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Loving the second as much as the first...

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:34 PM
  • 43 Replies
I know this is always a second time mom concern but how many second time mom's have had 8.5 years with ONLY their first child before getting pregnant with the second? I see all these blogs about women feeling this way then the baby is born and they instantly love them equally... Which is encouraging until I read that their oldest is always between 1 and 3 years old. Mine will be 9 when his sibling is born. I feel so guilty for feeling this way but I legitimately cannot see how I will love this one as much as him. I've wanted this baby for years but as years went by, I started to think my only would actually be my only and that made me love him even more than I thought possible.
by on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:37 PM
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i could never connect with my kids until they were born
Pisces_Mom89
by Gold Member on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:37 PM
1 mom liked this

My husband is 8 years apart from his brother. His parents love them bother equally. However my husband does  say they may have been better parents to his brother than him. To be fair my MIL was 17  when she had my husband with my fil who was 19. I think they were just more ready to be parents when Bil came along. Apparently my MIL was very surprised and happy to find out she pregnant with BIL.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:38 PM
1 mom liked this
I didn't love my first at the beginning. He taught me what love was. He helped me grow and learn.
My second was love at the start. I have an 8 year gap. I can say I love my kids the same.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:39 PM
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My baby is 6mo and my daughter is almost 10. I worried about this SO much. But I didn't need too. I love ds so much just as much as dd.
Ginger0104
by Ruby Member on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:40 PM
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My mom had all 3 of us very spread out.  She loves us all.  Naturally being the youngest and the only girl I'm loved the most though.

My oldest brother is 15 years older than I am, the next brother is 7 years older, and then there's me. 

Roo1234
by Platinum Member on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:40 PM
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You will love the children with equal passion, but in entirely different ways.  The best thing you can do for yourself, and everyone else, is to not compare them.

Saphira1207
by Platinum Member on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:41 PM
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You'll love them equally but in different ways and for different reasons.


jcpeters0320
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:41 PM
I worry about that too 😥
I was 19 when I had my son and divorced his father at age 22. He hasn't seen his dad on years because he chose heroin over his son. My entire family is thrilled about this baby but they were disappointed when I was pregnant with my son. Even though he's now the little golden child that everyone loves and spoils, I feel guilty.

Quoting Pisces_Mom89:

My husband is 8 years apart from his brother. His parents love them bother equally. However my husband does  say they may have been better parents to his brother than him. To be fair my MIL was 17  when she had my husband with my fil who was 19. I think they were just more ready to be parents when Bil came along. Apparently my MIL was very surprised and happy to find out she pregnant with BIL.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:43 PM
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My kids are 7 years apart. I remember telling my sister the same thing, but of course, I love the younger one just as much. You're thinking in logical terms, like you've had all this extra time to bond with your oldest, but love often isn't logical. I obviously can't gaurantee anything, but I wouldn't worry, the blogs in this case are right on the money.
LadyGigi
by Platinum Member on Jan. 15, 2018 at 1:43 PM
My nephews are 13 years apart. My sister (their mother) feels silly for ever having any such thoughts.

Just wait and see. If bonding does seem to be a problem AFTER the baby is here, talk to your doctor.
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