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today could be life changing .... I'm nervous (update in 1st reply)

Posted by on Jan. 17, 2018 at 8:16 AM
  • 246 Replies
3 moms liked this

baby is supposed to be coming home with my today. 

as long as CPS follows through with what was agreed on yesterday, that is.

i am so nervous. i wasn't expecting this, this was not a part of my 2018 plans.

i was just going to be the cool aunty who babysits sometimes.

now a baby is supposed to be coming home with me, and i dont know if it will be temp or if they will want me to keep him long term....

i have a lot of mixed emotions about this, but the #1 is an immense sense of protectivness for this little guy

ive only had a day and a night to process this. 

and yes, im ready for him, while sister was getting her csection i went and got carseat and baby stuff - thinking she would need it.

i am worried that today CPS will tell us they have changed their mind and baby will go to a foster home, as sister has signed custody of baby over to CPS, so they are the ones in charge. 

its nervewracking, i will find out if hes coming home with me for sure after my crim class today.

**deep breath**

everything will be ok. 

by on Jan. 17, 2018 at 8:16 AM
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Mrs.ChuckBass
by Platinum Member on Jan. 17, 2018 at 10:41 PM

its featured, huh look at that.

ok so i will update here;

1) when my moms husband had the siezure which derailed all of the initial plans, i volunteered to help for a few days or a week.

2) over the space of 48 hrs, it went from a few days, to a few weeks, to 6 months, to hem talking about 18 months, and eventually permanence. at my house. this was all pretty much pushed on me, and the length of time i was to keep baby kept changing, to longer and longer

3) the whole time my sister has been pregnant, they have led her on to believe she would be able to go to moms with her baby and be a mom to her baby - this was all bullshit, they even sent her to moma baby classes, ect, the whole time social services knew that the ministry of social services would not allow this, they also led my mom on to believe this was possible.

4) two days after my sister gave birth, my stepdad had a massive siezure and possible stroke; at this time the minsitry is usinng this as an excuse not to allow my sister and baby to return to my moms, but the real reason (they told me) is because my mom keeps saying that sister can watch baby while she does chores and what a great mom sister will be - ignoring and refusing to acknowledge that my siserhas a brain injury and ental health issues which include schizophrenia, they do not want her alone with baby or acting as a parent at all

5) my sister, right before giving birth, FINALLY got a spot in a group home - something my family has been fighting for for years, and it is only because of the circumstances, if she doesn't return to the group home, she will lose her place and good fucking luck getting her in again. - my mom refuses to consider this may be the best option, she asked me "and which one of your kids would YOU throw away?!" she refuses to acknowledge my sisters needs or the realities of the severity of her mental health/brain injury issues she literally thinks this baby will magically cure my sister, this is a huge issue for social services

6) as for myself; i have never planned on taking this baby, the emergant situation whith my stepdad being in hospital and the fact that moms house wasn't ready, led me to offer my home FOR A WEEK OR TWO, i have a life, and i have goals, and this baby, being in my home permanently, completely derails my life. completely. 

7) to the extent that they even expected me to cancel my sons dad, my hubby's trip, here to sask. which has been planned for months, the lengths he had to go to get time off...hahaha.....no. this is fucking bullshit, derail my life AND my relationship? ahahaha....i didnt ask for this, i just offered my home for a few WEEKS and now i am RAISING this child in the space of less than 72 hrs?! uhm....

8) my momma instincts want to bring this baby home, i want to protect him and make sure nothing bad happens to him, and to be honest, i have been yanked around by social services so much in the past few days, i am at the point where i am no longer willing to jump through these hoops, there is no way in fuck i am telling SO we have to cancel our life basically, no fuck no. thats too fucking far. this is not my baby to fight for in the first place, and this asking way to much. i want to finish school, i HAVE plans and im achieving my goals, after a lifetime of putting everyone else first i am doinng this for me, for my kids, i am not quitting to take care of a baby i didnt make this is not fair

9) this baby, bless his beautiful little heart, needs to be put up for adoption, and thats just all there is to it. anyone of us (family) who takes baby will have our lives drastically changed in the space of seconds, minutes, and the baby in itself is a huge change; my sister, is the problem. because mom INSISTS hat she will be a "a great little mother" and no matter who takes him, SHES the mom, you are just....who he lives with. and SHE is CHAOS. utter fucking chaos.

