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I want a home birth but no one is taking me seriously

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

My husband is but that's it. I don't feel comfortable talking about my birth plans with family or friends because they judge harshly. I've been doing research about different birthing techniques since I got pregnant, well before that actually. It's always something I was interested in but my recent research has convinced me that it is typically best for my baby to be born at home. 


I'm not trying to convince others. They ask me if I plan to take drugs or if I'm having a scheduled c section, etc. 

They say I'll change my mind when the time comes and that I have no  idea what I'm getting myself in to. Isn't that true for all moms? No one knows what they are getting in to yet we still get pregnant and deliver any way we can, whether it be a hospital or home.Why should I not strive for my preferred birth method? I am open to a hospital birth or c section if neccesary but home birth is my first option and I don't see why this is such a "bad" thing.

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 13, 2018 at 7:23 PM
Replies (181-185):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 49 on Jan. 16, 2018 at 12:13 PM

That's cool. It still exists on the thread for OP and other people reading who get this kind of illogical nonsense in their lives. 

Quoting ReedusStalker: Yeah i dont care and im not going to read all this. I dont care enough, sorry lol
Quoting Bellarose0212:

I'm really not sure why any of that gets conflated with planning for a homebirth. Whether planning to birth inside or outside of a hospital, I'm pretty sure most first time moms know that birth can be messy and unpredictable. Should all women just go in without any research or opinions about their own birth just expecting it will be a horrible emergency where none of that matters? I don't know if I want freedom of movement or pitocin or an epidural because I just assumed I would have an emergency cesarean? That would be kind of weird as it can definitely go the other way. 

I had two out of hospital births (one birth center, one homebirth). I knew hospital transfer was a possibility and honestly most of my birth plan was for that. The emergency situation where I would need the people close to me to communicate to hospital staff. And it was short and pictorial. At home the plan involved things my midwife needed to know like about cord clamping and cord blood. But none of it was about everything being a magical fairytale. It was always going to be birth, which is messy and most of the time painful (some people do have pain free births, not me but that is awesome when it happens). Both of my births were pretty textbook though. And none of my research or planning or preparing was for naught. If I had had an emergency transfer, there would have been no changing that and the birth tub would have been pointless, but obviously it can go the other way and I did use it. 

Quoting ReedusStalker:

So so true lol  How many first moms are like, " I'm going to give birth with angels playing the harp in the back ground. I will need no pain meds because I will soar above the pain!  My baby will enter the world to harp music and ahhs.  There will be no blood, no mess, I will no piss or shit in the bed.  Heavenly wind will blow my hair back in a way that makes it look beautiful and I will wear a white, flowing gown."

Meanwhile, the rest us are laughing going, sure thing, honey, sure thing.  LOL

Quoting Anonymous 6: I don't mean this is a mean way, but like your own wedding no one truly cares how you give birth to your baby (save your husband). They may talk about it with you. They may debate it with you. But they don't care. And once you have your baby you won't care either. It truly won't be that big of a deal. Home birth or not, you go into labor. And if things go smoothly after a few hours of pain the baby pops out. If you're at a hospital you wait around for 24 hours. If your at home your at home. So do whatever YOU want. I think what "experienced" moms are talking to is some first time mothers have this long drug out birth plan that never happens. Once your in labor and it feels like the movie Alien with something try to rip out of your body suddenly you don't give a fuck about lavender lip balm and ice chips.




Lala80
by Bronze Member on Jan. 16, 2018 at 12:20 PM
1 mom liked this
Omg so sorry. I thought you were OP. You must have thought my response was crazy. Hahaha

That is a great option and does sound like the best of both worlds. We used to have a birthing centre by us. (I’m north of Toronto) but they got rid of them, probably to taxing on our OHIP system. I would just always want to be close to medical professionals. Knowing what I know now I would NEVER do a home birth, I think why go backwards! Just my opinion.

Quoting lizzistardust: Oh, no, I’m done with my babies! And I didn’t go into either delivery with plans of zero medical intervention.

If anything, I was agreeing with you: there’s a huge benefit to being in a hospital. If something goes wrong, there is IMMEDIATE medical help. I was just also sharing a really cool option that we have around here (in Oklahoma City), because it’s unusual. I think it’s awesome that women here have someplace they can go if they want to be supported in their more natural birth plans, but they still have all the advantages of being in a full hospital with a highly rated NICU unit. It certainly worked out for the friend I mentioned.

Quoting Lala80: Well than do what you feel is right for you. Just make sure to expect the unexpected. Best of luck to you and your little one 😊

Quoting lizzistardust: We have a hospital here with several nurse midwives in the maternity department, and they’re very on board with natural births. A friend of mine had her child there with one of the nurse midwives, and something similar happened. The way her then-husband put it was, “It was like the pediatric staff just appeared out of the woodwork.”

