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I regret that we went for an open adoption

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

When we adopted DS we thought open adoption was the best thing. It would give DS the chance to know his birth parents and them the chance to see him. We talked about yearly visits and pictures/updates. It has not been great at all. 

Well we started having problems when they posted pictures of DS all over social media. We had agreed that it was okay with them to share the pictures with their parents but not put them on social media. The first time they promised it wouldnt happen but it turns out they just blocked us so we couldnt see the pictures. We only found out when one of their family members showed up on the "people you might know" or whatever tab on facebook with DS as their profile picture. I think it was birth moms grandmothers account. 

We stopped sending any pictures. That only made them more angry. The demanded to see DS more. We ended up blocking them on everything. We contacted the adoption agency to see what we should do about the situation. They set up meetings with the birth parents and asked if we would attend one so we can all talk and hopefully get on the same page. Well it didnt go well beause we didnt bring DS and they were expecting him. 

They got mad and refused to talk to us until DS was there. We went to leave because that just wasnt going to happen. They pretty much pitched a fit saying they had the right to see their child and we needed to realize that. 

I told them that he is OUR son and they have 0 rights to him. We have gone out of our way to make this open adoption thing work but clearly it wasnt working. We told them not to contact us in any way again or we would report them for harassment. 

I know it was harsh but it needed to be done. It is clear that they do not have the maturity to handle contact with us and DS. We didnt ask much of them but to just respect our rule of no social media. We didnt have to try to work it out with them at all but we did and all we were met with was disrespect. We are done with them. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 2, 2018 at 10:29 PM
Replies (91-100):
my4kids274
by Ruby Member on Jan. 3, 2018 at 3:42 PM
Close the adoption
Anonymous
by Anonymous 30 on Jan. 3, 2018 at 3:43 PM

How is posting his pictures claiming him as theirs?  I get they don't like it and as I said I think it is stupid request.  

Quoting KenneMaw:

I think yoiu missed the point.  The condition was that the birth family not post the child's picture and claim him as theirs.    He doesn't belong to that family anymore.  The adoptive parents have all of hte legal rights and they do not want them posting his picture. Why is that so hard to understand?

My nephew was adopted through a family friend.  My brother and SIL moved from our home town so the bio family couldn't see the baby.    They made the same request that if they shared pictures of him, it was to be with the bio mom only.    He is their son, not bio mom's anymore.


Quoting Anonymous 30:

I think the social media thing is ridiculous.  I can guarantee  no matter how much you stomp your feet you will never be able to keep his picture off the internet especially once he has friends and starts school.  



StonesGirl66
by Alexandra on Jan. 3, 2018 at 3:45 PM
I hate these stories. Poor, poor you!
StonesGirl66
by Alexandra on Jan. 3, 2018 at 3:47 PM
1 mom liked this
Agencies and potential adoptive couples will say or agree to anything to get possession of a baby. It's very expensive to buy a baby in the US.

Quoting Anonymous 21: This is the problem with adoption in our country. Birth parents are often convinced usually by the adoption agency that they will still have a hand in raising the child. When in reality the moment the adoption is final it can be closed and they can lose all contact. I feel like it's setting everybody up to fail. The birth parents feel like they are still parents of the child. I think adoption agencies need to be honest about the situation. Make it clear from the get-go that if they choose adoption they may never see their birth child again and they need to be okay with that or they shouldn't choose adoption. Of course adoption agencies will not do that because then fewer people would choose to put their children up for adoption
MommysGirls0607
by Super mom 4 💖 on Jan. 3, 2018 at 3:49 PM
1 mom liked this
I would close the adoption. I never knew bio parents had a say so once they gave their baby up for adoption.
cellomom26
by on Jan. 3, 2018 at 3:53 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't think open adoptions are a good idea.

If you want to be involved in your kid's life, keep him/her and be a parent. If not, choose adoption. You can't have it both ways. The kid shuffled around between 2 families will be confused and suffer.
davidwifey
by on Jan. 3, 2018 at 3:58 PM
1 mom liked this
She's not the only one who thinks you're a pos.

