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Just bath them! UPDATE #2

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 155 Replies
Ugh! I just gotta get it out. This will be long, feel free to back away now.

So. My brother is an idiot. I don't know how I'm related to him. He had a son with this crazy person and 1 night he came home while she was pregnant and found another guy in their bed. I guess there was screaming and she called the cops and he got arrested. While he was in jail, she had the boy, DNA says it's my nephew. 1 day she drops him off to me to babysit and does not come back for over a year! I never got custody, just placement. My brother came over to visit, sometimes. 1 day she comes back and takes him home! We never saw him again because my brother refused to fight to see him because he claims he's afraid she well send him back to jail. By this time, he already has twins with a girl he met while im jail!

This new chick is scumbag, from the kind of family who actually have a list on their wall of people who help with rent and electric because they get eviction notices and shut off notices and just call the next person on the list so they never call the same place too often. All the kids brag about how they convinced the system that they were crazy so they get $$. When she got pregnant, she wanted him to quit his job and do the same with her. He refused, so she started calling his work, starting drama, and got him fired! At this point he left her. Then 1 day he gets a call "would you like to take custody of your 3mo old twins or they are going in the system" so he took them, moved in with my mom and got a job and started raising them.

They basically lived with me. Had their own room, beds, he took them home weekends. Eventually I helped him get a place in my duplex, so he lives right next door to me and could have his own kids. But their clothes stayed with me because I was bathing and dressing them. They are 4 now and just started school. I have things going on in my life and told him he needs to start being more hands on. I gave him back their clothes and told him he needs to start bathing them and days he doesn't work, he can get them on the bus. He isn't doing well. His house is so filthy. The girls basically do their own thing while he plays video games with his online GF.

Yesterday the teacher called and suggested a program that comes in to help with parenting skills. He went off on her about how he's not having people come into his home and take his kids away. So we get a call from the principal to meet about it. My name is on all things, he signed a paper saying that i can have full access to everything in school because he can't handle it. I go to teacher meetings and everything. When we got there, the principal admitted that he's never actually met my brother! It's always been me. So the principal tells us that there are concerns. The girls are consistently dirty. To the point that you can smell their hair. On days that he's been putting them on the bus, their clothes are filthy. He never brushes their hair. They really want him to get help. The teacher even said if he won't get help she's going to have to get others involved (basically, shape up or she's reporting him) he told them that they need to talk to me from now on because this is making him mad and if it goes through me then I can word it in a way that he can hear without getting upset.

Well. He just dropped them off and their hair smells! I'm torn. I love these girls and dont want them taken away, but I don't want them living in a disgusting environment! I want to bath them so they don't stink, and I know if they go to school like this he will probably be reported. I don't know if I should let that happen or wash them and protect them. Because my instinct is to keep them here, but I don't know if I should let this be a wake up to him. But by letting them be dirty, it hurts them. Why the hell didn't he wash them last night?? Especially knowing that the school is threatening to report him for it!

UPDATE

I called my mom to get support for my choice, and she told me that I need to wash them so he doesn't get into trouble. I told her that i have other daycare kids today and it would be too difficult to shower them since i can't leave the others unsupervised. She basically told me that if I don't figure it out she'd never forgive me. She doesn't know I'm calling CPS myself, just that I can't bathe them. It made my decision for me. I'm calling as soon as I get them all on the bus. We are all so focused on helping him that no one is taking care of these girls! If he doesn't even wash them the night the school calls him in to warn him then he's not going to wake up without something drastic and this isn't good for them. I can't always be there to take care of them and i shouldn't be bathing, feeding, cleaning their house and washing their clothes. That's his job. Or they need to be with someone who will do all those things. I'm worried how this will go, but I'm more worried about what happens if I do nothing. Thanks for those of you who offered advice. I really needed it.

#2

I called the teacher yesterday and the school counselor and they both asked me to put their names on the report. I then called CPS who sent someone out. The guy opened a case and they are going to be sending someone over 1ce a week for 6mo and giving him parenting advice and hopefully helping to teach him how to do things. Hopefully this will help.

