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I regret that we went for an open adoption

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

When we adopted DS we thought open adoption was the best thing. It would give DS the chance to know his birth parents and them the chance to see him. We talked about yearly visits and pictures/updates. It has not been great at all. 

Well we started having problems when they posted pictures of DS all over social media. We had agreed that it was okay with them to share the pictures with their parents but not put them on social media. The first time they promised it wouldnt happen but it turns out they just blocked us so we couldnt see the pictures. We only found out when one of their family members showed up on the "people you might know" or whatever tab on facebook with DS as their profile picture. I think it was birth moms grandmothers account. 

We stopped sending any pictures. That only made them more angry. The demanded to see DS more. We ended up blocking them on everything. We contacted the adoption agency to see what we should do about the situation. They set up meetings with the birth parents and asked if we would attend one so we can all talk and hopefully get on the same page. Well it didnt go well beause we didnt bring DS and they were expecting him. 

They got mad and refused to talk to us until DS was there. We went to leave because that just wasnt going to happen. They pretty much pitched a fit saying they had the right to see their child and we needed to realize that. 

I told them that he is OUR son and they have 0 rights to him. We have gone out of our way to make this open adoption thing work but clearly it wasnt working. We told them not to contact us in any way again or we would report them for harassment. 

I know it was harsh but it needed to be done. It is clear that they do not have the maturity to handle contact with us and DS. We didnt ask much of them but to just respect our rule of no social media. We didnt have to try to work it out with them at all but we did and all we were met with was disrespect. We are done with them. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:29 PM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:43 PM
I have a friend who put his daughter up for adoption when he and his ex divorced because neither felt stable enough to raise her. It was an open adoption but his ex was not mentally stable after and regretted her decision so the adoptive parents closed it and he lost that relationship. Sometimes you have to do it for your kids sake.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:44 PM
1 mom liked this
LOL
Some day your dd will be mature enough to realize you were the on what gave her up to begin with.

Quoting Anonymous 5: I placed a daughter for adoption 19 years ago. It was originally an open adoption but they closed it when she was 10 because her mother was jealous of the relationship she and I had. She found me the day she turned 18 and moved across the country to live with me and refduses to soeak to her adoptive parents any longer. She resents them for closing the adoption and taking me away from her.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:45 PM
1 mom liked this
But YOU gave HER up. They raised her for you.

Quoting Anonymous 5: I placed a daughter for adoption 19 years ago. It was originally an open adoption but they closed it when she was 10 because her mother was jealous of the relationship she and I had. She found me the day she turned 18 and moved across the country to live with me and refduses to soeak to her adoptive parents any longer. She resents them for closing the adoption and taking me away from her.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 13 on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:45 PM
6 moms liked this

This is very confusing.  You gave your child away, signed away your rights, but think you had the right to interfere in her upbringing?  Why did you give her away in the first place?  

Quoting Anonymous 5: I placed a daughter for adoption 19 years ago. It was originally an open adoption but they closed it when she was 10 because her mother was jealous of the relationship she and I had. She found me the day she turned 18 and moved across the country to live with me and refduses to soeak to her adoptive parents any longer. She resents them for closing the adoption and taking me away from her.


Pisces_Mom89
by Gold Member on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:47 PM

I want to know this as well. 

Quoting Anonymous 13:

This is very confusing.  You gave your child away, signed away your rights, but think you had the right to interfere in her upbringing?  Why did you give her away in the first place?  

Quoting Anonymous 5: I placed a daughter for adoption 19 years ago. It was originally an open adoption but they closed it when she was 10 because her mother was jealous of the relationship she and I had. She found me the day she turned 18 and moved across the country to live with me and refduses to soeak to her adoptive parents any longer. She resents them for closing the adoption and taking me away from her.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:48 PM
It eads a mistake on my part. I admit that. But she hates them for closing the adoption. She resents the He'll out of them because the only reason I agreed to an adoption in the first place was under the condition that it was open and rewmain so and the only reason they chose to close it was because her adoptive mother was jealous that she and I were very close.

Quoting Anonymous 12: But YOU gave HER up. They raised her for you.

Quoting Anonymous 5: I placed a daughter for adoption 19 years ago. It was originally an open adoption but they closed it when she was 10 because her mother was jealous of the relationship she and I had. She found me the day she turned 18 and moved across the country to live with me and refduses to soeak to her adoptive parents any longer. She resents them for closing the adoption and taking me away from her.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 14 on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:49 PM


Quoting ilovemykids323:

i dont think open adoptions are a good idea.

quinnsmom715
by Ruby Member on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:49 PM

if your child was a girl,id ask if your name was teresa...

Melissa_4
by Navy Mom on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:50 PM

No, they are not.  Not legally, not practically.  They are strangers to the child and the kid's parents.  That's the funny thing about adoption...people cease being family by law.  

Quoting Anonymous 6:

they aren't strangers, they are family whether they like it or not

Quoting Anonymous 4: Would you like strangers sharing pics of your kids?
Quoting Anonymous 6:

what is the problem with them sharing photos on social media?



Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:50 PM
Because I was young and stupid and I let my boyfriend at the time convo 've me it was better. I regretted it from day 1..i never tried to tell her adoptive parents how to raise her. But she and I were very close and her adoptive mother resented that and closed the adoption when she was 10


Quoting Anonymous 13:

This is very confusing.  You gave your child away, signed away your rights, but think you had the right to interfere in her upbringing?  Why did you give her away in the first place?  

Quoting Anonymous 5: I placed a daughter for adoption 19 years ago. It was originally an open adoption but they closed it when she was 10 because her mother was jealous of the relationship she and I had. She found me the day she turned 18 and moved across the country to live with me and refduses to soeak to her adoptive parents any longer. She resents them for closing the adoption and taking me away from her.

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