Seems like the best of both worlds: she was in an environment that fully supported her very natural birth plan, but the medical staff necessary to save their baby’s life was right there with absolutely no delay.

Quoting Lala80: Get a very good midwife!! Are you close to hospital in case of an emergency?
My first birth was textbook until delivery. My daughter was born with collapsed lungs and could not breathe at all when she was born. It happened during the birthing process. We had no way of knowing or preventing it. I was soooooo happy that we were at the hospital so she could get immediate emergency attention or we would have lost her.
Just keep in mind that your birth isn’t so much about what you want. It’s about what is best and safest for you AND baby.
As long as you take everything into consideration and have a very good emergency plan you should be ok.
ReedusStalker
by 11-15/3-27 on Jan. 16, 2018 at 12:40 PM
Thats great!!

Quoting Anonymous 49:

That's cool. It still exists on the thread for OP and other people reading who get this kind of illogical nonsense in their lives. 

Quoting ReedusStalker: Yeah i dont care and im not going to read all this. I dont care enough, sorry lol

Quoting Bellarose0212:

I'm really not sure why any of that gets conflated with planning for a homebirth. Whether planning to birth inside or outside of a hospital, I'm pretty sure most first time moms know that birth can be messy and unpredictable. Should all women just go in without any research or opinions about their own birth just expecting it will be a horrible emergency where none of that matters? I don't know if I want freedom of movement or pitocin or an epidural because I just assumed I would have an emergency cesarean? That would be kind of weird as it can definitely go the other way. 

I had two out of hospital births (one birth center, one homebirth). I knew hospital transfer was a possibility and honestly most of my birth plan was for that. The emergency situation where I would need the people close to me to communicate to hospital staff. And it was short and pictorial. At home the plan involved things my midwife needed to know like about cord clamping and cord blood. But none of it was about everything being a magical fairytale. It was always going to be birth, which is messy and most of the time painful (some people do have pain free births, not me but that is awesome when it happens). Both of my births were pretty textbook though. And none of my research or planning or preparing was for naught. If I had had an emergency transfer, there would have been no changing that and the birth tub would have been pointless, but obviously it can go the other way and I did use it. 

Quoting ReedusStalker:

So so true lol  How many first moms are like, " I'm going to give birth with angels playing the harp in the back ground. I will need no pain meds because I will soar above the pain!  My baby will enter the world to harp music and ahhs.  There will be no blood, no mess, I will no piss or shit in the bed.  Heavenly wind will blow my hair back in a way that makes it look beautiful and I will wear a white, flowing gown."

Meanwhile, the rest us are laughing going, sure thing, honey, sure thing.  LOL

Quoting Anonymous 6: I don't mean this is a mean way, but like your own wedding no one truly cares how you give birth to your baby (save your husband).

They may talk about it with you. They may debate it with you. But they don't care. And once you have your baby you won't care either. It truly won't be that big of a deal.

Home birth or not, you go into labor. And if things go smoothly after a few hours of pain the baby pops out. If you're at a hospital you wait around for 24 hours. If your at home your at home.

So do whatever YOU want.

I think what "experienced" moms are talking to is some first time mothers have this long drug out birth plan that never happens. Once your in labor and it feels like the movie Alien with something try to rip out of your body suddenly you don't give a fuck about lavender lip balm and ice chips.

SitaStJames
by *Sita* on Jan. 16, 2018 at 4:56 PM

  Home births sound super cool and part of the crunchy mom thing. However, when you personally know mothers who have had their baby born with the cord wrapped around their necks or pooped while in utero or baby was having late decels so therefore needed an emergency csection or like me where my iron level was down to a 5.2 so wasn't allowed to give birth until I had three blood transfusions...that is when you hear home birth it sounds very dangerous and risky because you just never know how it could turn out and that waiting on the ambulance and then being transported to the hospital is what decides if you or your baby lives or if you both die due to unexpected complications. Women back in the olden days, before hospitals were in existance, died during childbirth. Midwives today can only legally do so much before they have to make that call and have you transported to a hospital or end their services with you because you became high risk and therefore birthing at home isn't an option. So you need to look at the whole picture and not hold too tightly to your birth plan because sometimes that birthing plan does not always go the way you want it to. 

Seychelles1409
by Member on Jan. 17, 2018 at 9:55 AM
I don't think they mean disrespect or harm; l think they are only concerned for your and the baby's welfare should something go wrong. They are being cautious. You should appreciate their concern.
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