Thank you again to those who encouraged me to mane the call. It was a really hard choice, but I know that it was for the best!
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 24, 2018 at 6:28 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lucky2Beeme
by Emerald Member on Jan. 24, 2018 at 6:33 AM
2 moms liked this

Bath the kids and talk him into giving them to you. I would do everything in my power to prevent any relative of mine going into the system.

carterscutie85
by Queen Bee on Jan. 24, 2018 at 6:35 AM

Why not call the girls down to take showers after your kids do? Or go next door and make sure they are taking showers there around the same time your kids do. Also maybe start washing their laundry with yours. Just tell your brother hey I'm throwing some clothes in, do you have anything that needs washed? Or offer to wash since you know it will help. The girls are old enough to brush their hair on a basic level so you could maybe just go over it and teach them as they get older how to brush it more thoroughly.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 24, 2018 at 6:43 AM

I’d help. Has he ever bathed them? Maybe he doesn’t know what he’s doing? Can the girls bath and wash their hair themselves? I’d start teaching the girls how to take care of themselves. It’s a sad situation but at least you’d be next door to help if needed

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 24, 2018 at 6:49 AM
I was doing all that, but he started becoming abusive. He was yelling at me over everything wrong and constantly cussing and screaming at me. His own kids didn't even know who their parents were and everyone kept telling me that I'm not their parent, I need to back off and stop pretending to be. My mom, aunts, uncles, everyone. Turns out he's been complaining to everyone that I'm taking over and overstepping my boundaries because I think they are mine. Plus, my kids shower in the AM before school. I do our laundry on the weekends, so I told him that he can come over any week day to do it. Usually he puts it in the wash and then I have to put it to the dryer and remove it so they don't sit and get stinky after a couple days. I'm doing the best that I can for them. I have been doing it all and I want him to learn to do it. If I go there to tell him they need baths, he just yells that he will do it later. Then he doesn't do it. I could drop everything and do it for him, but he's been talking about getting a job out of state and moving the girls away with him. I can't follow him, so he will need to learn to do it himself or they will be in serious trouble!

Quoting carterscutie85:

Why not call the girls down to take showers after your kids do? Or go next door and make sure they are taking showers there around the same time your kids do. Also maybe start washing their laundry with yours. Just tell your brother hey I'm throwing some clothes in, do you have anything that needs washed? Or offer to wash since you know it will help. The girls are old enough to brush their hair on a basic level so you could maybe just go over it and teach them as they get older how to brush it more thoroughly.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 24, 2018 at 6:51 AM
I've tried. He won't give them to me. He tells me to shut up and raise my own kids and let him raise his. If they got taken away from him, I would be the next one to get custody. The mom is unfit, and the state would rather place them with a relative then put them in the system

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

Bath the kids and talk him into giving them to you. I would do everything in my power to prevent any relative of mine going into the system.

carterscutie85
by Queen Bee on Jan. 24, 2018 at 6:52 AM

Honestly in that situation I think CPS does need to be called. They'd be better off with you or at least someone who can be bothered to parent. They are 4 so they should be taught basic hygiene by now like showering, etc but will still need help.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I was doing all that, but he started becoming abusive. He was yelling at me over everything wrong and constantly cussing and screaming at me. His own kids didn't even know who their parents were and everyone kept telling me that I'm not their parent, I need to back off and stop pretending to be. My mom, aunts, uncles, everyone. Turns out he's been complaining to everyone that I'm taking over and overstepping my boundaries because I think they are mine. Plus, my kids shower in the AM before school. I do our laundry on the weekends, so I told him that he can come over any week day to do it. Usually he puts it in the wash and then I have to put it to the dryer and remove it so they don't sit and get stinky after a couple days. I'm doing the best that I can for them. I have been doing it all and I want him to learn to do it. If I go there to tell him they need baths, he just yells that he will do it later. Then he doesn't do it. I could drop everything and do it for him, but he's been talking about getting a job out of state and moving the girls away with him. I can't follow him, so he will need to learn to do it himself or they will be in serious trouble!
Quoting c
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 24, 2018 at 6:54 AM
I showed him how a few times. But yesterday in the meeting, they asked if the girls knew how to wash their hair and he said he runs a bubble bath and lets the bubbles wash them. I told him he bees to actually scrub them, but he's convinced he knows best. The choice is, do I do everything for them and let him never learn, or do I let him fail so hopefully he wakes up

Quoting Anonymous 2:

I’d help. Has he ever bathed them? Maybe he doesn’t know what he’s doing? Can the girls bath and wash their hair themselves? I’d start teaching the girls how to take care of themselves. It’s a sad situation but at least you’d be next door to help if needed

