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I don't want my daughter to be her friend...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 61 Replies

So last week my daughter comes to me and tells me about a girl she was friends with but is now having issues with. She told me the girl has problems, and has been hospitalized in the past. She showed me her text messages and there's a few dozen of the girl saying she's going to hurt herself and kill herself if my daughter doesn't talk to her and that my daughter must hate her and doesn't understand why my daughter won't talk to her. My daughter clearly said in a few of the texts that she doesn't hate her, that she's too busy to talk at the moment (she was eating dinner at her boyfriend's house). Then my daughter told me that this girl is very disliked because she's constantly making things up and spreading rumors. Last year she told everyone she was raped, and that the boy was my daughter's boyfriend (this was before they were together), and didn't admit she was lying until her mom told her she was bringing her to the police to file a report and to the hospital for an exam. 

To then top things off the girl's mother starts texting my daughter, and calling her. She called her to tell her that her boyfriend was a piece of shit and kept demanding for her to put him on the phone. My daughter said no, that she could talk to her boyfriend's grandmother (she has custody) if she had a problem and to stop calling her. Then the next day called her and told her she was a bully and was blocking her number. Later that night the girl called and told my daughter she was a bitch and was calling the cops on her but wouldn't say for what when my daughter asked because she hadn't done anything illegal.

Finally, yesterday, my daughter asks if she can go to her house to hang out....um, no. My daughter says they both apologized to each other and agreed to forget it. I still said no. This was the third time, according to my daughter, that they've gotten into fights like this and the girl is clearly unstable and it's giving my daughter anxiety and she already has anxiety issues. I've had toxic friendships when I was a teen, and this just seems like it's going to be one for her. I don't know if I should keep telling her no or let her learn on her own, since she seems so set on still being her friend. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 16, 2018 at 4:32 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 16, 2018 at 4:41 AM

how old are the 2 girls???  and yeah, I would not allow my DD to be anywhere near the other girl

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 16, 2018 at 4:45 AM

My daughter is 14, the other girl is 13. 

Quoting Anonymous 2:

how old are the 2 girls???  and yeah, I would not allow my DD to be anywhere near the other girl


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 16, 2018 at 4:49 AM
3 moms liked this

I would put a total ban on the "friendship"   

Quoting Anonymous 1:

My daughter is 14, the other girl is 13. 

Quoting Anonymous 2:

how old are the 2 girls???  and yeah, I would not allow my DD to be anywhere near the other girl



Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 16, 2018 at 4:50 AM
2 moms liked this


Quoting Anonymous 1:

My daughter is 14, the other girl is 13. 

Quoting Anonymous 2:

how old are the 2 girls???  and yeah, I would not allow my DD to be anywhere near the other girl


14 is too young to have a boyfriend.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 16, 2018 at 4:59 AM

That's your opinion, and I didn't ask about that. 

Quoting Anonymous 3:


Quoting Anonymous 1:

My daughter is 14, the other girl is 13. 

Quoting Anonymous 2:

how old are the 2 girls???  and yeah, I would not allow my DD to be anywhere near the other girl


14 is too young to have a boyfriend.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 16, 2018 at 5:07 AM
1 mom liked this

I would not allow my DD hang out with that girl either.  You may not be able to control what happens with their friendship st school but you can control outside of school.  Sounds like both the girl and her Mom like drama and your DD needs to have no part of that.  And I would block their numbers on her phone - you are paying for it so you can have say who she can talk to on it.  And pass along to your DD that the next time you hear that this girl threatens suicide, you will be contacting the school and the police.  Either this girl will get the help she needs or she will learn a serious lesson that making empty suicidoal threats is no joke.

Good luck.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 16, 2018 at 5:19 AM

Thanks. My daughter was the one who suggested calling the police, but then the girl would send an apology and my daughter begged me not to call. My daughter wanted me to call because she felt harassed, but I told her if she starts sending texts about hurting herself I would call the police for that but she's worried about pissing off the girl's mom. I told her it's not her responsibility to worry about how the mom feels, that her mom still needs to get her more help if she's still talking about it and using it to manipulate her "friends". My first thought was to call the school but my kids told me she doesn't go to school anymore, they said they think the girl's mom pulled her out after she went to the hospital so I asked them if she was in a different school and they said all they know is that she studies at the library so maybe her folks are homeschooling her now, I don't really know. 

Quoting Anonymous 4:

I would not allow my DD hang out with that girl either.  You may not be able to control what happens with their friendship st school but you can control outside of school.  Sounds like both the girl and her Mom like drama and your DD needs to have no part of that.  And I would block their numbers on her phone - you are paying for it so you can have say who she can talk to on it.  And pass along to your DD that the next time you hear that this girl threatens suicide, you will be contacting the school and the police.  Either this girl will get the help she needs or she will learn a serious lesson that making empty suicidoal threats is no joke.

Good luck.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 16, 2018 at 5:29 AM
1 mom liked this

Yes, definetly do not worry about “hurting” that Mom’s feelings.  You mentioned in an earlier post that the Mom was calling your DD’s phone because she was having an issue with your DD’s boyfriend.  Why is an adult going through a child to try and resolve an issue between her child and another child?!?  That tells you she is nuts.  Add on the DD making manipulative threats and false rape accusations.....just keep your DD as far away as you can from this family.  They are nothing but trouble.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

Thanks. My daughter was the one who suggested calling the police, but then the girl would send an apology and my daughter begged me not to call. My daughter wanted me to call because she felt harassed, but I told her if she starts sending texts about hurting herself I would call the police for that but she's worried about pissing off the girl's mom. I told her it's not her responsibility to worry about how the mom feels, that her mom still needs to get her more help if she's still talking about it and using it to manipulate her "friends". My first thought was to call the school but my kids told me she doesn't go to school anymore, they said they think the girl's mom pulled her out after she went to the hospital so I asked them if she was in a different school and they said all they know is that she studies at the library so maybe her folks are homeschooling her now, I don't really know. 

Quoting Anonymous 4:

I would not allow my DD hang out with that girl either.  You may not be able to control what happens with their friendship st school but you can control outside of school.  Sounds like both the girl and her Mom like drama and your DD needs to have no part of that.  And I would block their numbers on her phone - you are paying for it so you can have say who she can talk to on it.  And pass along to your DD that the next time you hear that this girl threatens suicide, you will be contacting the school and the police.  Either this girl will get the help she needs or she will learn a serious lesson that making empty suicidoal threats is no joke.

Good luck.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 16, 2018 at 5:34 AM
Yep. Total ban on the friendship. If the mom calls tell her you'll press harassment charges and that if there are anymore threats of suicide you'll report it to the police.

Then you need to some how help your daughter understand what an unhealthy friendship this is.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Jan. 16, 2018 at 5:40 AM

my friend is a phyc doctor and she says this. Don't give a child a cell phone at night. So I would take her cell away when she is off to bed and block this other child from facebook, cell etc. Inform the school there is  a bullying issue and then move on

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