Quoting Anonymous 5: Because what would be the point on arguing with you about it. Clearly your mind is made up.
Quoting Anonymous 15: Interesting you didn't deny it.
Quoting Anonymous 5: It doesn't matter now. She lives with me and calls me Mom and we have a very close relationship. She wants nothing to with them at all.
Quoting Anonymous 15: Basically you're saying you loaned your daughter to another family so they could have the responsibility of raising her and cover all the costs but you still intended to be mommy.



That is so wrong.
Quoting Anonymous 5: I only placed her on the condition that the adoption remain open and I have a relationship with her. They are the ones that went back on their word.

Quoting Anonymous 15: You should have stepped back until she was an adult. People like you are why so many think open adoption shouldn't happen.

Quoting Anonymous 5: I didnt interfere with anything. She and I clicked and had a very natural bond. Her adoptive mother thought closing thw adoption wouod break that bond but it didnt work. And It has only gotten stronger since she moved here.

Quoting Anonymous 15: You GAVE her away. It was selfish of you to interfere with the bonding between the child and her mother.

Quoting Anonymous 5: It was selfish of her adoptive mother to close the adoption because she was jealous that she and I had a close relstionship. She made her choice though and she lost her adopted daughter because of it.

Quoting Anonymous 15: You had no right to put the child in that position. You gave her away. You were no longer her mother. What you did was so selfish.

Quoting Anonymous 5: It eads a mistake on my part. I admit that. But she hates them for closing the adoption. She resents the He'll out of them because the only reason I agreed to an adoption in the first place was under the condition that it was open and rewmain so and the only reason they chose to close it was because her adoptive mother was jealous that she and I were very close.

Quoting Anonymous 12: But YOU gave HER up. They raised her for you.

Quoting Anonymous 5: I placed a daughter for adoption 19 years ago. It was originally an open adoption but they closed it when she was 10 because her mother was jealous of the relationship she and I had. She found me the day she turned 18 and moved across the country to live with me and refduses to soeak to her adoptive parents any longer. She resents them for closing the adoption and taking me away from her.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 31 on Jan. 3, 2018 at 3:59 PM
Did yoy have another kid before they closed the adoption?

Quoting Anonymous 5: Because what would be the point on arguing with you about it. Clearly your mind is made up.

Quoting Anonymous 15: Interesting you didn't deny it.

Quoting Anonymous 5: It doesn't matter now. She lives with me and calls me Mom and we have a very close relationship. She wants nothing to with them at all.

Quoting Anonymous 15: Basically you're saying you loaned your daughter to another family so they could have the responsibility of raising her and cover all the costs but you still intended to be mommy.

That is so wrong.

Quoting Anonymous 5: I only placed her on the condition that the adoption remain open and I have a relationship with her. They are the ones that went back on their word.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You should have stepped back until she was an adult. People like you are why so many think open adoption shouldn't happen.
Quoting Anonymous 5: I didnt interfere with anything. She and I clicked and had a very natural bond. Her adoptive mother thought closing thw adoption wouod break that bond but it didnt work. And It has only gotten stronger since she moved here.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You GAVE her away. It was selfish of you to interfere with the bonding between the child and her mother.
Quoting Anonymous 5: It was selfish of her adoptive mother to close the adoption because she was jealous that she and I had a close relstionship. She made her choice though and she lost her adopted daughter because of it.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You had no right to put the child in that position. You gave her away. You were no longer her mother. What you did was so selfish.
Quoting Anonymous 5: It eads a mistake on my part. I admit that. But she hates them for closing the adoption. She resents the He'll out of them because the only reason I agreed to an adoption in the first place was under the condition that it was open and rewmain so and the only reason they chose to close it was because her adoptive mother was jealous that she and I were very close.
Quoting Anonymous 12: But YOU gave HER up. They raised her for you.
Quoting Anonymous 5: I placed a daughter for adoption 19 years ago. It was originally an open adoption but they closed it when she was 10 because her mother was jealous of the relationship she and I had. She found me the day she turned 18 and moved across the country to live with me and refduses to soeak to her adoptive parents any longer. She resents them for closing the adoption and taking me away from her.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 3, 2018 at 3:59 PM
I honestly dont care what people think. What matters to me is her and having her in my life. You can call me every namr in the book. It wouldn't matter.

Quoting davidwifey: She's not the only one who thinks you're a pos.

