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He said he wasn't bringing ds back

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 108 Replies
Ds10 went to spend time with exdh this weekend. I told exdh that it was absolutely imperative that ds be back on Sunday so as not to be late or miss school on Monday. We had a death in the family and had to go out of town for a week and a half to handle arrangements so I don't want him to miss anymore days unnecessarily. No, there is no one around that could have kept them where we lived while this was happening.

Exdh has also been late bringing ds back in the past, making him come home at an unacceptable time or making ds late for school.

This has prompted me to make an appointment to consult an attorney about drawing out a custody/visitation arrangement. We have discussed this before and I didn't think it would be a problem.

Well yesterday he texts me and says he won't make it in time because one of his cars is broken down, he has to work, and he could borrow his mother's car but it won't be until later in the night. He says he can either bring ds then or this morning, but makes it clear ds would be late for school. I say I'd prefer he brought him late, rather than waiting until morning.

He basically says he doesn't want to do that, but will let me know.

He never let me know. Ds calls and asks to stay one more night, I say no, he says ok, and I assume they are on the way. It gets late so I text, never getting a response until this morning.

He says he is on the way, but an hour later says he can not come because of work. He works under the table, with family, collecting broken down cars and metal.

I say this is unacceptable and when will ds be back (I don't drive and dh won't be home until Friday).

He ends up calling me and saying I should understand. He can't miss work/money. He didn't want to bring him back the night before because he was tired and ended up having to do something for work. I simply told him that it is not my problem, and since this keeps happening I will be getting an order together that states ds has to be back at a decent hour on school nights, and should not be made to miss school or be late. I was polite, but straight forward

He IMMEDIATELY flips out. He starts cursing and yelling, calling me crazy and ridiculous, and accusing me of trying to interfere with seeing ds.

I ask him to calm down and lower his voice, that no one is interfering with him seeing ds, only asking for him to be returned at a decent time on school nights. Nevermind that exdh doesn't even see D's once a month 🙄. So then he says "Fuck it. I'll bring him back when I feel like it. Matter of fact, I'm not bringing him back AT ALL!". I said "Excuse me?" and he states that I heard him. I said I would be making a report and continuing with my plans and I hung up the phone. I called his mother to see if she could talk him down before I filed the report, and he called me cursing again saying his mother is not the police, call them, fuck you.

I didn't let exdh know I was upset (even though I was shaking and trying not to completely break down in tears), I didn't curse him or argue.

To wrap up, I made the report, hear nothing else from him, but he eventually drops D's off.

Turns out that exdh lied. He didn't have to work, and didn't have to wait to get his mother's car. He basically wanted to watch a game. He didn't watch the game so just drove around and went to a 6 o'clock church service. Ds was with him the whole time and told me this so that's how I know it to be true.

The police said that even with a court order, they can't interfere and I'd have to wait on a court date.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 22, 2018 at 5:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 22, 2018 at 5:21 PM

How far away does he live?   You need to learn to drive or order an Uber.

Ted1242
by I'm listening. on Jan. 22, 2018 at 5:21 PM
So there’s no current order?
peanutsmommy1
by Ruby Member on Jan. 22, 2018 at 5:24 PM
2 moms liked this
If he is a legal parent and there isn't a CO, he is within his rights to keep him
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 22, 2018 at 5:24 PM
1 mom liked this
You should have gotten the order before even leaning your son with him unsupervised. You both have legal rights to custody of your child right now, and legal rights to keep him. Why can't you drive? Unless there is an underlying medical condition you need to be a licensed driver if you have children .
Linz808
by Bronze Member on Jan. 22, 2018 at 5:25 PM
1 mom liked this
Why didn't you pick him up yourself?
notalice420
by on Jan. 22, 2018 at 5:26 PM
3 moms liked this

With no custody order, he could NEVER return him and you'd have to wait for an emergency custody hearing. You really should get something in writing. 

And the police are right, with a custody order, that only gives you the right to take him back to court for violating it, the police aren't going to drag him off to jail as it's a civil matter. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 22, 2018 at 5:26 PM
1 mom liked this
With no court order he can keep his child how ever long he wants. He can leave the state or country too.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 22, 2018 at 5:26 PM
Two hours away

Quoting Anonymous 2:

How far away does he live?   You need to learn to drive or order an Uber.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 22, 2018 at 5:26 PM
Who ever said you need to be a licensed driver to have kids? Is this a law, unwritten rule, or just your own words? LOL

Quoting Anonymous 3: You should have gotten the order before even leaning your son with him unsupervised. You both have legal rights to custody of your child right now, and legal rights to keep him. Why can't you drive? Unless there is an underlying medical condition you need to be a licensed driver if you have children .
Talkingheads
by Emerald Member on Jan. 22, 2018 at 5:27 PM
It's right there in the OP she doesn't drive. SMH

Quoting Linz808: Why didn't you pick him up yourself?
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