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Why do so many BM’s hate SM’s, and vice versa?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 58 Replies
Is it jealousy? I just don’t get it.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 21, 2018 at 10:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 21, 2018 at 10:38 AM
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I always say that it has to do with where relationships are when SMs and BMs come into play.

I was long over my ex by the time he met SM; I think she's really sweet and I like that she has made ex a better dad and obviously partner since they're still together. I have never had any negative instances with/about her. I don't hound ex for silly stuff, I don't insert myself into how they do things in their home, etc.

On the opposite side, BM was still up DH's ass when we met. Right before we met, he literally had to move in with a friend because she refused to leave their house (we met through this friend). He finally got the law involved when we met and she moved in with some other guy. She tried to be hell on us in the beginning but she eventually calmed down. Lol.
bleumonster
by Sapphire Member on Jan. 21, 2018 at 10:40 AM
Usually at least part of it IS jealousy. The other part is often to do with the kids.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 21, 2018 at 10:41 AM
I don’t know nor do I care. There are no Steps in my life thank God. If I got divorced and he remarried, I didn’t ask for a third person. That’s his choice, so I do t have to like her at all
MonarchMom22
by Silver Member on Jan. 21, 2018 at 10:41 AM

Competition for resources.  Each female wants the best resources (time spent with the father, money, love, etc.) to go to her own offspring. Any other offspring or other females are simply competition and taking away from her own child's benefit.  

Curlymom234
by Flamingo lady on Jan. 21, 2018 at 10:42 AM
I don’t get it either. My ex is still to blame for being the way he is. I don’t blame SM.
yeehawhoney123
by Bronze Member on Jan. 21, 2018 at 10:43 AM
Reasons can vary depending on circumstances of why the relationship ended, how it was handled, maturity of those involved, overall maturity of those involved, etc. Me, personally, I'm happy with my life, and happy that my ex's girlfriend is great with my daughter. Some people are just unhappy.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 21, 2018 at 10:46 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't know, I suppose it depends a lot on how the relationship ended. I know if my DH cheated and then married the other woman, I'd never like her or want a damn thing to do with her, and honestly, I wouldn't like my kids around her sending them the message it's ok to treat your spouse that way. If the relationship ended on a friendlier note, and he met her after the divorce, I'd be more inclined to like her, assuming she treats my kids well. I don't know, I hope I never have to deal with that mess.
bubbs0809
by Emerald Member on Jan. 21, 2018 at 10:50 AM

I don't hate her.  I am not her biggest fan.  But treat my children well and stay in her lane and I'm pretty peaceful at this point.  Yes my DH cheated and married the other woman. But i don't have the emotional energy for drama anymore.

justnosy2090
by Bronze Member on Jan. 21, 2018 at 10:55 AM
Yup BM was fine and uninterested before she realized how involved I am...then all of a sudden they were HER kids and I need to back off! Ok then you raise them...guess who's still raising them once the drama has worn off?

Quoting MonarchMom22:

Competition for resources.  Each female wants the best resources (time spent with the father, money, love, etc.) to go to her own offspring. Any other offspring or other females are simply competition and taking away from her own child's benefit.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 21, 2018 at 10:56 AM
I think the guy involved has a lot to do with it. I have seen some act like sm has a ton of responsibility but little authority and that sm has to put up with whatever he and the ex decide, or they expect bm to put up with the new family as if she should back off. It boils down to two squabbling women where the guy feels large and in charge and he may actually like it. The ex (bm) looks like the crazy bitch and the sm looks like she is trying to take over because there isn't good communication between all adults for the benefit of the children.
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