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Am I wrong for telling the truth?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies

Long story short, my ex is an alcoholic and verbally, emotionally, mentally abusive. Since I left he's gone batshit crazy, harasses me, threatens me, harasses my parents etc.

Generally just being a total nuisance and aggravating us all. (We've documented everything and have multiple police reports, he's also spent 4 months in jail for assaulting me, etc)

So my question is, I don't lie to my 12 year old about any of it. He saw what happened between me and my ex-husband (his dad) he saw and felt the mental and emotional abuse, I've actually had to pull my ex off of DS a time or two also. It's not like DS was unaware of any of this, he knew, he was there. My DS told me years ago I married the wrong man (I wish I had listened).

Anyway, I tell him the truth if he asks, I don't complain to him or anything, just tell him the truth. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong.

So you tell me, Am I wrong for telling DS the truth about what's really going on with his dad?


Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 18, 2018 at 6:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 18, 2018 at 6:59 PM
I don’t think I would lie, but I would probably shield him a little bit.
SAHMJC
by Emerald Member on Jan. 18, 2018 at 7:10 PM
1 mom liked this
At this point there's no point in even trying to lie. He was there for it. You lying might just make it so he doesn't trust you
Talkingheads
by Emerald Member on Jan. 18, 2018 at 7:14 PM
Nope
daisy102601
by Member on Jan. 18, 2018 at 7:17 PM
1 mom liked this
How can she shield him from what he already knows about firsthand?

Quoting Anonymous 2: I don’t think I would lie, but I would probably shield him a little bit.
VegetaPrincess
by Ruby Member on Jan. 18, 2018 at 7:19 PM

I don't think you're wrong. I wouldn't lie. I've seen people really hurt by finding out things like this years later as adults. I think it's disrespectful to lie to the child if they ask a question and you can give them an honest, age appropriate answer.

They usually know anyways and then resent the other parent for acting like they were too stupid to ever figure it out. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 18, 2018 at 7:20 PM
If he already knows, then why is he asking? I just don’t think it needs to be rehashes and elaborated and explained, even if he asks about it.

Quoting daisy102601: How can she shield him from what he already knows about firsthand?

Quoting Anonymous 2: I don’t think I would lie, but I would probably shield him a little bit.
daisy102601
by Member on Jan. 18, 2018 at 7:24 PM
So what should she say when he comes to his mom to discuss the abuse he's been subjected to? Do you really think it's healthy to avoid the subject when he obviously feels the need to discuss it?

Quoting Anonymous 2: If he already knows, then why is he asking? I just don’t think it needs to be rehashes and elaborated and explained, even if he asks about it.

Quoting daisy102601: How can she shield him from what he already knows about firsthand?

Quoting Anonymous 2: I don’t think I would lie, but I would probably shield him a little bit.
MrsDavidB25
by Stacey on Jan. 18, 2018 at 7:26 PM

If he knows then what is he asking?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 18, 2018 at 7:27 PM
You're better off just being upfront. A 12 year old can handle that type of info. Plus they saw it firsthand.
Willow_Phoenix
by Silver Member on Jan. 18, 2018 at 7:31 PM

I would do my best to be matter of fact and tell kiddo he needs to choose hwo he feels about it all for himself.

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