Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

“She’s feeling like the middle child”

Posted by on Jan. 20, 2018 at 6:59 AM
  • 59 Replies
So my 8 year dd is, in fact the middle child. Her older sis will be 10 next week and her baby sister just turned 1.
Her behavior has been less then ideal for the last couple of months. She’s been getting in trouble for driving her older sis nuts. Our oldest is very introverted. She’s a bookworm, techy kid that prefers to keep to herself. Middle dd is extroverted and wants constant interaction so she drives her older dd to the point of insanity. We have to tell her all the time to leave her alone.
Also, we are constantly on her to stop being ridiculously loud and wild when she’s playing. No lie, she was playing and set off the alarm system in my parents’ house and the police showed up. She has set off the broken window alarms multiple times also from screaming. And not from tantrums...just playing.
As expected, we have come down hard on her for all this. We are not tolerating pure wildness. This resulted in an emotional breakdown on her part. We came down hard on her for yelling and screaming in the car at her sister. When we reached our destination which was my parents’ house, she was emotional from Dh and I having been upset with her. My step dad took her in his office to try to talk to her. She came out composed and he told us that she’s feeling like the middle child. Her older sister doesn’t play with her and she’s not the baby anymore.

Anyone else deal with this? I know it’s not uncommon but I want to help her feel important and loved without condoning bad behavior.
by on Jan. 20, 2018 at 6:59 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 20, 2018 at 7:02 AM
You just described my middle dd. She's 16 now and to a degree some of this never goes away. Spend one on one time with her. Praise her achievements and acknowledge her differences. Let her know she is loved. The sane thing we do with all of our kids but I've found that middle dd needs constant reassurance and praise. My middle dd is very extroverted as well. It's very difficult for all of us since absolutely no one else is. Good luck
januaryqueen
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2018 at 7:09 AM
We try to give her plenty of opportunity to be herself. She plays ball, does gymnastics, and cheer. And she can play outside and be as wild as she’d like. We try to give outlets but it’s like she refuses to ever cut it off.

Quoting Anonymous 1: You just described my middle dd. She's 16 now and to a degree some of this never goes away. Spend one on one time with her. Praise her achievements and acknowledge her differences. Let her know she is loved. The sane thing we do with all of our kids but I've found that middle dd needs constant reassurance and praise. My middle dd is very extroverted as well. It's very difficult for all of us since absolutely no one else is. Good luck
januaryqueen
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2018 at 7:41 AM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 20, 2018 at 7:46 AM
2 moms liked this
Sounds like you need to find a better balance in how you react to your child. The oldest gets the understanding because she’s a hermit and the baby of course gets all the attention because it’s a baby.

Your middle child is left acting out for any type of attention and of course is getting all negative.

I’d suggest finding a time daily to sit down and focus on her. She needs the reinforcement that she’s still a priority to you.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 20, 2018 at 7:47 AM
It sounds like "attention seeking" behavior. I would try being over the top with praise etc when she is doing what you want like playing quietly etc. and being specific with telling her what you want her to do not just telling her what not to do and praise her when she does it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 20, 2018 at 7:51 AM
1 mom liked this
Being the middle sucks. Sometimes any attention is attention, even if it’s being yelled at. I understand ODS is an introvert. But doea she always get her way? If the minute middle DS does something that her sister perceives as “annoying” are you telling middle child to be quiet or be nice? Don’t jump to conclusions that she is always the one at fault.
januaryqueen
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2018 at 7:54 AM
She’s given all manner of opportunity to be herself. She’s a high energy child so she does gymnastics, cheer and basketball. We’ve stressed to her that we want her to be herself but she must also have self control. She doesn’t lack attention at all, especially since our oldest prefers to be left alone.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Sounds like you need to find a better balance in how you react to your child. The oldest gets the understanding because she’s a hermit and the baby of course gets all the attention because it’s a baby.

Your middle child is left acting out for any type of attention and of course is getting all negative.

I’d suggest finding a time daily to sit down and focus on her. She needs the reinforcement that she’s still a priority to you.
januaryqueen
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2018 at 8:04 AM
She is told to leave her sister alone. Her sister doesn’t bother anyone. If we don’t stop her, she torment her and it will turn into a fight.
We actually used to think her older sister was at fault. Then we caught on that she was tormenting her and driving her nuts. Our oldest would take it and take it and take it and then get in trouble when she finally retaliated.


Quoting Anonymous 4: Being the middle sucks. Sometimes any attention is attention, even if it’s being yelled at. I understand ODS is an introvert. But doea she always get her way? If the minute middle DS does something that her sister perceives as “annoying” are you telling middle child to be quiet or be nice? Don’t jump to conclusions that she is always the one at fault.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 20, 2018 at 8:06 AM
2 moms liked this
Sounds like she is also seeking attention from her older sibling. Our 2 boys are similar - oldest wants alone/quiet time and youngest wants to play. It took a few discussions where they both found a compromise - oldest will play for specific amount of time and youngest will not bother him other times. It's hard and takes work but was necessary for them both to respect each other's needs and differences.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 20, 2018 at 8:06 AM
Maybe she doesn't want attention from her parents but her sister?
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)