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I regret that we went for an open adoption

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

When we adopted DS we thought open adoption was the best thing. It would give DS the chance to know his birth parents and them the chance to see him. We talked about yearly visits and pictures/updates. It has not been great at all. 

Well we started having problems when they posted pictures of DS all over social media. We had agreed that it was okay with them to share the pictures with their parents but not put them on social media. The first time they promised it wouldnt happen but it turns out they just blocked us so we couldnt see the pictures. We only found out when one of their family members showed up on the "people you might know" or whatever tab on facebook with DS as their profile picture. I think it was birth moms grandmothers account. 

We stopped sending any pictures. That only made them more angry. The demanded to see DS more. We ended up blocking them on everything. We contacted the adoption agency to see what we should do about the situation. They set up meetings with the birth parents and asked if we would attend one so we can all talk and hopefully get on the same page. Well it didnt go well beause we didnt bring DS and they were expecting him. 

They got mad and refused to talk to us until DS was there. We went to leave because that just wasnt going to happen. They pretty much pitched a fit saying they had the right to see their child and we needed to realize that. 

I told them that he is OUR son and they have 0 rights to him. We have gone out of our way to make this open adoption thing work but clearly it wasnt working. We told them not to contact us in any way again or we would report them for harassment. 

I know it was harsh but it needed to be done. It is clear that they do not have the maturity to handle contact with us and DS. We didnt ask much of them but to just respect our rule of no social media. We didnt have to try to work it out with them at all but we did and all we were met with was disrespect. We are done with them. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:29 PM
Replies (81-90):
quinnsmom715
by Emerald Member on Jan. 3, 2018 at 3:34 PM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 30 on Jan. 3, 2018 at 3:34 PM

I think the social media thing is ridiculous.  I can guarantee  no matter how much you stomp your feet you will never be able to keep his picture off the internet especially once he has friends and starts school.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 3, 2018 at 3:35 PM
Yes, i was bitter and angry when they closed the adoption. Tbey wemt against everything they had promised because of jealousy. Obviously that hurt and made me angry.

Quoting Anonymous 25: I have no issue that she chooses to have a relationship with you as an adult at all, but why are you so fixated on the fact that she doesn’t have one with her parents? It’s really weird and creepy to me. You keep repeating that in several of replies I’ve read. I’m guessing there is more to why they closed the adoption other than your “bond”.

Quoting Anonymous 5: It doesn't matter now. She lives with me and calls me Mom and we have a very close relationship. She wants nothing to with them at all.

Quoting Anonymous 15: Basically you're saying you loaned your daughter to another family so they could have the responsibility of raising her and cover all the costs but you still intended to be mommy.

That is so wrong.

Quoting Anonymous 5: I only placed her on the condition that the adoption remain open and I have a relationship with her. They are the ones that went back on their word.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You should have stepped back until she was an adult. People like you are why so many think open adoption shouldn't happen.
Quoting Anonymous 5: I didnt interfere with anything. She and I clicked and had a very natural bond. Her adoptive mother thought closing thw adoption wouod break that bond but it didnt work. And It has only gotten stronger since she moved here.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You GAVE her away. It was selfish of you to interfere with the bonding between the child and her mother.
Quoting Anonymous 5: It was selfish of her adoptive mother to close the adoption because she was jealous that she and I had a close relstionship. She made her choice though and she lost her adopted daughter because of it.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You had no right to put the child in that position. You gave her away. You were no longer her mother. What you did was so selfish.
Quoting Anonymous 5: It eads a mistake on my part. I admit that. But she hates them for closing the adoption. She resents the He'll out of them because the only reason I agreed to an adoption in the first place was under the condition that it was open and rewmain so and the only reason they chose to close it was because her adoptive mother was jealous that she and I were very close.
Quoting Anonymous 12: But YOU gave HER up. They raised her for you.
Quoting Anonymous 5: I placed a daughter for adoption 19 years ago. It was originally an open adoption but they closed it when she was 10 because her mother was jealous of the relationship she and I had. She found me the day she turned 18 and moved across the country to live with me and refduses to soeak to her adoptive parents any longer. She resents them for closing the adoption and taking me away from her.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 29 on Jan. 3, 2018 at 3:35 PM

I disagree.  I know at least 10 adults that were adopted as babies and all are really good people, had really good adoptive parents, etc....    

I think adoption is 100x better than incapable mother raising a child or even abortion and I am 100% pro-choice.

