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forcing kids to hug

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
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Me and my mom are in a situation where we are living together right now.  Usually my four year old son is very loving and likes to go give her a hug in the morning.  Today he woke up early and was a bit standoffish and grumpy.  He usually just likes to be chill in the morning anyway.  My mom kept asking for a hug and he kept quietly telling her he didn't want to.  This was out in the kitchen while I was getting him something to eat.  I could tell he was getting frustrated that she kept asking him after he declined and so I said, "It's okay mom, he doesn't have to hug you if he doesn't want."


She got really mad and stormed into her room.  She seems to do this every other day over similar incidents.  I tried to explain that I'm trying to teach my son consent and to respect the word 'no' by honoring his requests.  She blew up and started screaming at me that it was really fucked up to compare a hug to rape.  That's not what I meant.


We have been in this living sitation for a couple weeks and it's driving me mad because she gets so upset about things like this.  I could never imagine getting so offended by the actions of a four-year-old.  It's like she thinks she is the only one with feelings, and my son is just some sort of toy to her. 


Do you force your kids to hug when they don't want to?  She said by not letting her hug her was like not allowing him to breathe because hugs are necessary to life.  Wtf.  He usually hugs her.  Just didn't want to in that moment

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 23, 2018 at 9:33 AM
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Replies (1-10):
AppleBlossom16
by Member on Jan. 23, 2018 at 9:34 AM
3 moms liked this
Shes crazy, id be moving back out
Danesmommy1
by Grammar Enthusiast on Jan. 23, 2018 at 9:35 AM
6 moms liked this
If my 90yo grandpa wants a hug from DS, he's going to get one.

I will say though, we don't live near family and seeing them is a special occasion. If we saw them everyday and DS was grumpy, no one would push.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 23, 2018 at 9:36 AM
How old is she?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 23, 2018 at 9:36 AM

We are housesitting for a friend right now out in the middle of nowhere.  There are a lot of animals here and it takes two of us to care for them.  I can't back out of this commitment but she's driving me insane

Quoting AppleBlossom16: Shes crazy, id be moving back out


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 23, 2018 at 9:37 AM

She is 60.  I am 32.  My son is 4.  Lol

Quoting Anonymous 2: How old is she?


Mom2Boys9501
by Platinum Member on Jan. 23, 2018 at 9:38 AM
4 moms liked this
I taught my kids their bodies are their own and not to let anyone touch them if they do not want to and that includes hugs.
Talkingheads
by Emerald Member on Jan. 23, 2018 at 9:38 AM
2 moms liked this
Nope. My kids have been taught body autonomy. They don't have to hug or touch anyone they don't want to for whatever reason they decide
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 23, 2018 at 9:39 AM

Omg, she said something like that to me.  That she went to her friends house and her friend told her 8 year old daughter to give my mom a hug, and she did.  She said I should have done the same thing.  But I knew he was tired and wanted space.  If he was in an energetic excited mood it would have been different and he probably would have done so willingly

Quoting Danesmommy1: If my 90yo grandpa wants a hug from DS, he's going to get one. I will say though, we don't live near family and seeing them is a special occasion. If we saw them everyday and DS was grumpy, no one would push.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 23, 2018 at 9:40 AM

My DD has never been affection towards others, even some family members.  I never ever force her to hug because it isn't a good feeling to her.  If someone else's feelings get hurt, oh well.

Your mother sounds like she may have some other emotional issues going on.  Getting this upset over a grumpy 4 yr isn't normal.   

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 23, 2018 at 9:40 AM
No. I will never force my kids to hug someone. I don't care who it is or how old they are.

I hated being forced to hug people. I felt like my feelings didn't matter. It made me have problems with my mother. She had no problem forcing me to hug all her crazy family knowing that I didn't like them or hugging.
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