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I regret that we went for an open adoption

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

When we adopted DS we thought open adoption was the best thing. It would give DS the chance to know his birth parents and them the chance to see him. We talked about yearly visits and pictures/updates. It has not been great at all. 

Well we started having problems when they posted pictures of DS all over social media. We had agreed that it was okay with them to share the pictures with their parents but not put them on social media. The first time they promised it wouldnt happen but it turns out they just blocked us so we couldnt see the pictures. We only found out when one of their family members showed up on the "people you might know" or whatever tab on facebook with DS as their profile picture. I think it was birth moms grandmothers account. 

We stopped sending any pictures. That only made them more angry. The demanded to see DS more. We ended up blocking them on everything. We contacted the adoption agency to see what we should do about the situation. They set up meetings with the birth parents and asked if we would attend one so we can all talk and hopefully get on the same page. Well it didnt go well beause we didnt bring DS and they were expecting him. 

They got mad and refused to talk to us until DS was there. We went to leave because that just wasnt going to happen. They pretty much pitched a fit saying they had the right to see their child and we needed to realize that. 

I told them that he is OUR son and they have 0 rights to him. We have gone out of our way to make this open adoption thing work but clearly it wasnt working. We told them not to contact us in any way again or we would report them for harassment. 

I know it was harsh but it needed to be done. It is clear that they do not have the maturity to handle contact with us and DS. We didnt ask much of them but to just respect our rule of no social media. We didnt have to try to work it out with them at all but we did and all we were met with was disrespect. We are done with them. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:29 PM
Replies (41-50):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 15 on Jan. 2, 2018 at 11:07 PM
8 moms liked this
Basically you're saying you loaned your daughter to another family so they could have the responsibility of raising her and cover all the costs but you still intended to be mommy.

That is so wrong.

Quoting Anonymous 5: I only placed her on the condition that the adoption remain open and I have a relationship with her. They are the ones that went back on their word.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You should have stepped back until she was an adult. People like you are why so many think open adoption shouldn't happen.
Quoting Anonymous 5: I didnt interfere with anything. She and I clicked and had a very natural bond. Her adoptive mother thought closing thw adoption wouod break that bond but it didnt work. And It has only gotten stronger since she moved here.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You GAVE her away. It was selfish of you to interfere with the bonding between the child and her mother.
Quoting Anonymous 5: It was selfish of her adoptive mother to close the adoption because she was jealous that she and I had a close relstionship. She made her choice though and she lost her adopted daughter because of it.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You had no right to put the child in that position. You gave her away. You were no longer her mother. What you did was so selfish.
Quoting Anonymous 5: It eads a mistake on my part. I admit that. But she hates them for closing the adoption. She resents the He'll out of them because the only reason I agreed to an adoption in the first place was under the condition that it was open and rewmain so and the only reason they chose to close it was because her adoptive mother was jealous that she and I were very close.
Quoting Anonymous 12: But YOU gave HER up. They raised her for you.
Quoting Anonymous 5: I placed a daughter for adoption 19 years ago. It was originally an open adoption but they closed it when she was 10 because her mother was jealous of the relationship she and I had. She found me the day she turned 18 and moved across the country to live with me and refduses to soeak to her adoptive parents any longer. She resents them for closing the adoption and taking me away from her.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 2, 2018 at 11:09 PM
It doesn't matter now. She lives with me and calls me Mom and we have a very close relationship. She wants nothing to with them at all.

Quoting Anonymous 15: Basically you're saying you loaned your daughter to another family so they could have the responsibility of raising her and cover all the costs but you still intended to be mommy.

That is so wrong.

Quoting Anonymous 5: I only placed her on the condition that the adoption remain open and I have a relationship with her. They are the ones that went back on their word.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You should have stepped back until she was an adult. People like you are why so many think open adoption shouldn't happen.
Quoting Anonymous 5: I didnt interfere with anything. She and I clicked and had a very natural bond. Her adoptive mother thought closing thw adoption wouod break that bond but it didnt work. And It has only gotten stronger since she moved here.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You GAVE her away. It was selfish of you to interfere with the bonding between the child and her mother.
Quoting Anonymous 5: It was selfish of her adoptive mother to close the adoption because she was jealous that she and I had a close relstionship. She made her choice though and she lost her adopted daughter because of it.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You had no right to put the child in that position. You gave her away. You were no longer her mother. What you did was so selfish.
Quoting Anonymous 5: It eads a mistake on my part. I admit that. But she hates them for closing the adoption. She resents the He'll out of them because the only reason I agreed to an adoption in the first place was under the condition that it was open and rewmain so and the only reason they chose to close it was because her adoptive mother was jealous that she and I were very close.
Quoting Anonymous 12: But YOU gave HER up. They raised her for you.
Quoting Anonymous 5: I placed a daughter for adoption 19 years ago. It was originally an open adoption but they closed it when she was 10 because her mother was jealous of the relationship she and I had. She found me the day she turned 18 and moved across the country to live with me and refduses to soeak to her adoptive parents any longer. She resents them for closing the adoption and taking me away from her.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 16 on Jan. 2, 2018 at 11:09 PM
I don't allow ANY pics of my kids online anymore, and it wasn't because of strangers. Now family and friends alike know that there will either be no pics posted on the internet, or there will be no pics at all. My kids my rules, end of discussion.

