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I can't help it I'm resentful update

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 101 Replies
My husband and I agreed that when I finished nursing school we would move back to my hometown where all of my family live. I finished nursing school 2 years ago like 2 months before I finished nursing school my father-in-law died. My mother-in-law has not been able to live on her own for some years but my father-in-law was able to take care of her. Obviously once he died that was not a possibility. My husband my sister-in-law and I sat down to decide what what happened. We all agreed that it didn't make sense for her to move in with one of us because we all work. That would mean somebody would have to give up their job to take care of her or my husband and I would have to work opposite shifts from each other which we didn't want to do. We also considered hiring outside help, insurance would help pay for it but it would actually be more expensive than having her in an assisted living home. Which I don't understand. Plus if the help we hired had to call out sick for whatever reason somebody would have to stay home from work to take care of her. Also my mother-in-law can be quite difficult and we thought that she would find it hard in the long-term living in another woman's house by another woman's rules rather than what she's used to. At least at the Assisted Living she gets her own room that she can decorate and have the way she wants.

At first my mother-in-law opposed moving to assisted living but she seems okay with it now. The problem is that my husband Now does not want to leave the area with his mother being an assisted living. He said we wouldn't be able to visit often. But I don't really understand that. We weren't going to be able to visit often when we moved away anyway what difference does it make that she's an assisted living or in her own house? He also doesn't want to move her with us because obviously my sister-in-law doesn't want that and it's not fair on her since she visits her just as often as we do.

I know it may not exactly be fair but I'm angry. I'm resentful. We had planned this for years. I was counting down to be with my family. My younger sister is getting married in the summer. I should be there to help her plan her wedding. I should get to be there for more than the weekend I'm probably not even going to be able to be at her shower which by all right I should be throwing. I hate the fact that I'm her matron of honor and basically all I'm able to do is show up for the wedding and the rehearsal dinner. I hate that my brother and sister-in-law just had my niece my beautiful niece, She is 4 months old and I've only got to come home to see her once and I probably won't get to see her again till the summer. I feel like I'm missing everything. I'll just stay in an area where I have a few close friends but the only family or my sister-in-law and my mother. I have no real help with the kids like I would if we moved home. My husband had to work on Christmas and me and the kids sat home alone on Christmas. Couldn't even visit my mother-in-law because there was a nasty cold going around the nursing home and I don't like for the kids to risk getting it. I love my husband but I just feel like if I'm there. This is the agreement we made and I don't think it's right but he's backing out of it now. I'm seriously considering giving my husband or not too many of them. I don't want to get divorced and I'm not willing to get divorced over this but I do think I'm going to put my foot down and tell him that we need to move this is an agreement he made and it's not fair for him to demand we change it. I think I've been reasonable and understanding waiting two extra years.

Update

I spoke with my husband last night. I waited until the kids were in bed and we could sit down and talk just the two of us. I just laid it out on the table for him. I told him that we made an agreement and I've given him an extra two years because of his father dying but I'm not okay with waiting any longer. It's not fair and he's not honoring his word to me. I showed him several houses that are for sale and one neighborhood that is actually currently building houses that we could easily afford that are much nicer than where we live. I told him that I've already started applying for jobs as a nurse. He asked if I was threatening to leave him, I said no because I expect him to honor his word and move with us. He Took a minute and told me that I was right. That he realize that he had been unfair to me. He said that obviously he feels bad for leaving his mom now that she doesn't have his dad but it's not fair to expect me to give up moving back home which was always the plan.

We are planning on moving back in June! We called the building company that's building in that neighborhood that I showed him and discussed building a house which would absolutely be a possibility. There are several that will be done in June and we can even pick a lot of things like the cabinet countertops Etc ourselves. My husband is currently applying to several companies in my hometown and feels pretty confident that he will get a job easily.

He's going to go tell his mom this afternoon. I don't expect her to be over-the-moon thrilled but she know about the agreement so she had to do this was coming. I am so excited. I just called my mom and she's over the moon. I am so happy. My husband told me that he was very grateful that I waited as long as I did and thought that he's very lucky that I've been so patient
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:16 PM
1 mom liked this
Bump
Tracylynn100
by Silver Member on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:19 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with you


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:20 PM
1 mom liked this
Thank you. It's nice to know that at least not everybody thinks I'm being unreasonable.

Quoting Tracylynn100:

I agree with you

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:22 PM
Maybe consider living separately for a while?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:24 PM
I won't do that. And the fact is if my husband would choose living close to his mom over living with his wife and children then my marriage is in trouble. It's not like this is a short-term thing where the woman is expected to die any day. She's an assisted living. She's only in her early sixties she could live another 20 years

Quoting Anonymous 2: Maybe consider living separately for a while?
Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:26 PM
3 moms liked this
Start looking for apartments or houses and a job in your home town. Tell DH you expect him to honor the agreement you made.....
Keep us updated
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:28 PM
Well, then you're stuck. Unless you can get him to change his mind.. he probably feels guilty for leaving her. Find a way to assure him he can visit once or twice a month, explain how unhappy you are, but prepare yourself to lose the argument. What if you could visit your home state once a month? Would that help? Find a compromise.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I won't do that. And the fact is if my husband would choose living close to his mom over living with his wife and children then my marriage is in trouble. It's not like this is a short-term thing where the woman is expected to die any day. She's an assisted living. She's only in her early sixties she could live another 20 years

Quoting Anonymous 2: Maybe consider living separately for a while?
britney678
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:28 PM
How often does he visit her now?
quinnsmom715
by Ruby Member on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:30 PM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:32 PM
You're right. He should honor the agreement that he made with you.
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