Quoting Anonymous 5: Because what would be the point on arguing with you about it. Clearly your mind is made up.
Quoting Anonymous 15: Interesting you didn't deny it.
Quoting Anonymous 5: It doesn't matter now. She lives with me and calls me Mom and we have a very close relationship. She wants nothing to with them at all.
Quoting Anonymous 15: Basically you're saying you loaned your daughter to another family so they could have the responsibility of raising her and cover all the costs but you still intended to be mommy.

That is so wrong.
Quoting Anonymous 5: I only placed her on the condition that the adoption remain open and I have a relationship with her. They are the ones that went back on their word.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You should have stepped back until she was an adult. People like you are why so many think open adoption shouldn't happen.
Quoting Anonymous 5: I didnt interfere with anything. She and I clicked and had a very natural bond. Her adoptive mother thought closing thw adoption wouod break that bond but it didnt work. And It has only gotten stronger since she moved here.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You GAVE her away. It was selfish of you to interfere with the bonding between the child and her mother.
Quoting Anonymous 5: It was selfish of her adoptive mother to close the adoption because she was jealous that she and I had a close relstionship. She made her choice though and she lost her adopted daughter because of it.
Quoting Anonymous 15: You had no right to put the child in that position. You gave her away. You were no longer her mother. What you did was so selfish.
Quoting Anonymous 5: It eads a mistake on my part. I admit that. But she hates them for closing the adoption. She resents the He'll out of them because the only reason I agreed to an adoption in the first place was under the condition that it was open and rewmain so and the only reason they chose to close it was because her adoptive mother was jealous that she and I were very close.
Quoting Anonymous 12: But YOU gave HER up. They raised her for you.
Quoting Anonymous 5: I placed a daughter for adoption 19 years ago. It was originally an open adoption but they closed it when she was 10 because her mother was jealous of the relationship she and I had. She found me the day she turned 18 and moved across the country to live with me and refduses to soeak to her adoptive parents any longer. She resents them for closing the adoption and taking me away from her.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 3, 2018 at 4:00 PM
2 actually. She was 11 months old whem my daughter was born and 3 when my son was born.

Quoting Anonymous 31: Did yoy have another kid before they closed the adoption?
Quoting Anonymous 5: Because what would be the point on arguing with you about it. Clearly your mind is made up.
Quoting Anonymous 15: Interesting you didn't deny it.
Quoting Anonymous 5: It doesn't matter now. She lives with me and calls me Mom and we have a very close relationship. She wants nothing to with them at all.
Quoting Anonymous 15: Basically you're saying you loaned your daughter to another family so they could have the responsibility of raising her and cover all the costs but you still intended to be mommy.



That is so wrong.
Quoting Anonymous 5: I only placed her on the condition that the adoption remain open and I have a relationship with her. They are the ones that went back on their word.

Quoting Anonymous 15: You should have stepped back until she was an adult. People like you are why so many think open adoption shouldn't happen.

Quoting Anonymous 5: I didnt interfere with anything. She and I clicked and had a very natural bond. Her adoptive mother thought closing thw adoption wouod break that bond but it didnt work. And It has only gotten stronger since she moved here.

Quoting Anonymous 15: You GAVE her away. It was selfish of you to interfere with the bonding between the child and her mother.

Quoting Anonymous 5: It was selfish of her adoptive mother to close the adoption because she was jealous that she and I had a close relstionship. She made her choice though and she lost her adopted daughter because of it.

Quoting Anonymous 15: You had no right to put the child in that position. You gave her away. You were no longer her mother. What you did was so selfish.

Quoting Anonymous 5: It eads a mistake on my part. I admit that. But she hates them for closing the adoption. She resents the He'll out of them because the only reason I agreed to an adoption in the first place was under the condition that it was open and rewmain so and the only reason they chose to close it was because her adoptive mother was jealous that she and I were very close.

Quoting Anonymous 12: But YOU gave HER up. They raised her for you.

Quoting Anonymous 5: I placed a daughter for adoption 19 years ago. It was originally an open adoption but they closed it when she was 10 because her mother was jealous of the relationship she and I had. She found me the day she turned 18 and moved across the country to live with me and refduses to soeak to her adoptive parents any longer. She resents them for closing the adoption and taking me away from her.
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