Quoting Anonymous 6:

they aren't strangers, they are family whether they like it or not

Quoting Anonymous 4: Would you like strangers sharing pics of your kids?

Quoting Anonymous 6:

what is the problem with them sharing photos on social media?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 15 on Jan. 2, 2018 at 11:10 PM
1 mom liked this
Interesting you didn't deny it.

Quoting Anonymous 5: It doesn't matter now. She lives with me and calls me Mom and we have a very close relationship. She wants nothing to with them at all.

Quoting Anonymous 15: Basically you're saying you loaned your daughter to another family so they could have the responsibility of raising her and cover all the costs but you still intended to be mommy.

That is so wrong.

Quoting Anonymous 5: I only placed her on the condition that the adoption remain open and I have a relationship with her. They are the ones that went back on their word.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You should have stepped back until she was an adult. People like you are why so many think open adoption shouldn't happen.
Quoting Anonymous 5: I didnt interfere with anything. She and I clicked and had a very natural bond. Her adoptive mother thought closing thw adoption wouod break that bond but it didnt work. And It has only gotten stronger since she moved here.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You GAVE her away. It was selfish of you to interfere with the bonding between the child and her mother.
Quoting Anonymous 5: It was selfish of her adoptive mother to close the adoption because she was jealous that she and I had a close relstionship. She made her choice though and she lost her adopted daughter because of it.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You had no right to put the child in that position. You gave her away. You were no longer her mother. What you did was so selfish.
Quoting Anonymous 5: It eads a mistake on my part. I admit that. But she hates them for closing the adoption. She resents the He'll out of them because the only reason I agreed to an adoption in the first place was under the condition that it was open and rewmain so and the only reason they chose to close it was because her adoptive mother was jealous that she and I were very close.
Quoting Anonymous 12: But YOU gave HER up. They raised her for you.
Quoting Anonymous 5: I placed a daughter for adoption 19 years ago. It was originally an open adoption but they closed it when she was 10 because her mother was jealous of the relationship she and I had. She found me the day she turned 18 and moved across the country to live with me and refduses to soeak to her adoptive parents any longer. She resents them for closing the adoption and taking me away from her.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 2, 2018 at 11:11 PM
Because what would be the point on arguing with you about it. Clearly your mind is made up.

Quoting Anonymous 15: Interesting you didn't deny it.

Quoting Anonymous 5: It doesn't matter now. She lives with me and calls me Mom and we have a very close relationship. She wants nothing to with them at all.

Quoting Anonymous 15: Basically you're saying you loaned your daughter to another family so they could have the responsibility of raising her and cover all the costs but you still intended to be mommy.

That is so wrong.

Quoting Anonymous 5: I only placed her on the condition that the adoption remain open and I have a relationship with her. They are the ones that went back on their word.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You should have stepped back until she was an adult. People like you are why so many think open adoption shouldn't happen.
Quoting Anonymous 5: I didnt interfere with anything. She and I clicked and had a very natural bond. Her adoptive mother thought closing thw adoption wouod break that bond but it didnt work. And It has only gotten stronger since she moved here.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You GAVE her away. It was selfish of you to interfere with the bonding between the child and her mother.
Quoting Anonymous 5: It was selfish of her adoptive mother to close the adoption because she was jealous that she and I had a close relstionship. She made her choice though and she lost her adopted daughter because of it.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You had no right to put the child in that position. You gave her away. You were no longer her mother. What you did was so selfish.
Quoting Anonymous 5: It eads a mistake on my part. I admit that. But she hates them for closing the adoption. She resents the He'll out of them because the only reason I agreed to an adoption in the first place was under the condition that it was open and rewmain so and the only reason they chose to close it was because her adoptive mother was jealous that she and I were very close.
Quoting Anonymous 12: But YOU gave HER up. They raised her for you.
Quoting Anonymous 5: I placed a daughter for adoption 19 years ago. It was originally an open adoption but they closed it when she was 10 because her mother was jealous of the relationship she and I had. She found me the day she turned 18 and moved across the country to live with me and refduses to soeak to her adoptive parents any longer. She resents them for closing the adoption and taking me away from her.
momto2boys973
by Sapphire Member on Jan. 2, 2018 at 11:11 PM

Close it. Open adoptions are a scam and they should stop.

loquaciousred
by on Jan. 2, 2018 at 11:15 PM
Interesting I didn't know that.