10) who gets the next baby? because there will be another baby. without a doubt. when exactly WOULD IT be ethical to tie her tubes and prevent this from happening again a year from now? how many babies will be dropped on my doorstep? this needs to stop right now, this needs to be dealt with before she even leaves the hospital

11) she does not want to be on this earth and is very pissed off that her initial attempt to die didn't end her life, and she is very vocal about how much she wants to die, and she ALWAYS wants to kill herself, having a baby to take care of which mentally not capable of caring for, and havihng that expecattion on her while she watches one of s raise her baby that she was led to believe she could keep? yeah that will make her want to kill herself too. so will being stuck out on that farm in the middle of no where, with no access to any social programs or resurces which may be beneficial to her or a peer group to provide social interaction, you know who she will be making freinds with? guys off tinder >>>> another pregnancy



long story short i am washing my hands of this situation, i am advocating for this baby to be placed in a closed adoption and i refuse to have my life (which i have worked really fucking hard for) be completely derailed in the process of catering to this insanity

and good fucking god - my stepdad - he will not fucking survive this shit, he is in a bad fucking way, and mom is DELUSIONAL, about her idea of how having stepdad, sister and a baby who wakes up 3x a night in the house, delusional about sisters capacity to be a parent, and momsability to actual not lose her sanity in the process. 

I WANT TO MOVE. AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE. I WANT PEACE IN MY LIFE, I WANT SANITY AND TO BE ABLE TO HAVE A FUCKING CAREER. BECAUSE I HAVE WORKED SO FUCKING HARD TO GET HERE AND I DID NOT MAKE THIS BABY (hes adorable, just a tiny little adorable baby and he didnt ask for this shit) AND THIS IS NOT MY RESPONSABILITY. 


i fucking bawled my eyes out coming to this conclusion, i know i sound like a bitch but someone has to be realistic here. i am going to go take a bath and just cry, because my mom hates me right now, and i cant do this, even though i wish i could, this is not my baby. someonne out there is waiting for a phone call, and they will be overjoyed, and they will love this baby and his life will not be chaos.  and this is what needs to happen.

and now i am crying again....i need a bubbly bath and bed, but how can i sleep? my life was so simple just four days ago......and oh by the way? social services could not ...what did they say; they could only start making a plan for baby AFTER he was born, so for the last 8 months she has been in the psychiatric center, these mother fuckers, have been just waiting and doing nothing instead of usinng that time to make an action plan for when baby is born. 

and they NEVER intended to let momhave baby and sister under the same roof, they led her on they led BOTH of them on, which is just CRUEL and has created a total crisis, and even if my stepdad hadn't had a medical emergancy, we would be facing the same problem, but they are using that as kind of a scapegoat/excuse behind their reasoning, they tell me one thihng and tell mom something else. 

this whole situation is just awful.

i know i will be torn apart for not taking baby on for the rest of his life. 

but this is not my role to play. this is not my baby.

Mrs.ChuckBass
by Platinum Member on Jan. 17, 2018 at 8:17 AM

i gotta get dressed, agh, i am a ball of nervous energy right now

Buppy21
by Ninja on Jan. 17, 2018 at 8:17 AM
Good luck with everything.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 17, 2018 at 8:18 AM
1 mom liked this
Back story?
jcm3
by Gold Member on Jan. 17, 2018 at 8:19 AM
How long do you have before you get the baby?

Quoting Mrs.ChuckBass:

i gotta get dressed, agh, i am a ball of nervous energy right now

Twinklesthecat
by Gold Member on Jan. 17, 2018 at 8:20 AM
Aww that sucks why'd they make her sgin over custody if your mom was there guardian?? hopefully he is placed with you and cas doesn't change thier minds
mama_danetta
by She's so heavy on Jan. 17, 2018 at 8:21 AM
Backstory?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 17, 2018 at 8:23 AM
1 mom liked this
Good luck! You got this!
ReedusStalker
by 11-15/3-27 on Jan. 17, 2018 at 8:23 AM

Does this little guy have a name?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 17, 2018 at 8:23 AM
Why did your sister sign over the baby?
Good luck today.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 17, 2018 at 8:25 AM
Good luck
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