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 24, 2018 at 6:58 AM
They ask him to shower all the time. I've gone over there and said "hey. Why don't you let these girls jump in the shower" they get all excited and start chanting "shower! Shower!" And he gets mad that I got thr going and he's not going to do it right now. My choice is to let him be a bum and so everything for them behind the scenes, or let him have PCS get involved and hope they wake him up to reality. My first instinct is to wah them as soon as my kids get on the bus, but that won't help him learn the severity of the situation

Quoting carterscutie85:

Honestly in that situation I think CPS does need to be called. They'd be better off with you or at least someone who can be bothered to parent. They are 4 so they should be taught basic hygiene by now like showering, etc but will still need help.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I was doing all that, but he started becoming abusive. He was yelling at me over everything wrong and constantly cussing and screaming at me. His own kids didn't even know who their parents were and everyone kept telling me that I'm not their parent, I need to back off and stop pretending to be. My mom, aunts, uncles, everyone. Turns out he's been complaining to everyone that I'm taking over and overstepping my boundaries because I think they are mine. Plus, my kids shower in the AM before school. I do our laundry on the weekends, so I told him that he can come over any week day to do it. Usually he puts it in the wash and then I have to put it to the dryer and remove it so they don't sit and get stinky after a couple days. I'm doing the best that I can for them. I have been doing it all and I want him to learn to do it. If I go there to tell him they need baths, he just yells that he will do it later. Then he doesn't do it. I could drop everything and do it for him, but he's been talking about getting a job out of state and moving the girls away with him. I can't follow him, so he will need to learn to do it himself or they will be in serious trouble!

Quoting c
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 24, 2018 at 6:59 AM

Do they have short hair? That could help with washing. 

I don’t know if I’d be able to let him fail. I’d be too worried about what that would do to the girls. It probably would be the best wake up call for him but I’d be too worried what that would do to the kids. Can you talk to the school and find out exactly what would happen if he was reported? Maybe give him the run down and if he absolutely does nothing then tell the schools to report? Does he even know? You’re in a tough spot no matter what  

Quoting Anonymous 1: I showed him how a few times. But yesterday in the meeting, they asked if the girls knew how to wash their hair and he said he runs a bubble bath and lets the bubbles wash them. I told him he bees to actually scrub them, but he's convinced he knows best. The choice is, do I do everything for them and let him never learn, or do I let him fail so hopefully he wakes up
Quoting Anonymous 2:

I’d help. Has he ever bathed them? Maybe he doesn’t know what he’s doing? Can the girls bath and wash their hair themselves? I’d start teaching the girls how to take care of themselves. It’s a sad situation but at least you’d be next door to help if needed


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 24, 2018 at 7:07 AM
That's why it took me so long to let him fail so far. It's been 4 yrs of me doing everything so they wouldn't end up in the system. The school swears CPS will first try to get him patenting classes and if he's willing to learn then they won't take them away, but it's opening a door that I'm afraid to open. 1 has really long hair, the other has shorter hair because the 1st cut it a few times when they were at his house.

Yes he knows. I've been trying to tell him since school started that he needs to shape up or he will be reported. And he was in the meeting

Quoting Anonymous 2:

Do they have short hair? That could help with washing. 

I donâ��t know if Iâ��d be able to let him fail. Iâ��d be too worried about what that would do to the girls. It probably would be the best wake up call for him but Iâ��d be too worried what that would do to the kids. Can you talk to the school and find out exactly what would happen if he was reported? Maybe give him the run down and if he absolutely does nothing then tell the schools to report? Does he even know? Youâ��re in a tough spot no matter what  

Quoting Anonymous 1: I showed him how a few times. But yesterday in the meeting, they asked if the girls knew how to wash their hair and he said he runs a bubble bath and lets the bubbles wash them. I told him he bees to actually scrub them, but he's convinced he knows best. The choice is, do I do everything for them and let him never learn, or do I let him fail so hopefully he wakes up



Quoting Anonymous 2:

I�d help. Has he ever bathed them? Maybe he doesn�t know what he�s doing? Can the girls bath and wash their hair themselves? I�d start teaching the girls how to take care of themselves. It�s a sad situation but at least you�d be next door to help if needed

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