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Medicating the kid behind dad's back?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
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My son having lots of problems in school. I talked to his pediatrician and he referred me to a behavior therapist and a psychologist in November. Those appointments aren't until next month.

We had a follow up with the pediatrician today. When he saw the paper work from the school he got more concerned. He said the behavior isn't just typical ADHD. But he does also have classic ADHD symptoms. So he wants him to start meds now so when he gets evaluated next month they can focus on the more serious problems.

My husband has been against even taking him to the doctor. He wouldn't go with me to the appointment and won't come to the school for a conference. He doesn't want our child labeled and doesn't think he needs medicine.

So I am going to get the meds and when he sees how much better things are gen I will tell him. I think it's the best way to convince him it's a good idea. I told my coworkers are they were pretty shocked. One said " I just don't understand the dynamics of your marriage." I thought that was pretty rude.

Do you think it's that big of a deal to wait and tell him to prove a point?
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 20, 2018 at 8:50 AM
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Replies (1-10):
SueWanda
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2018 at 8:52 AM
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If you’re that convinced- be convincing and open with your husband. Hiding and lying is a terrible idea.
angelachristine
by Ruby Member on Jan. 20, 2018 at 8:52 AM
5 moms liked this
Yeah it is a big deal. He's going to be madder that you lied to him and it's going to blow up in your face but good luck with that. Lol
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 20, 2018 at 8:53 AM
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My dd didn’t speak when she was little, when she tried it came out as babble that only I could understand. No one else knew what she was saying, not even dh. Even then he refused to take her to a speech therapist.

I went behind his back and when she was put in a class and started to make progress I told him. He wasn’t mad, he saw that I was helping our child and he got over it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 20, 2018 at 8:54 AM
I'm not really that convinced I guess. I think he'll eventually grow out of it. But he's going to kicked of school if something doesn't change. I figure putting on meds will show the school I'm trying.

Quoting SueWanda: If you’re that convinced- be convincing and open with your husband. Hiding and lying is a terrible idea.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 20, 2018 at 8:54 AM
10 moms liked this
Idk. I flat out told my ex I'm trying medication. You have a problem with that feel free to attend a school meeting or come with me to the doctor. Since he didn't want to do that he stfu although he didn't like the idea. I didn't care though. If you leave the burden all to me you don't get to tell me what you do about it. Now you're married so Idk if that approach will work for you.
I'm editing to say I'd also talk to the school about an IEP and testing. I'd also really have a psychiatrist do the meds prescribing.
mommytoeandb
by Ruby Member on Jan. 20, 2018 at 8:56 AM
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Yes, it is a big deal. A huge deal.

I would tell my husband DS is trying the med. If he didn't like it, I would invite him to the follow up appointment.

He's shirking any responsibility by not going to the appointments and conferences.
mjande4
by Gold Member on Jan. 20, 2018 at 8:57 AM

Marriage is a partnership, and although you think you are doing the right thing for your child, it's his child too which could seriously backfire on your marriage. I would recommend evaluating the state of your marriage if you think you can't be honest with your husband.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 20, 2018 at 8:59 AM
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What medication? Also, why is the pediatrician assuming that there is something more serious going on?

goldpandora
by Ruby Member on Jan. 20, 2018 at 9:00 AM
9 moms liked this

I wouldn't go about it like that ...

It's time you laid the cards on the table. A long conversation is well overdue with you husband. He needs to be told that sticking his head in the sand won't change a thing for your son ... except deprive him of the care he needs. Tell him that his fear of "labels" is a purely selfish thing and that he just cannot bear people thinking he has a child who is a little different. He needs to wake up and realize that pretending everything is peachy is a pretty puerile way of dealing with things.

First off, he doesn't get a say in what kind of treatment your son gets unless he actively participates in the decision  with the doctor/therapist/specialist. How can he possibly make an informed decision if he refuses to even be involved? Let him know that, from this point on, you will make the decisions and inform him of them until he pulls his socks up and behaves like the responsible parent that your son NEEDS. 

Your dh really should grow up and face reality and your son shouldn't have to face difficulties just because he won't.

SueWanda
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2018 at 9:01 AM
3 moms liked this
You’re willing to put your child on stimulants you don’t believe he needs just to prove a point to the school?

Quoting Anonymous 1: I'm not really that convinced I guess. I think he'll eventually grow out of it. But he's going to kicked of school if something doesn't change. I figure putting on meds will show the school I'm trying.
Quoting SueWanda: If you�re that convinced- be convincing and open with your husband. Hiding and lying is a terrible idea.
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