Adoption is a very difficult choice.    I am grateful that I have never been in the position where I had to choose between adoption or abortion.    However, if a birth mom decides to allow a couple to adopt her child, she needs to leave those people alone. She needs to love that baby enough to let go and not interfere with his/her life.

If you want to be involved with your child as their grow up, then you should keep the baby.

Quoting Anonymous 26: Adoptions overall are not a good idea. They’re not that fairy tale ending like everyone thinks they are.
Quoting ilovemykids323:

i dont think open adoptions are a good idea.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 3, 2018 at 3:36 PM
No i didnt. It was always agreed on that i wpuld be an active and involved part of her life. And i was until they changed their munds when she was 10.

Quoting Anonymous 27: But you took yourself away from her

Quoting Anonymous 5: I placed a daughter for adoption 19 years ago. It was originally an open adoption but they closed it when she was 10 because her mother was jealous of the relationship she and I had. She found me the day she turned 18 and moved across the country to live with me and refduses to soeak to her adoptive parents any longer. She resents them for closing the adoption and taking me away from her.
MikeysMom22
by Ruby Member on Jan. 3, 2018 at 3:38 PM
1 mom liked this

Not everyone in the whole world has tons of photos of their family on the internet.

These people were also probably claiming that the boy was their son.

Quoting Anonymous 6:

what is the problem with them sharing photos on social media?


KenneMaw
by Ruby Member on Jan. 3, 2018 at 3:39 PM

I think yoiu missed the point.  The condition was that the birth family not post the child's picture and claim him as theirs.    He doesn't belong to that family anymore.  The adoptive parents have all of hte legal rights and they do not want them posting his picture. Why is that so hard to understand?

My nephew was adopted through a family friend.  My brother and SIL moved from our home town so the bio family couldn't see the baby.    They made the same request that if they shared pictures of him, it was to be with the bio mom only.    He is their son, not bio mom's anymore.


Quoting Anonymous 30:

I think the social media thing is ridiculous.  I can guarantee  no matter how much you stomp your feet you will never be able to keep his picture off the internet especially once he has friends and starts school.  


Anonymous
by Anonymous 27 on Jan. 3, 2018 at 3:39 PM
2 moms liked this
So you wanted to be th fun parent while they footed the bill?

Quoting Anonymous 5: No i didnt. It was always agreed on that i wpuld be an active and involved part of her life. And i was until they changed their munds when she was 10.

Quoting Anonymous 27: But you took yourself away from her

Quoting Anonymous 5: I placed a daughter for adoption 19 years ago. It was originally an open adoption but they closed it when she was 10 because her mother was jealous of the relationship she and I had. She found me the day she turned 18 and moved across the country to live with me and refduses to soeak to her adoptive parents any longer. She resents them for closing the adoption and taking me away from her.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 3, 2018 at 3:41 PM
I was a scared young girl without a pot to piss in. I wanted her to have more than i could give her. But i also wasnt ready to walk away.

Quoting Anonymous 27: So you wanted to be th fun parent while they footed the bill?
Quoting Anonymous 5: No i didnt. It was always agreed on that i wpuld be an active and involved part of her life. And i was until they changed their munds when she was 10.
Quoting Anonymous 27: But you took yourself away from her
Quoting Anonymous 5: I placed a daughter for adoption 19 years ago. It was originally an open adoption but they closed it when she was 10 because her mother was jealous of the relationship she and I had. She found me the day she turned 18 and moved across the country to live with me and refduses to soeak to her adoptive parents any longer. She resents them for closing the adoption and taking me away from her.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 26 on Jan. 3, 2018 at 3:41 PM
It’s a scientific fact that children of adoption are at much greater risks for depression and other mental disorders. Just because people appear to be “really good people”, as you put it, on the outside has no indication on what their mental status is.

Quoting Anonymous 29:

I disagree.  I know at least 10 adults that were adopted as babies and all are really good people, had really good adoptive parents, etc....    

I think adoption is 100x better than incapable mother raising a child or even abortion and I am 100% pro-choice.

Adoption is a very difficult choice.    I am grateful that I have never been in the position where I had to choose between adoption or abortion.    However, if a birth mom decides to allow a couple to adopt her child, she needs to leave those people alone. She needs to love that baby enough to let go and not interfere with his/her life.

If you want to be involved with your child as their grow up, then you should keep the baby.

Quoting Anonymous 26: Adoptions overall are not a good idea. They’re not that fairy tale ending like everyone thinks they are.

Quoting ilovemykids323:

i dont think open adoptions are a good idea.

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