach the goal first.  I was deemed a shitty mom because I used a 'leash' on him for a good time period until he stopped running finally.  we still have to keep on him to watch his distance, but he doens't purposely run off anymore.  It's taxing some days, but I think it's that way with all kids. 

Quoting mommytoeandb: I couldn't imagine homeschooling my kiddo with ADHD but every kid is different. Every school is different too. My daughter qualified for talented art and talented music in late elementary school. She was in QUEST for late elementary school and middle school (gifted program). She's taking four honors classes as a freshman in high school. Things I couldn't dream of providing at home. You could find similar things through outside activities if you do opt to homeschool.

She was the kid running away, hiding under her desk, etc. in first grade. It was a hard road. We went to therapy, did private testing, and ultimately started medication. However, she wasn't functioning at home either.

My daughter functions best in a setting with her peers. She is more likely to stay on task if it is a group activity.

by Anonymous 9 on Dec. 30, 2017 at 4:42 PM
My son has ADHD. All his teachers always tried to force me to put him on medicine for it. I refused. I just got stricter and made him go to bed earlier. Right after school I did not make him do homework. I let him play. We would eat dinner and he was allowed to play until I was done cleaning up dinner. Between 7 and 8, he would do homework then right to the bath. In bed no later then 9. It worked for him. He was show off too. Class clown. Watched his dad beat me up till he was 3. I now know he has ptsd and not adhd. So I'm really glad I didn't put him on medication. He was too young for it in my opinion. I wasn't putting him on medicine that would have made him like a zombie. Wasn't happening.
by Anonymous 10 on Dec. 30, 2017 at 4:45 PM
I have a friend who's daughter has ADHD and this type of learning environment is perfect for her.

Quoting spacedementia: Is a Montessori type school an option? If not, I’d homeschool too.
by Member on Jan. 14, 2018 at 1:31 AM

Since you sound like a very conscientious mother, I assume you have already talked to the school about some of the issues your son is having, right?  Your son's teacher should meet the needs of your son.  We live in a day and time where schools have support in place to meet the needs of students.  Before you take him out of school, meet with the teacher one last time and explain what you are experiencing with him.  Work together to make school a positive experience for your son.  Who knows...maybe you can teach at his school when you get your degree!  

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