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She broke my trust no matter how long ago it was

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 50 Replies
I got married shortly after high school to a guy I had dated on and off. It soon was a terrible decision and we ended up getting a divorce after about 2 1/2 years. It was a clean break-up, no kids, so we split and went our own ways. We’ve been divorced now for 16 years and have both moved on.

Two weeks ago, I was hanging out with some friends, including a few friends from school. We were having a good time talking about past antics and whatnot (there was wine involved). All of the sudden one of my oldest friend’s blurts out that she slept with my exDH while we were still married. I asked her what she meant and she she fully admitted that when my ex and I were still married (pretty early in our marriage) that she not only slept with my ex but had a 5 month affair. She tried to make excuses that we were starting to have issues but I just got up and left.

She’s now telling our group of friends that I’m being ridiculously petty and it happened almost 20 years ago and I just need to move on. But the pain is new to me. She’s been hiding this from me for so long. It’s a pretty painful betrayal to begin with. She even told one friend that I shouldn’t be mad at her, just my ex. If she had been a stranger at the time then yes I would be dumb for me to be mad at her but we were friends, very good friends, and she still had a relationship with him. I don’t care if I’m being petty, it’s going to take some time for me to work out my feelings on all this. I know I’ll eventually forgive her but our relationship will always be different now.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 21, 2018 at 7:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
gabuckeye
by Member on Jan. 21, 2018 at 7:10 AM
1 mom liked this
How did she expect you to react? She wasn't a friend to you when she did that. You are a bigger person as I would sever the friendship.
anchorturtle
by silly rabbit on Jan. 21, 2018 at 7:13 AM
Not sure I could still be friends with someone after that.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 21, 2018 at 7:17 AM
4 moms liked this
It's not petty. She's a cunt and I'd never be friends with her again. Friends don't betray other friends like that.
ReedusStalker
by 11-15/3-27 on Jan. 21, 2018 at 7:20 AM
Wow...that is so shitty and not a friend.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 21, 2018 at 7:40 AM
2 moms liked this

I would react the same way you are doing.  You were betrayed by her and had a false friendship with this person for decades and that’s very upsetting.  And shame on her for trying to twist it around and make you be the bad person for being upset.  Don’t bother continuing a friendship with this person and I hope your group of friends sit up and take notice of what kind of person she is.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 21, 2018 at 7:47 AM
I would end the friendship. Actions have consequences, and it doesn't matter that it happened almost 20 years ago.
canna_perks
by Silver Member on Jan. 21, 2018 at 7:48 AM
THIS!!!

Quoting Anonymous 2: It's not petty. She's a cunt and I'd never be friends with her again. Friends don't betray other friends like that.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 21, 2018 at 7:57 AM
So I know that Im not the same person I was 20 years ago and what that was definetely a crappy thing to do, I cant think that she hasnt grown and matured.

I agree this is new to you and you need time to process, and ask if she has lied and betrayed you on other fronts? I do think I could move past this because people do change and grow.

Years ago I had a long distance relationship with a BF (college). My bff at the time was hanging out with him. Friends. Told me she was keeping an eye on him for me. I got jealous and they both told me I was crazy. BF and I broke up (since I was crazy jealous?) BFF and I ended friendship. Years later I ran into her and she said they were fooling around and she was sorry.
I always knew it!

Honestly, after your strong new feelings subside and then see how you feel.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 21, 2018 at 7:57 AM
No, not petty. She betrayed you and it doesn't matter how long ago it was. I wouldn't be able to be friends at all after that.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Jan. 21, 2018 at 8:15 AM
Not sure why she felt the need to blurt it out 20 years after the fact. But yeah, I can understand you not wanting to continue to friendship.
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