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HELP!! How do I stop this behavior?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Ds is turning 5 next week. Long story short, he lives with his dad. Mutual decision, no bashing necessary. I had to move 2 hours away and see ds every other weekend. I know he misses me. I miss him too, like crazy. But lately he's almost acting like a toddler. Misbehaving for attention, hands in everything, acting crazy. I spend as much time with him as possible. We do things together all weekend. He has my attention, but of course I still have to do things like cook, clean, shower, etc. I don't know what to do. I've tried talking to him. The usual punishments for that behavior. Nothing is working. He seems starved for attention, except he isn't at all. He is very loved and cared for in both homes. Is this something I'm just going to have to wait out? Or is there something I can do?
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 13, 2018 at 10:59 AM
Replies (101-108):
Basherte
by Platinum Member on Jan. 14, 2018 at 5:56 AM

It would be different because you were the sahm not dad. you were the main caregiver. 

that is the difference.

something changing at dad's house meaning is there a new child there? or is dad dating someone now?

Quoting Anonymous 1: Then he still loses someone. His dad. How would that be different?
Quoting Anonymous 6: He IS starved for your attention. He is actingoput because of the loss of his mother. You can't cram 24/7 availability into every other weekend. Do not punish him, that is adding insult to injury to this poor child. The only way to solve this is to give him his mother back. He needs you, not visits.


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Basherte
by Platinum Member on Jan. 14, 2018 at 6:00 AM

the something that happened is that you  missed christmas visit. 

so there was something that happened. and the reason he isn't acting out at his dad's is that he isn't upset with his father. he's upset with you.


Quoting Anonymous 1: I've seen how well he's doing in his behavior. Like I said, this acting out is recent. The last month or so. Previously he was doing well. We missed a visit at Christmas and now this.
Quoting Anonymous 9: It’s simple. You were a salir, so you were with him most of the time. If dad would had been a sahd and he left, he would be feeling abandoned form his father. Is not about men and women, it’s about the dynamics of the home. You chose to move away, I don’t care about your reasons, you abandoned your son. He needs therapy and most likely, he’s not doing well at his father’s and he is not telling you the truth.
Quoting Anonymous 1: Then he still loses someone. His dad. How would that be different?
Quoting Anonymous 6: He IS starved for your attention. He is actingoput because of the loss of his mother. You can't cram 24/7 availability into every other weekend. Do not punish him, that is adding insult to injury to this poor child. The only way to solve this is to give him his mother back. He needs you, not visits.


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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 14, 2018 at 10:06 AM
It's been over a year. Ex lives with his fiancee and her 15 year old daughter.

Quoting Pisces_Mom89:

A step sister?

When did that happen?

Quoting Anonymous 1: I don't think he's starved for attention, but it is different. He has a step sister and a stricter schedule. Obviously he's also not with his dad all day either, due to work and school. As for sexual abuse, I've seen no signs of that. No strange comments, inappropriate behavior, bedwetting, etc.

Quoting Anonymous 27: I agree. And is there ANY chance that he could be starved for attention at your exes house? That someone could be sexually abusing him outside the home?

Quoting Anonymous 2:

get him into therapy

obviously two households are too much for him to handle, emotionally and needs help coping

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 14, 2018 at 10:09 AM
Nothing new at dad's as far as I've been told. He has lived with his fiancee and her 15 year old daughter for over a year.

Quoting Basherte:

It would be different because you were the sahm not dad. you were the main caregiver. 

that is the difference.

something changing at dad's house meaning is there a new child there? or is dad dating someone now?

Quoting Anonymous 1: Then he still loses someone. His dad. How would that be different?

Quoting Anonymous 6: He IS starved for your attention. He is actingoput because of the loss of his mother. You can't cram 24/7 availability into every other weekend. Do not punish him, that is adding insult to injury to this poor child. The only way to solve this is to give him his mother back. He needs you, not visits.

weeping_angel
by Don't Blink on Jan. 14, 2018 at 10:11 AM
His whole life has been flipped upside down. Stay patient with the little guy

Quoting Anonymous 1: I was a sahm for most of his first 4 years. I understand he wants my attention, but that's the thing, he has it.

Quoting Anonymous 3: Were you the primary caregiver for the first few years of his life? If so I'm sure he's experiencing feelings of abandonment and is acting out because he doesn't have the ability to express it. And he probably is legitimately craving attention from his mother.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 14, 2018 at 10:13 AM
I agree. Neither the divorce nor moving were my first choice.

Quoting Anonymous 29: Your son lost his family. Both parents should live within 15 minutes or better yet not get divorced.
Pisces_Mom89
by Gold Member on Jan. 14, 2018 at 12:42 PM

That's a lot of change for someone so small. Im sure Christmas is what triggered it but these feeling were probably already there. He displays this behaviour to you because its you he wants the attention from. You who he wants more in his life. You who took care of him 4 years and now only he sees him 4 days a month. Dad is the same, his home is the same except now there is some woman and her daughter there and mom is no where to be seen. That's how he sees this through tiny 5 year old eyes.

Quoting Anonymous 1: It's been over a year. Ex lives with his fiancee and her 15 year old daughter.
Quoting Pisces_Mom89:

A step sister?

When did that happen?

Quoting Anonymous 1: I don't think he's starved for attention, but it is different. He has a step sister and a stricter schedule. Obviously he's also not with his dad all day either, due to work and school. As for sexual abuse, I've seen no signs of that. No strange comments, inappropriate behavior, bedwetting, etc.
Quoting Anonymous 27: I agree. And is there ANY chance that he could be starved for attention at your exes house? That someone could be sexually abusing him outside the home?
Quoting Anonymous 2:

get him into therapy

obviously two households are too much for him to handle, emotionally and needs help coping



cali_gurl
by Ruby Member on Jan. 14, 2018 at 6:46 PM

He has it every other weekend after having it every day for the first 4 years. My 6 year old would be beyond needy if he only saw me every other weekend. 

Quoting Anonymous 1: I was a sahm for most of his first 4 years. I understand he wants my attention, but that's the thing, he has it.
Quoting Anonymous 3: Were you the primary caregiver for the first few years of his life? If so I'm sure he's experiencing feelings of abandonment and is acting out because he doesn't have the ability to express it. And he probably is legitimately craving attention from his mother.


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