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I regret that we went for an open adoption

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

When we adopted DS we thought open adoption was the best thing. It would give DS the chance to know his birth parents and them the chance to see him. We talked about yearly visits and pictures/updates. It has not been great at all. 

Well we started having problems when they posted pictures of DS all over social media. We had agreed that it was okay with them to share the pictures with their parents but not put them on social media. The first time they promised it wouldnt happen but it turns out they just blocked us so we couldnt see the pictures. We only found out when one of their family members showed up on the "people you might know" or whatever tab on facebook with DS as their profile picture. I think it was birth moms grandmothers account. 

We stopped sending any pictures. That only made them more angry. The demanded to see DS more. We ended up blocking them on everything. We contacted the adoption agency to see what we should do about the situation. They set up meetings with the birth parents and asked if we would attend one so we can all talk and hopefully get on the same page. Well it didnt go well beause we didnt bring DS and they were expecting him. 

They got mad and refused to talk to us until DS was there. We went to leave because that just wasnt going to happen. They pretty much pitched a fit saying they had the right to see their child and we needed to realize that. 

I told them that he is OUR son and they have 0 rights to him. We have gone out of our way to make this open adoption thing work but clearly it wasnt working. We told them not to contact us in any way again or we would report them for harassment. 

I know it was harsh but it needed to be done. It is clear that they do not have the maturity to handle contact with us and DS. We didnt ask much of them but to just respect our rule of no social media. We didnt have to try to work it out with them at all but we did and all we were met with was disrespect. We are done with them. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:29 PM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:39 PM
Would you like strangers sharing pics of your kids?

Quoting Anonymous 6:

what is the problem with them sharing photos on social media?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:39 PM
That's hard. Old enough to kinda remember them but still young enough to possibly forget as time goes on.

But I agree, closing it is for the best. I'd possibly write a letter once a year, just updating them on your son, but even that's generous after everything.

I can't imagine being on either side of it- the adoptive mom who has to make the decision and the birth mom; I'm sure she struggles with the guilt, the what ifs, unknown, and it plays on her mind to where it's hard to logically think 'that's not my child'- bc biologically, he is. But legally, he's not. Relationship wise, he's not.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

4

Quoting Anonymous 3: How old is ds?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:39 PM

they aren't strangers, they are family whether they like it or not

Quoting Anonymous 4: Would you like strangers sharing pics of your kids?
Quoting Anonymous 6:

what is the problem with them sharing photos on social media?


Twinklesthecat
by Gold Member on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:40 PM
This is why it's better to have an abortion
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:40 PM
1 mom liked this

They arent strangers but all their friends are. 

Quoting Anonymous 6:

they aren't strangers, they are family whether they like it or not

Quoting Anonymous 4: Would you like strangers sharing pics of your kids?
Quoting Anonymous 6:

what is the problem with them sharing photos on social media?



Phoenix_lament
by Fawkes on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:40 PM
No, they are not.

Quoting Anonymous 6:

they aren't strangers, they are family whether they like it or not

Quoting Anonymous 4: Would you like strangers sharing pics of your kids?

Quoting Anonymous 6:

what is the problem with them sharing photos on social media?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:41 PM
I agree.

Quoting Twinklesthecat: This is why it's better to have an abortion
LilysMama719
by Emmy on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:42 PM
This.

Quoting Anonymous 7: Someone has been binge watching Teen Mom.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:43 PM
Close it and be done with it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:43 PM
Nope. The are strangers to the child’s parents.

Quoting Anonymous 6:

they aren't strangers, they are family whether they like it or not

Quoting Anonymous 4: Would you like strangers sharing pics of your kids?

Quoting Anonymous 6:

what is the problem with them sharing photos on social media?

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