Quoting quinnsmom715:

and in cate and tys case,they werent even supposed to know the adoptive parents last name..

Quoting loquaciousred: And honestly I think the pictures should be sent to the agency. The bio parents should have to go there to look at them but they can't keep them. That would solve the problem of sharing pictures of children that aren't theirs.

Quoting quinnsmom715:

this is why open adoption dont work.im ok with picture updates but the visits seem weird..

PinkButterfly66
by Diamond Member on Jan. 2, 2018 at 11:20 PM

Just close the adoption.  Then you're not obligated to send them anything and you can get restraining orders if necessary.

VegetaPrincess
by Platinum Member on Jan. 2, 2018 at 11:22 PM
1 mom liked this
That's exactly what she did. She's a con artist.

Quoting Anonymous 15: Basically you're saying you loaned your daughter to another family so they could have the responsibility of raising her and cover all the costs but you still intended to be mommy.

That is so wrong.

Quoting Anonymous 5: I only placed her on the condition that the adoption remain open and I have a relationship with her. They are the ones that went back on their word.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You should have stepped back until she was an adult. People like you are why so many think open adoption shouldn't happen.
Quoting Anonymous 5: I didnt interfere with anything. She and I clicked and had a very natural bond. Her adoptive mother thought closing thw adoption wouod break that bond but it didnt work. And It has only gotten stronger since she moved here.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You GAVE her away. It was selfish of you to interfere with the bonding between the child and her mother.
Quoting Anonymous 5: It was selfish of her adoptive mother to close the adoption because she was jealous that she and I had a close relstionship. She made her choice though and she lost her adopted daughter because of it.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You had no right to put the child in that position. You gave her away. You were no longer her mother. What you did was so selfish.
Quoting Anonymous 5: It eads a mistake on my part. I admit that. But she hates them for closing the adoption. She resents the He'll out of them because the only reason I agreed to an adoption in the first place was under the condition that it was open and rewmain so and the only reason they chose to close it was because her adoptive mother was jealous that she and I were very close.
Quoting Anonymous 12: But YOU gave HER up. They raised her for you.
Quoting Anonymous 5: I placed a daughter for adoption 19 years ago. It was originally an open adoption but they closed it when she was 10 because her mother was jealous of the relationship she and I had. She found me the day she turned 18 and moved across the country to live with me and refduses to soeak to her adoptive parents any longer. She resents them for closing the adoption and taking me away from her.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 15 on Jan. 2, 2018 at 11:25 PM
I feel so bad for the adoptive parents because of the pain she's caused them.

Quoting VegetaPrincess: That's exactly what she did. She's a con artist.

Quoting Anonymous 15: Basically you're saying you loaned your daughter to another family so they could have the responsibility of raising her and cover all the costs but you still intended to be mommy.

That is so wrong.

Quoting Anonymous 5: I only placed her on the condition that the adoption remain open and I have a relationship with her. They are the ones that went back on their word.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You should have stepped back until she was an adult. People like you are why so many think open adoption shouldn't happen.
Quoting Anonymous 5: I didnt interfere with anything. She and I clicked and had a very natural bond. Her adoptive mother thought closing thw adoption wouod break that bond but it didnt work. And It has only gotten stronger since she moved here.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You GAVE her away. It was selfish of you to interfere with the bonding between the child and her mother.
Quoting Anonymous 5: It was selfish of her adoptive mother to close the adoption because she was jealous that she and I had a close relstionship. She made her choice though and she lost her adopted daughter because of it.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You had no right to put the child in that position. You gave her away. You were no longer her mother. What you did was so selfish.
Quoting Anonymous 5: It eads a mistake on my part. I admit that. But she hates them for closing the adoption. She resents the He'll out of them because the only reason I agreed to an adoption in the first place was under the condition that it was open and rewmain so and the only reason they chose to close it was because her adoptive mother was jealous that she and I were very close.
Quoting Anonymous 12: But YOU gave HER up. They raised her for you.
Quoting Anonymous 5: I placed a daughter for adoption 19 years ago. It was originally an open adoption but they closed it when she was 10 because her mother was jealous of the relationship she and I had. She found me the day she turned 18 and moved across the country to live with me and refduses to soeak to her adoptive parents any longer. She resents them for closing the adoption and taking me away from her.
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